My dear friend Wanda has graciously agreed to contribute to Ordinary Legacy as she journeys back to life after losing her, our, dear Jay.  Learn from her, she is wise as a widow can be and getting wiser all the time though she is not ready to admit that quite yet.  As I always say, “Grace, thy name is Wanda”. Lend her your ear and your support, pass her words to those in the same situation so that they too can know they are not alone. For those of you who know like you know please lend your comments and experiences to Wanda’s so that a collective body of healing work can be established. I’ve created a new catagory just for her called Healing Friend.  For those of you who don’t know Wanda’s story I have re-catagorized my chronicling of Jay’s last weeks so that you can get to know them both.  Welcome to Ordinary Legacy Wanda I’m so glad I wore you down my dear.

With Wanda’s permission a repost from her Caring Bridge Journal of July 27, 2012:

Having to OR Getting to?

Several months ago I was presented with an AHA moment thanks to Sylvia, my counselor.  Too many times in our thoughts and conversations we say “we have to do (something)” but if we turn that around and say “we get to do (something)”, think about how that will affect us!

As I reflect on that, I realize that Jay lived his life with the “I get to” attitude more so than the “I have to”.  I often marveled at how well he dealt with his health issues and very rarely would he complain.  In fact, most people would not have known about his kidney transplants by the way he lived every day.

So I have some days when I need to remind myself that I get to…….  Of course, there are times that I feel down (sometimes so down it’s hard to breathe) and feel that life has unfairly handed me a severe blow. But I get to share with people what it is like to go through something as traumatic as losing a loved one, I get to figure out a way to help myself and hopefully others going through this and I also get to enter a contest that shows me how amazing, loving & supportive friends and family can be! By the way, still no news on contest results.

Here’s the thing ~ I get it!  I spend a good deal of time trying to outline in my head, where I get to go from here.  That remains a work in progress!  And most likely, will be for a long time to come.

I get to feel the connection of special moments with friends.  The other day I ran into Tom, who as teenagers Jay was the first to befriend when Tom moved into the area.  Naturally, I got my hug. I then told him it was the last day of the contest and I was nervous, anxious and excited so as he was choosing songs on the jukebox, I asked him to play something for luck.  After enjoying several of his choices, I kept asking him what song he played for me and he said I would know.  Obviously the suspense was killing me.  And then I heard it ~ Emerson, Lake    & Palmer “Lucky Man”!  It was beautiful, perfect and brought tears to my eyes.  Jay was a lucky man even though his life was cut short.  But I am a lucky woman to have had him as my husband, my friend, my soft place to fall, my love!  So thanks, Tom, for that truly special moment!

I get to look forward to this weekend with a celebration of Christian & Maya’s engagement!  Maya has invited me to join in with her dress shopping and I am so honored.  Jared will be visiting as well, although I will miss Kel & Ev.

I’m glad you are “getting to” read this and if what I’ve written gives you a different spin on life that will make me very happy!  I am thankful that I get to call you friend!

Much love, Wanda