I was bound and determined to work through a few things this week, you know once and for all. Yeah it didn’t happen, somebody needed something, somebody went to the hospital, and somebody did something they needed help reconciling… you get the picture.

And I watched the news. I don’t watch the news but it was breaking and there I was sucked in to a police officer killed on Route 17 a minute from Stowe Lane. It happened at 1:30ish in the morning when, I believe, no good can come from being on Route 17 anyway. I pretty much don’t believe being on Route 17 is ever a good idea and I avoid it like the plague. But there it was, officer killed after a tractor trailer rear-ended (these two words, although true, cannot convey the magnitude of the force) his vehicle into a retaining wall.

In all the things that rattle around in my head, this one got stuck. A few days later I was riding down Route 17 and passed the accident site. It took my breath away, bought tears to my eyes and reflexively I crossed myself something I haven’t done in years. I watched this retaining wall going up, little by little, and realized it had just recently been finished. I remember seeing the family all standing looking at it with their hands on their hips. I can’t imagine the sound that woke them. I can’t imagine their confusion and that one split second when they realize the crash had destroyed all their hard work before they also realized that this is a tragedy that can’t be resolved and that they might not want to live there anymore. You see where my head goes.

You can’t help hearing your heart break for the family of this distinguished young man. But I can’t help thinking about the man who has to live with this the rest of his life. This was a working man who got in his truck at 11am and found himself…what? Avoiding something in the road? Asleep for a split second? What were his options? There is just no good in this. And there are plenty of people wondering the same thing. I was surprised to read many of the comments relating to the trucking industry’s lack of driver care. I was also surprised to read about the radar practices of many of the police forces bordering on blatant entrapment. For some reason I can’t get my head around the universe conspiring on so many levels to an end that may possibly NOT have something good come out of it.

It pains me when I believe someone has been taken too soon but I know that there is something far bigger than me at work when that happens. I can merge it in my head with things like perhaps they were destined for some horrible disease and they were spared that. I don’t know why things happen and mostly I don’t involve myself in trying to figure it out, I’m a tiny piece of the puzzle just one drop in the web and I appreciate the reminder to stay in today.

With all the things I’ve had to reconcile, with all the things yet to be reconciled, I just need a sign that I can let this tragedy go because it’s really not mine and concentrate on my own “once and for all” resolutions. It’s been a week.