Hope Among the Birch

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They say that following the last Ice Age the robust and weather-hardy birch would have been among the first to re-colonize ice ravaged landscape. In botanical terms, it’s known as a pioneer species.  This fact alone makes it perfectly fitting that I found myself among the birch at Green Mountain at Fox Run in view of fabulous Okemo in Ludlow Vermont.

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I agreed to accompany my sister but it was increasingly clear the more I read of GMFR the more I couldn’t wait to get there myself.  I’m no stranger to issues with weight and I’ve spent the better part of the last seven years developing life strategies but the weight…remained.  From their website:

…Over the past four decades, Green Mountain at Fox Run has helped thousands of women end weight loss struggles with eating, exercise and body image, make long-term healthy lifestyle changes and lose weight permanently…

We were part of a four day “intensive science based program” centered around food, movement and mindfulness.  Our group was a dozen and a half women of varying backgrounds, sizes and stages of life.  I refer to them as the most phenomenal group of love and mess I’ve ever met.  They completely filled my heart for so many reasons and though we’ve vowed to keep in touch even if I never hear from them again they will remain in my heart.

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I’ve spent the entire past week trying to process my experience last weekend and it has been extremely difficult.  The amount of knowledge was staggering, the ah ha moments just kept coming, the movement was diverse and fun and yes you could actually walk the next day, the thought provoking, look inside and discover what serves you and what doesn’t moments were like streaming video.   And the food was incredible and delish.

I thought for a split second that I might be able to do “a post” on the experience but it’s impossible to boil it down to just one post.  There is just too much to share that is legacy related.

I have to start with the staff.  How the hell do you interview for kindness? These are experts in their field with the highest levels of education but at the core they are women helping women.  They will fly their hand to their heart in a minute at someone’s tiniest success.  They will engage at yet another moment’s notice with anyone showing the slightest bit of courage.  They will pop out of their office at the slightest hint of someone in need, whether they are a mother or not they all have that “mother hearing”.  Hell they will jump up and send a hug your way if that’s what it’s going to take to cement your first ah ha moment (my sister can attest). As I watched the weekend unfold I came to realize that these were also women with their own stories turned into incredible legacies.  They know like they know of what they speak. And so you can’t help but trust the integrity of their word, THAT cannot be contrived.  They define living life the way you want your story told. Brava.

Oddly, one of the biggest things I took from this weekend was one of the tiniest things you can do each day, pause.  I learned about the natural pauses that occur in almost everything you do.  Thousands of times a day you breathe in, breathe out.  There is the tiniest pause at the top of the inhale and the bottom of the exhale.  If you’ve never considered this you should for it can stop you from any number of things.  Not that I remembered to pause this morning as my mother told the same damn story about the time himself brought the dog to her apartment and she (the dog) pooped in the living room….agghhhh.  Let it go already… both of us clearly have work to do I laughed on the way home.

Another important natural pause occurs when you’re eating.  It is physically impossible to keep at a breakneck pace without pausing, even if you’re starving.  Not that I’ve ever been accused of breakneck speed when eating, you didn’t think I heard your eyes roll….did you?  Many times you will actually put your fork down and then pick it up again without taking advantage of the pause.  What I can be accused of is not paying attention until I’m at shaky, sweaty, hangry, gotta eat or someone will get hurt.  You knew it was coming, you’ve seen it.

There is irony in my not being fully aware of the pauses in my life as most of these posts are categorized as pause points.  Yes I’m paying attention now.

Suffice to say that over the next few weeks I hope to further process and share what happened on that mountain, as my sister would say, so that you can understand that I am not the same person for having gone to explore what might have been a new “diet” (no such thing, don’t let’em tell you otherwise) and come back validated in my work of the last seven years with hope for an incredibly bright and creative future.

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Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees….Karle Wilson Baker

 

 

Pizza

2015-03-20 17.43.02-2On any given Friday night in homes across this country you can find people eating pizza.  But not like this.  Elevating pizza to the next level and sharing the end of a crazy week on Stowe Lane requires collaboration, the appropriate beverage and removing the smoke detector from the hall ceiling…

My job is making the dough, the rest we leave up to the master with a little “encouragement” from her beloved…

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Looking For Spring

 

2015-03-08 14.19.30-1Only the government would believe that you could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it to the bottom, and have a longer blanket… Native American opinion of Daylight Savings Time

It is no surprise to anyone that I’m not good at daylight savings time, I don’t get it, it doesn’t work for me and I make it perfectly clear that I want my hour back. Now, not in the fall. That said I tried to find a way to work with this ridiculous notion, tradition, dictate…I went looking for spring. I found it in several places, my kitchen window sill with its light and reflections. Haven’t seen those in quite some time and I’ve been waiting all winter.

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This winter has been especially harsh and the snow just kept coming and coming covering everything, curbs, benches, grass, high wires and communication towers. I got glimpses of all those long covered ordinary neighborhood sites emerging in the sun and warmth of the day.

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I walked with Toto and Muriel through the neighborhood without the usual four layers, hat, gloves, and anorak coat to shield against the wind. Toto was thrilled not to have to be subjected to the very un-dog-like sweater or rain gear. And when we got back, there it was just the encouragement I needed.

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Then we enjoyed what I call a transition meal, hearty enough for the chill in the air but fresh enough to beckon spring.

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With that I’m done, I’m shot, I’m totally off my usual rhythm and I know like I know that I’ll be asleep sooner than later. Happy Spring.

Willkommen

Cabaret (2)

Metaphorically, a “blue moon” is a rare event, as in the expression “once in a blue moon”. But there we were living a once in a blue moon day. Naturally, what would turn out to be a whirlwind, keep your eyes wide open, or it will all be a blur weekend, started the day before with a trek out of Buffalo by detour of the huge snow storm that dropped 6 feet, yes feet, of snow in the south towns. They would drive most of the day and part of the night to arrive on my doorstep around ten pm.  You would think that retiring would be in order after such a long day but once the first words came out the rest simply had to follow.  I had the good fortune to see my Summer Sister, Kyle, just the week before but Kate, my dear Kate, and I hadn’t had a face to face good chat in dare I say…a couple of years.  Oh we mustn’t go that long again.  And so it began, with wine, and soup and stories and laughter and tears and sharing and Averna…to be elaborated on at a later date.

My girls, Toto and Lina, and I retired to my newly rearrange, updated, fabulous office for the night while the other girls took the master.  It was a bit of a struggle trying to figure out the sleeping arrangements with two dogs that didn’t understand why there was a gate involved and the pillow-top mattress wasn’t under their butts.  We made it work.

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The reason we were all together was to go into the city to see Cabaret. Kyle would be doing a production early next year and there was “research” to be done.  My good fortune was two-fold, I got to see Cabaret but I got to see Cabaret with the two people who had taught me the most about theater.  There’s a part of me that used to think that one shouldn’t have to be taught about theater but oh the glory of knowing the intricacy and the rationale and the history and the roles and the ability to discuss the performance intelligently with such studied lovers of the venue is priceless.  There is an assurance that what you’re feeling, and oh the feeling evoked in this performance, was carefully and lovingly thought out entirely for your benefit.  In a good performance you are transported through the acting-the set-the music-the lighting as if it were only one entity.  The lighting was amazing.  The end of a performance is surely its greatest measure of success, have you been entertained, have you been moved, have you been fulfilled. Yes, yes and yes.  Frankly I was a mess, moved to breathless.  We all needed to process and share and rejoice in the magnificence that was Cabaret led masterfully by Alan Cumming.

Luckily we had a lovely walk back to our car which had been strategically parked just far enough away from the theater to allow for this process and provide a wonderfully easy escape route back to Jersey where we would have dinner together with my dear friend Sandra. Dinner was at a favorite restaurant, Andiamo, where they know my name and care deeply about what they do also.  We three hadn’t been back to Andiamo since Kate graduated from grad school and it was about time to put this restaurant into a more deserved memory status.  Suffice to say we accomplished that this time around with good food, good wine and very good very supportive conversation.  I adore these women and don’t think I can ever do enough for them, that Kyle felt this was exactly what she needed after the week of one thing after another stresses was a little victory we all shared.  I’m pretty sure one of us said amen.

Back to Stowe Lane and we find ourselves all seated comfortably in my fabulous office just barely holding on as exhaustion and the wine begin to set in.  The girls and I figure out a better way to make sleeping in the office work and my little Lina begins to relax a bit.  She isn’t the change warrior her sister, Toto, is so after all the disruption she wasn’t really herself evidenced in the note left by Uncle Pete about her having a bit of the “slows” when he came to walk and feed them.  She’s much better today.

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Next morning over coffee we still couldn’t keep the conversation down; we just so enjoy each other and have so much to say. Kate summed it up perfectly; we had a once in a blue moon day.  But with a long ride ahead two of my favorite people would be on their way.  I am in awe of them, I am rejuvenated by them and I am so grateful to have spent this time with them. I have been humming Willkommen all day and strangely it sounds much like a gramophone in my mind.

Leave your troubles outside.

So life is disappointing, forget it!

In here life is beautiful.