I had two interesting conversations today; one out loud and one by email.  Both made me think that I needed to be more explicit about how Ordinary Legacy should be viewed.  This blog is about the everyday, the ordinary little things and thoughts and feelings that make up a life.  Some, ok most of it, will be my life and some of it will be other lives and how they are being lived.  In the end, and there will be an end, all those every day, ordinary little matters will make up an extraordinary legacy.  Do not get in the way of someone building an extraordinary legacy, you could get hurt, you could be stuck living with regret, you could lose the lesson on how ordinary translates to extraordinary, just saying.

My out loud conversation was with a few colleagues that were discussing an elder family member who was on the fringes of Alzheimer’s and wanted ice cream for dinner.  Her caretaker thought it best to argue for her to have dinner and then her ice cream.  Hear me when I say this; in my later years if I want ice cream for dinner, give it to me.  Where is the decision in this, why does it matter if I don’t have a typical dinner?  If I am living in a world of my own and it requires/desires/needs ice cream, really? Do I need to be deprived of it, would I even know if I was being deprived?  Don’t let a simple decision made by a simple mind escalate into a “you should have your vegetables” kind of moment.  Eat the ice cream, life is short, have dessert first…isn’t that how it goes?

The other decisions that need to be made are not nearly that simple.  Near end of life treatments for ailments that will ultimately bring you to the end of your journey; what should they be?  How far should one go?  Who should make those decisions?  Why are those decisions so hard to come to?  Because no one is talking about them until they are looming large.

These are terribly hard conversations but ultimately the most essential for everyone’s comfort and dignity.  We are unusual beings in that we have the ability to see the end of our lives unlike other species.  The good news is we can plan and express our desires to those who love us and will ultimately be responsible for us.  The bad news is that by knowing the end result we tend to lose the moment…big time.   The trick is to have the conversations early and then make the most of all those wonderful moments without the angst.

Here’s what I know like I know; do not argue with me when I say no to all those heroic end of life procedures and treatments.  I will be like every dog I’ve ever had and know that it will be fruitless to subject myself to something that will make everyone else feel better that they “tried everything”.  I will give you the same look that they have all given me…I’m done, I’m tired, I want to enjoy your company and go in peace.  Understand?  No decisions required.