I Know Like I Know 2012

I guess I’ve got a way of looking at things that’s a little different than most. So many of the people I’ve talked to recently are soooo glad that 2012 is over.  They swear it was the worst ever.  I had this, I had that.  I couldn’t wait for this year to be over sadly wishing it so.

Someone I know has a friend that reminds them never to wish time away. I agree, so as I look around at the end of 2012 all I see are little moments, momentum and mostly healing.

Beginning in January, with an Angel in the audience of Wicked, we were touched by a stranger that set my sister’s true healing in motion.  Here was another person who knew her pain but had the courage to walk up and let her know you will be ok, you will always have him and you can go on.  Keep your touchstone it will move you forward when you are stuck. This courage was transferred to my Sister when she became mentor of the year of firsts for her friend Linda.

In the same day, my dearest friend suffered a skiing accident that provided an epiphany of sorts that set her on the road to growth, of both those broken legs and the spirit she had put aside.  Then my summer sister came to the end of her chemo sessions and triumphantly had her “port” removed shortly before coming to the Cape for a wonderful little vacation.  There,we three women talked and laughed and walked and read and ate and cooked and enjoyed each other’s company.  We created a calm and healing three days that restored me from all the burdens I had been carrying on their behalf.  I could let it all go, they would be fine.

Finally healed from a long resistant infection my mother acquiesced to cataract surgery.  Miracle of miracles she can see so beautifully now she’s picked up, after so many long years, her love of books.   My friends Linda and Corrine would also battle infections that were potentially life threatening through to the end with grace and kvetching and bitching and moaning and gratitude and relief.  They are both in good places now with only the usual aches and pains of everyday life.

My people are fine. For all their little inconveniences, neighborhood disputes, crazy kids and work and struggle they are fine.  They are thriving, I can tell by the intensity of bitching going on.  It’s been greatly reduced, quiet even.  Is that gratitude in the air?  Nah, just a temporary lapse in things to bitch about; or a full on awareness that I don’t suffer bad energy any more.  They will bring good momentum in spite of themselves.

My little moments happened on my deck, on Sunday mornings, in convertibles, lunching with good friends, on my walks, reading my books and writing my tiny little blog.  My big moments happened when I became one of two Aunts to a little puggle named Chevy, when I had coffee with my Father during a Hurricane named Sandy and when the transformation of my home was completed.

There was some contest that promised as its prize; $10,000 and a Handyman for a Week.  I never entered the sweepstakes but thought, yeah that’s all I need.  Yeah, 10k and a handyman for a week, let me keep that out there. This is the point where my sister says, “Of course you did”.  Months later a flyer on my door, a revelation from my Mother that you should have this while I’m alive, and my bathrooms are complete. (Of course they are.)  Add to that the fan that hangs on my deck, the newly tiled foyer and my handyman turned good friend and this was a banner year on Stowe Lane.  Everywhere I look in my home I am happy.  Two wonderful compliments came our (meaning mine and my home’s) way recently, “your home is so three dimensional” and another friend walked in for the first time and said, “I knew it would look like this”.  Nothing makes me smile (MMS) more than being comfortable, safe and surrounded by the history in my home and sharing that history with anyone who enters.

Sadly we lost Gramma Velda this year, and the only man Nicole really knew as a father, and Linda lost her Burt, and Mick lost his Sassy.  We said farewell to adults, and dogs and children we didn’t even know but who touched our hearts quite deeply.

Yet I believe this was a wonderful year.  For all that can ever go wrong, nothing that couldn’t be surmounted ever did.  For all that did happen, silver linings and happy endings are making their way into our hearts.  Good health is being restored and strengthened, community is being fortified, and work is meaningful and thankfully abundant.

Healing can take many forms, it can happen without your ever even realizing it, it can happen slowly, it can happen with epiphanies and it can happen when you least expect it.  But it can only truly happen when you can finally see it. I know like I know that I am blessed to be among you and wish you continued momentum, little moments and the vision to see the proof that healing is always right before your very eyes.

“Some people see scars, and it is wounding they remember. To me they are proof of the fact that there is healing.”
― Linda Hogan

 

 

 

Mincemeat Pies

At this very moment I am diving into a tiny mincemeat piece of deliciousness made with love by my friend Jan Riley.  It would have been more than enough to enjoy lunch with her and David yesterday at our usual spot but in she came with this Christmas goodie straight out of her past and mine.

My father loved mincemeat pies and my mother could make a pretty good one albeit with None Such Mincemeat filling.  It was a bit foreign to the Italian side of things at our house but my father, or should I say his parents, being Scottish was quite familiar with the savory/sweet deliciousness.  He pretty much had the entire pie to himself until we eventually caught on.

The recipe for these little tarts comes straight out of Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management.  This indispensable handbook of many a newly married woman was originally published back in 1861.  Jan and I have had, and continue to have, quite the laugh about this book whenever we mention it.

Mrs. Beeton from the prefaceI must frankly own, that if I had known, beforehand, that this book would have cost me the labour which it has, I should never have been courageous enough to commence it. What moved me, in the first instance, to attempt a work like this, was the discomfort and suffering which I had seen brought upon men and women by household mismanagement. I have always thought that there is no more fruitful source of family discontent than a housewife’s badly-cooked dinners and untidy ways. Men are now so well served out of doors,—at their clubs, well-ordered taverns, and dining-houses, that in order to compete with the attractions of these places, a mistress must be thoroughly acquainted with the theory and practice of cookery, as well as be perfectly conversant with all the other arts of making and keeping a comfortable home.

Yeah.  Right.  That said it is still indispensable today and while the domestic side of running a home has changed dramatically the recipes are as contemporary as they’ve always been.  And Jan and her legacy would be lost without them.  This little taste of what my grandparents must have enjoyed back in Scotland and this little moment of “coffee and..” with my father is making an otherwise cold, windy and grey day quite a bit brighter. The real gift, however, is the memory of my father and his heritage and the warmth my dear friend has provided.  Merry Christmas Jan.

So laugh if you must, from my internet copy (yes Mrs. Beeton has a website) of Mrs. Beeton’s Book of Household Management, Chapter 27, the recipe for “Excellent Mincemeat” and the delicious little pies.  I’ll need Jan to translate a few things…

EXCELLENT MINCEMEAT.1310. INGREDIENTS – 3 large lemons, 3 large apples, 1 lb. of stoned raisins, 1 lb. of currants, 1 lb. of suet, 2 lbs. of moist sugar, 1 oz. of sliced candied citron, 1 oz. of sliced candied orange-peel, and the same quantity of lemon-peel, 1 teacupful of brandy, 2 tablespoonfuls of orange marmalade.

Mode.—Grate the rinds of the lemons; squeeze out the juice, strain it, and boil the remainder of the lemons until tender enough to pulp or chop very finely. Then add to this pulp the apples, which should be baked, and their skins and cores removed; put in the remaining ingredients one by one, and, as they are added, mix everything very thoroughly together. Put the mincemeat into a stone jar with a closely-fitting lid, and in a fortnight it will be ready for use.

Seasonable.—This should be made the first or second week in December.

MINCE PIES.

1311. INGREDIENTS – Good puff-paste No. 1205, mincemeat No. 1309.

Mode.—Make some good puff-paste by recipe No. 1205; roll it out to the thickness of about 1/4 inch, and line some good-sized pattypans with it; fill them with mincemeat, cover with the paste, and cut it off all round close to the edge of the tin. Put the pies into a brisk oven, to draw the paste up, and bake for 25 minutes, or longer, should the pies be very large; brush them over with the white of an egg, beaten with the blade of a knife to a stiff froth; sprinkle over pounded sugar, and put them into the oven for a minute or two, to dry the egg; dish the pies on a white d’oyley, and serve hot. They may be merely sprinkled with pounded sugar instead of being glazed, when that mode is preferred. To re-warm them, put the pies on the pattypans, and let them remain in the oven for 10 minutes or 1/4 hour, and they will be almost as good as if freshly made.

Time.—25 to 30 minutes; 10 minutes to re-warm them.

Average cost, 4d. each.

Sufficient—1/2 lb. of paste for 4 pies. Seasonable at Christmas time.

 

 

Veterans Day

Many people confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Memorial Day is a day for remembering and honoring military personnel who died in the service of their country, particularly those who died in battle or as a result of wounds sustained in battle. While those who died are also remembered on Veterans Day, Veterans Day is the day set aside to thank and honor ALL those who served honorably in the military – in wartime or peacetime.

It means we can look to our left or to our right and thank a veteran in our neighborhood, our workplace, our church, our gym, and our schools and all over our country.   They are alive, they are working, they are setting examples through ordinary lives being well lived.  They seldom discuss their service and shy away from the spotlight but make no mistake they are among you and even now impacting your lives.

The numbers of veterans I know and love are many.  They have taught me so many things, most recently how to raise two little rescue girls from Arkansas, thank you Shawn, the value of a good long walk, thank you Alan, the value of education, thank you Rawleigh, how to truss a roast, thank you Paulie and how to keep my Aunt Millie’s Easter Bread a valued tradition, thank you Jack. My thanks are heartfelt for the patience and generosity these men have shown over the years and I’m glad they are still around and among us to this day.

The veterans that I’ve lost are forever in my heart and memory.  The strength and legacy of each of them will far outlast their being among us on a day to day basis. Although I wish my father and my friend Cookie were still here, I make it my business to keep their names on everyone’s lips.

This is the first year that we will no longer have a living veteran to honor from World War I.  Rest in peace knowing that your honor follows you and we remain grateful for your service. Give thanks today for all that you have, it is yours because of a Veteran.  Let them know their service was appreciated.

 

Hurricane Sandy

I’ve had a personal meteorologist for many years.  My sister can truly attest that I am, indeed, a hurricane.  She’s been living in the eye of this hurricane forever and only ventures to the gale force winds on occasion.   So the least they could have done, if they were going to name an official hurricane after me, was spell my name right.

Frankenstorm, superstorm, up until Sunday many believed I’d make a right and head out to sea.  I’ve been known to do that at least twice a year.  By many I mean the been fooled before, won’t get fooled again brethren.  Never the less with skeptiscm in my heart I picked up milk, cleared my deck, filled my tank, stashed some extra cash and waited to be proven a fooled again one more time.

Sunday confirmed the path and we hunkered down.  The winds began coming up Sunday night.  The girls had been out and done their best synchronized poop on command, “hurry up/good girls” (bless you yet again Shawn Stewart for advocating the “on command” part of life with a dog) and we were in for the night.

Monday morning we completed the remaining odds and ends; pulling soup from the freezer, making a tiny little lasagna and a peach upside down cake (God forbid there’s nothing to eat) were completed.  Candles ready, flashlight, Kindle, phone, Ipad fully charged.  Finished all the work I had brought home and relaxed the rest of the afternoon.  Took a long hot shower, have some dinner, pour a glass of red , check the storm coverage and at 9:15 we’re dark.  Ok. The girls had already been “synchronized” so we’re good.

Coinciding with the dark came a call from my dear friend Edith in Georgia.  I would know the sound of that voice anywhere and was thrilled to hear it coming through the dark.  She was doing what she does, checking in, praying and handing her love over to us right as the lights went out.  Some light comes from a cherished thirty five year friendship not the power company.

Not much to do now but pile in the bed with the girls and wait out the brunt of the storm which was in full swing. By now you all know that my Lina is a scaredy Mary Pit mix.  Every howl of the wind and she scooted a little closer.   The sound of the limbs snapping in the enchanted forest was distinct, heart breaking and very close…we managed to sleep and woke only a few times during the night.  I throw a hell of a storm.

The early morning brought torrential rain and then a drizzle…let’s go girls.  7:15 out the door, synchronized, back in the house and the rain and wind pick up again.  Of course we got a tiny reprieve to poop, let the blessings begin.

Terri, Muriel, Mom and I had been in almost constant contact through the mess.  Everybody was safe.  The number of people texting me to see if we were alright was heartwarming and welcome and reassuring.  My text replies to all at this point:  No power, no damage, old school coffee, could be worse, we’re fine.

It’s no surprise to anyone that I love my coffee so you won’t be surprised to find out I was the only one on Stowe Lane with an old school aluminum, stay cool handle, two cup, percolator and ground Starbucks (thank you Bill Sides, I adore you for keeping me stocked).  I call it my Father’s coffee pot (my Mother says it’s hers but everything above the basement was hers) because he used it to make a pot of coffee each day around mid-morning when he came home for “coffee and…”  I think he was forbidden to use the glass pot at one point when parts became difficult to get and extinction wasn’t far behind.

As the coffee began to perk on the stove the sound and smell transported me back so many years that it brought tears to my eyes.  Today in the eye of the storm I would be having coffee with my Father.  There is an art to making perked coffee that I was lucky enough to learn and master long ago and remember to this day.  You begin with a medium flame and as soon as the coffee starts to perk you turn it down to low.  The smell is intoxicating.  How long do you let it perk?  Well my Father timed it this way; turn it down, go to the bathroom, set the table, get two cookies out of the cookie jar, pull the milk out of the fridge and it’s ready.  The things you remember from a hundred years ago.

Text to Muriel: I have coffee.  Soon my Stowe Lane family was gathered at my table having coffee, yet another blessing.  It takes a certain kind of person to drink perked coffee; it’s stronger by virtue of how it’s passed through the grinds.  Needless to say our energy abounded for the rest of the day.

The girls and I took to our front room, our office, for a day of reading.  It’s the brightest room so we wouldn’t require flash lights, candles or lighted battery powered devices.  I warmed chicken soup on the stove, made crostini in a skillet and more coffee, then more reading.

A calm in the weather gave way to a walk around the neighborhood.  The damage seemed minimal so we felt blessed again even though we had no power.  More synchronization and we headed back home out of the snap in the air.

While I was enjoying my home, albeit without power, many others were in total devastation.  I had only the minimum contact with the outside world through what people were sharing on Facebook.  I didn’t have a battery powered radio and frankly I don’t think I would have allowed myself the total absorption that most people feel compelled to do in these circumstances.  I prayed for them, I wished speedy recovery, but I didn’t really know anything beyond my own little family.

My mother was also without power but her building is a senior housing building so their generator kept the heat on at a minimum and they had hallway lights.  Clever woman that she is, she perched herself in the doorway of her apartment and read by the light of the hallway emergency lights.  I thank God for her recent cataract surgery to bring back her love of reading over anything else.  And bless her for instilling that love of reading in both my sister and I.  The blessings continue.

My sister, on the other hand, was sitting in a parking lot staging area awaiting our friend, her best friend, Maria’s family’s rescue from their home in Little Ferry.  A dam broke in Moonachie and reached all the way into neighboring towns creating an emergency evacuation situation.  Maria now resides in California.  My sister did what we do; I am in awe of her and so proud of our family.  My mother was lamenting about feeling so helpless wishing she could do something.  She’s spent her whole life “doing something” she can sit down now, we got this.  Brava, Terri your friend Maria could not be more grateful that you got her family to Uncle Gus in Bergenfield.

Our evening meal was the left over lasagna warmed in the skillet.   Pour a glass of red; put a log on the fire and bursting through the door comes Muriel for a check-in…and a bottle of wine…and a can of Coke for Martina…and D batteries for the downstairs neighbor.  Another evening without power safely tucked away on Stowe Lane.

Halloween is cancelled.  The New York City parade can’t make it through the village because the village seems to be gone.  There is no access.  Our Governor has rescheduled Halloween for November 5th.  I am not a fan of our Governor but I must say he handled this situation with decisiveness, tough (and sometimes quite funny) talk, common sense and candor.  He doesn’t believe in many of the things that are important to me but I applaud his crisis management.

By day four my Mother is asking, What day is it?  I had to actually look at my phone to find out.  It’s Thursday Ma.  That there is more reading and more coffee and more reflecting is an understatement.  I take a little ride each day just to charge my phone and remember what it feels like to be out and about.  There isn’t much open and the desolation seems very Cormack McCarthy in areas.  I can see how people get to a point where they don’t want to leave their homes.  You start thinking 56 degrees isn’t that cold just put on another layer.  I don’t light the fire until it gets dark.  I’ve begun walking the dogs each time I feel a bit cold and it seems to do the trick.  We are indeed synchronized in this household.

Second round of texts:  Still no power, got hot water, got firewood, gas range, the now envied by all percolator, all in all quite blessed.

My friend Ev packs up her kids and brings them up for showers and breakfast.  They have no power, and since their house is all electric they have, well nothing.  Ahhhhh, there is nothing like a good hot shower to make a person feel human again.  I venture out to the store for non-refrigerated items and just to keep my driving skills and my phone charged.  I’ve cooked off some of the items in the freezer that have started to thaw and discarded most of what remains in the fridge.  The beauty and the blessing of a new refrigerator is that the seal is perfect.  Much of the food hasn’t even begun to thaw yet.

When the lights come back on I actually gasp as if it is the most wonderful gift I’ve ever been given.  My eyes fill up as I realize that so much is happening in our state that is devastating that it’s hard to keep up.  People have lost their lives, some are still missing, and the damage to homes and property will keep us busy for quite some time. There are gas lines and bickering, I can’t be the only one who remembers 1974 for crying out loud.  Much of our childhood’s memories have been washed out to sea with the boardwalk institutions.

Through this I remain grateful, for my home, my girls, my family, the Aunt Ms, my friends, neighbors and my colleagues who are all safe.  For the piece of nostalgia that has grounded the “it’s just stuff/it’s just cars” mantra.  To be able in all this mess to have coffee with Thomas has been a priceless moment brought about by a hurricane name Sandy.

Final text:  Power back, thawed out nicely, feeling pretty damned blessed, love you

To all of you who checked in and stayed in, I love you.  Terri, Mom, Muriel, Martina. Edith, Kyle, Kate, Nicole, Sandra, Marge, Barbara, Ev, Bill, Justin, Matt, Nancy Lynn, Tonine, Ki, Bev, Ally, Marlo, Jeanette, Fran, Penny, Linda, Corrine and Mick.

 

Hurricane Sandy reading list:

All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,  Robert Fulghum, Ivy Books (or anything by Robert Fulghum)

La Bella Lingua, My love affair with Italian the world’s most enchanting language, Dianne Hales, Broadway Books

Walking Wisdom, Gotham Chopra with Deepak Chopra, Hyperion Books

How to Hepburn, Lessons on living from Kate the great., Karen Karbo, Bloomsbury Books

 

Politics

Tis the season to elect our next president.  From Wickipedia:  Modern political discourse focuses on democracy and the relationship between people and politics. It is thought of as the way we “choose government officials and make decisions about public policy”.

The sound of that is glorious.  I love all that it entails, the process of learning where each candidate stands, has anything in either party changed?  Should I rethink my stand on certain key items that are important to me?  Do I know enough to make an informed decision for me and my family and country?  Because, yes, I have a say in the way my country works, amazing.

For me the process of voting is highly emotional.  Nothing brings tears to my eyes more than the sound of the curtain closing behind me in the voting booth. The power that is mine at that very moment overwhelms me. There is such a sense of community at my polling location, people coming in with their coffee cups, greeting one another and wishing everyone well as they wait to take their turn in the booth regardless of party affiliation or beliefs.

All these things are intensely personal and I wish to keep it that way. The older I get the more I adopt my father’s philosophy, I don’t enjoy talking politics.  I believe that ruins friendships and work relationships so I tend to “agree to disagree” when backed into a conversation on politics that I find belittling, threatening or overpowering.

One of the strongest philosophies I believe is that we are probably more alike than we are different but I honestly don’t wish to confirm this, I choose simply to believe it. I must say I wonder about things like, if you are a conservative Republican and a member of your family is gay, what do you do?  I don’t want to know, I simply wonder. There are many nuances to the fabric of our country that could play out this way, that give me pause, especially as a woman especially as a person who believes strongly in the separation of church and state. I worry for our country in that we don’t seem to be looking for our similarities but only at our differences.

I am uneasy about the national debt, I am concerned about the economy, and I fear that our politicians no longer look upon their jobs as one of service to the people of this country and that they have become, one and all, power hungry to their own end.

I’ve been called liberal. It’s a broad term that not many people understand based ironically on the ideas of liberty and equality.  Again the woman thing…and probably because I believe in people helping people and the government championing that.  I have a colleague that thinks that liberal equals un-American and said as much.  I was not forwarded a donation request for a very worthy cause for the Wounded Warriors because he felt I was too liberal.  I have never been so hurt, tears in my eyes hurt, ever before. Instilled by my father, I am a believer that if your country asks you to go to war we must all stand behind you regardless of our belief in the cause that put you there.  I believe in people period.

I will continue to agree to disagree and make it known that that’s where I stand, firmly planting in the pact that we should not discuss our philosophies. I must say that I fear people will try and impose themselves and their philosophies on me as happened just recently.  I had this very agreement with a colleague for quite some time and something made him send me a politically charged email that was untrue.  Had it been based in truth I might have responded differently but the fact is he broke the pact we had in the interest of stirring the pot.  This is not the true essence of our country, we can each believe what we believe and allow the other to do the same.   We can also endeavor to find out, through listening to each other, where we share our certain views and respect each other where we don’t.

I love my country and I stand behind my President.  Regardless of their party because my fellow Americans said it should be so.  I know like I know that we are more similar than we are different and if only we could exhale and remember that, in our country, we have the amazing gift of freedom allowing us to have a conversation that might bring us closer rather than further apart. Bottom line, don’t forget to vote your beliefs as you see fit, it is your right and your privilege. On this we can agree.