Yesterday I learned that the StriVectin Power to Change grand prize winner is Treva Wynn. Her goal is to give Guatemalan children a better life by providing them with an education and library. Certainly an investment in children is never wrong or unwarranted! So congratulations and good luck to Treva!
When I discovered that I was not the “grand prize” winner, naturally I was very disappointed and, you guessed it, I cried. According to the contest rules, the grand prize winner was to be determined on or around July 26th. So as you can imagine, the weight of not knowing was bearing down on me quite heavily! I wanted this so badly as a way to honor and keep Jay alive and with me. But after hurdling the emotional aspect of the news, I realized that the truth is, he will always be alive in me. Had we not shared our love & our lives, I would not be who I am today. We evolved into the people we were/are because of each other. I will always carry him in my heart!
I am filled with “gratitude” toward all of you! Whatever your contribution to my life whether voting, emailing, calling, including me in activities, sharing stories of Jay, listening to me or crying with me, it does not go unnoticed or unappreciated! Several months ago I came across an article from “Woman’s Day” on Finding Gratitude by Heather Lende. She says “Gratitude is not the same as giving thanks. It comes from a much deeper place that knows the story could have ended differently, and often does. Gratitude is surviving the worst thing you can imagine and realizing that you are still standing.”
Our story could have ended differently. Jay might never have made it out of ICU, but he did. Jay might never have been able to thank me once again for so many things or give me his blessing on future love for me, but he did. Jay might not have been able to have that much needed time with our boys as difficult as that was, but he did. Jay might not have been able to say goodbye to so many friends and relatives, but he did. Jay might not have been able to put some financial things in order, but he did. And most importantly, Jay might not have been able to take his final breath at home with me by his side, but he did. I will never forget his comment to me that he didn’t know how to do this, he didn’t know how to die. However, another truth is he knew how to live right up until the very end and dying is a part of life! It was with such grace that he left this world!
So I am still standing certainly because of Jay’s & my love, but also due in large part to all of you. You have helped with the ongoing process of stitching together the many fragmented pieces of my heart! And as people enter my life and new relationships begin, I will be open to possibilities. I feel a more urgent need to live my life out loud, to dance like no one is watching! You just never know what the future holds.
With my deepest gratitude & Love,