Full Moon Rant

Posted on March 15, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

“The moon was reigning over their world, glowing its full splendor to all those willing to look up.” ― Irina Serban

I seem to be living on the corner of “What do you think?” and “What do you want to hear?” It’s a pretty damn busy street when venting and excuses make their way into the same conversation over and over and over again and you no longer know how to respond. Should you ask, are you venting or do you want me to respond? Or should you just assume the person is venting and shut your mouth, wait for the what do you think at the big exhale or the end of the email that says, “Your thoughts?” So do you want my thoughts or is that just a way of getting me to bite. Because I’ll bite…

God knows I can spew off a good rant given the right circumstances and most people find it amusing but they know when I get to the end of it it’s over, it’s out of my system and I can move along to the things that give me strength, balance, and dare I say it, joy. But there are others who can spew the same rant over and over and over, are you sensing a theme here? What’s the sense of ranting, venting, bitching, whatever your favorite term for it, if it brings you no relief. If you don’t come to any conclusions at the end of it, if you don’t see a plan or even an inkling of a plan what good is going over it again. If you’re going to get something out of your system then get it the hell out. My guess is if you’re living the definition of insanity then you’re not really venting but asking for an opinion. Or another opinion since you’ve probably been given opinions (your thoughts?) before. Or you like the sound of your own voice lamenting your situation. Or you’re making excuses that are probably fueled by fear the destroyer of all things creative and confidence driven.

I especially love the part that says I don’t understand. Ok, maybe I don’t but it’s not like I’ve been living alongside the enchanted forest for my whole life. Most of my life I was stuck in a job that was extremely high stress, mostly brought on by my setting martyr precedence I later realized I didn’t want to live with at the same time himself was losing
his mind and collecting ATM receipts for 200.00 at a time on a daily basis. Yeah I think I know a thing or two about high level stress and what we do to ourselves under the guise of fear and the unknown. So stamp your feet if you want… all you want, but know that you have to actually do something to make it stop.

I know I’m that person that wants to fix everything and everybody and it takes an enormous amount of effort for me to hold back so forgive me that and just say it out loud: I’m venting, you just need to listen. I’m good with that it helps me. But don’t tell me your just venting and then set an expectation to it, I get confused. You can’t have it both ways…you can’t live on the corner of “I’m going to piss and moan again about the same thing” and “Oh yeah I’m not going to do anything about it and get mad at you when you remind me of a few things I might try (again)” What????

So for all you little darlings (and you do know who you all are) that had varying degrees of shit fits this week I’m blaming it on the moon. It’s full and it seems to me it’s getting fuller all the time and hardly waning…ever. I’m begging you to make up your mind. You’ve put me in that position of wise woman and then you slap me for pointing out the obvious, really? I’m breaking my own precedent, I no long want to live in a perpetual full moon, I am not that wise woman I am simply going to follow your lead. I know like I know that the only corner I want to live on is Stowe Lane and Enchanted Forest. Whew, I feel much better.

This is Grace

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

In life, as in the dance, grace glides on blistered feet…Alice Abrams

I believe him, she said. He is speaking like someone with an experience. Like he is missing family and simply wants to come home. This is grace. From a mother who let her son go and live with his father all the while wrestling with the decision. This is grace. To let a son make mistakes while standing on the sidelines watching and holding back from preventing those mistakes knowing they would prove beneficial. This is grace. While praying for assurance that you’ve done the right thing, never really knowing but trusting. This is grace. Welcoming him home to a family that loves him, having never let go of him and will now hold him responsible for the knowledge he’s gained and the man he’s become. Step by step.

She saved my life, she answered when they asked how you know her. This is grace. From a wife who had been left too soon by a husband that loved her dearly. This is grace. From a neighbor who called, and sat, and brought two tiny angels with her to play around the sadness they never even noticed. This is grace. Two women who were each struggling with their own inner distractions or pain that found each other at either end of a flight of stairs. This is grace. That two small children could enter and open up the hearts of these two women to move them forward toward each other and away from their pain. Step by step.

I can’t. She said of a woman she called friend for many years. This is grace. To recognize that it is not your fault that she has no friends. This is grace. To further recognize that you cannot be the only person in her life if all she does is show you her malice. This is grace. To know when to leave a friendship for your own sake because your peace of mind is important and that it might prove the only way for a friend to learn. Step by step.

These are people who have walked beside you, never showing you their anguish. Step by step most people are gathering grace in everything they do, everything they accomplish, everything they suffer, everything they celebrate and everything that they have and will become. I am in awe of people of grace because they have no clue that they have anything more than blistered feet as Alice Abrams so eloquently put it.

If any one thing could impact a person’s legacy as strongly it would be grace. One’s movement through the world, albeit at times on blistered feet, touching and impacting along the way. Being ever cognizant of the world around you, no matter how tiny that world might be, is valuable to countless others. I have been touched by the stories of these women this week and can’t help thinking they can’t begin to fathom how far they’ve come. Nor can they fathom how many they’ve touched in their grace. Brava my dears put your feet up for a while. We know, we’ve seen, your struggle hasn’t gone unnoticed by those around you…or do what you always do. Carry on through your life in that way only you can to the ever increasing benefit of us all.

I Know Like I Know 2013

Posted on January 5, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

If I had to choose one word to describe 2013 it would be milestone. Blink your eyes and five years of writing about all the ordinary things that will make up a life’s legacy have passed. Time is funny that way, as Gretchen Rubin would say, the days are long but the years are short. It’s a wonderful life here on Stowe Ln with all the things that bread, salt and wine can bring a home. Joy and prosperity are truly reigning over this household and it is quickly becoming that place where more and more of life’s little celebrations are being held so we try never to run out of wine.

The Jersey Girls are happy and healthy and we continue to do our work and thank God each day for the generosity of those who got us here. Life would not have been this wonderful if it weren’t for Shawn Stewart and his kindness and pragmatism. I can still remember asking him; on a scale of 1 – 10 just how bad are the girls, how aggressive. His answer with a smile; a 1 and 1/2. Fine.

As many times as I say I know like I know, this has been the year that I’ve tried to come from that place of “I don’t know what I don’t know”. I’ve shifted my perspective a bit, learned how to be “clenched” and tried some new things. Photo treasure hunts and seminars with cool people like Seth Castile to force my camera back into my hands and consequently my heart. Yes I’ve become a nuisance but the end result is a style, a viewpoint, a continuing illustration of the ordinary. Technical? No. Cool? Sometimes. I’ve begun to capture moments in time as I see them and it’s not like you don’t know how I feel about moments in time.

I’ve had the courage to stop coloring my hair. I’ve gone grey and the end result is so much better than I could have imagined. I have the glintys as I call them. Not quite grey, headed toward salt and pepper and worry free. Hours spent at the salon are a thing of the past and the money saved is a huge bonus. We have abundance here in so many ways. Once you shift your perspective you are no longer looking for abundance in one place, it comes from everywhere and from everyone.

I’ve met some wonderful new old friends this year. We share a common point of view and a love of all things ordinary and special. What a joy to have them in my life. Sadly some people I thought were friends have gone. Either they or I had gotten what was the best of the relationship and moved on. A fact of life I’m afraid, I’ve learned that people will come and go. The important people stay for a very long time and I continue to be grateful for each one of them even if I don’t see them as often as I’d like.

My family and extended family are flourishing. We had many a celebration this year together for little things and big things. I am still reeling from the wedding of my dear Muriel and Martina. I had the honor of capturing their day in photos and selfishly that meant I could be with them through it all. God knows they’ve been with me through it all.

Luckily Muriel was with me to assist our neighbor into rehab through an intervention. Five years later it never occurred to me that I might have to put that hat on again. I’ve been known to say I resent what I know about addiction, but the fact is it might have helped save a life. It does all come back to you, the script, the facilities, the beseeching from the intended. Not easy but I was better at it this time, I was removed from the situation and I let it go after it was over. For the most part anyway, the jury is still out on the successfulness of it. Like Bob Seger says, “wish I didn’t know now, what I didn’t know then.” It was a hard life.

And so it is that making life easier has become a mission. You know, like buying a new sewing machine. It’s cool, it’s light and it does just what I need it to do, I’m not making clothing any more I’m just nipping and tucking. I must say the one feature that I was so smug about, the needle threader broke. I’m not surprised, the reason for it was all wrong. It was just to spite my Aunt Millie who laughed at me a hundred years ago when she handed me a needle to thread for her and I just poked it right through with an eye roll. “I was like you she said”, sent me some karma, and now I’m like her looking for the magnifying glass.

All in all there has been little to bitch about, there was the Aunt Rant and the poopy bag incident, the Match.com fiasco, the cast iron bra epiphany and the crazy colleague who surely would have been the death of me if he hadn’t been reassigned recently. Thank you karma, I certainly will learn to let you take care of things from now on.

I’ve learned that I never really was a “Jersey Girl” even though I was born here, that’s my sister’s department. I’ve learned that I no longer have anything to prove, my only inclination at this point is to add value. I’ve learned that I’m cool, no kidding, it’s true and that what I’m doing with Ordinary Legacy has meaning to some people.

I’m going to summon up my courage again this year and develop an e-course based on Ordinary Legacy, that should be an adventure. Talk about being clenched. And finally I’m going to continue to add to my body of work. Can you imagine? I’ve got a body of work. I know like I know that my wildest dreams aren’t really all that wild anymore and that makes this ordinary woman soar, finally.

I hope you’ll take a look back at this year’s posts and see if they plant a seed for your own extraordinary legacy.

Happy New Year.

The Art of Selective Celebration

Posted on December 29, 2013 by Sandi LoConti

Once upon a time a long time ago I lived in the land of obligation, see and be seen and just show your face. Mercifully, I don’t live there anymore and can practice the art of selective celebration.

Begin with a catchup with dear Franny, then a funny, loving, and confirming dinner with my beloved Cookie Club, on to lunch the next day with the Rileys where we proceeded to leave our joyful mark on Davey’s. Sunday with my friend Linda to celebrate food, friendship, and I let her lament for a minute. Oy, just for a minute and she’s back to her funny, warm and grounded self.

The best way to celebrate on your own terms is to throw a party, enter the 2^nd Annual Car Hag Lunch. Car Hag; a term of endearment originating from a man in the car business who was generous with his knowledge, respectful of the strong women he worked with and supportive of their fight for equal ground.

These are not the politically savvy women but those women behind the scenes that know how to get it done. They are part of the underground network of women who know like they know, the ones who, too, can slap you so hard you think you got a kiss, who tell it straight up, no frills or fuss, the ones you’ll always ask first. Car Hag is not derogatory, if you don’t like the name you probably aren’t one.

What a delight to have them on Stowe Lane. Oh the stories they could tell, and tell they did but like Vegas, what happens on Stowe Lane stays on Stowe Lane. We will do this again and again, though we’ll need better scheduling next time bearing in mind, forecasts, days off, month end, and on and on in the land of automotive.

Christmas Eve with my best friend, Sandra, and her family. I am honored to be with them each year, to watch them grow, to share in the food prep, to ground her from the inevitable mother daughter button pushing, to exhale and know that I am completely loved and exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Christmas morning with my Mother and Sister and the traditions that go with the many years of sharing Christmas morning together. Breakfast, gifts, coffee, all tweaked a bit over the years but still basically intact.

On to my adopted sister, Evi, and her family for a visit and to drop off Walter’s fruit cake…stop it, this one is good, and I made it. It’s not your usual fruit cake but light and fresh and delicious. He eats it all himself. Fabulous. Catch up with the kids, unavoidably leaving with some of their germy germs, which I am unable to fight off. I don’t have any kid immunity but oh how I love them to bits.

Next stop Cookie’s for kisses and a flyby drop off of the Italian cookies and back to Stowe Lane I go.

One of the best ways I know to celebrate is with my camera. Clicking my way through the season so that once I’m back on Stowe Lane I can savor each moment. And that’s my gift to me. I call myself an accidental photographer firmly believing that if you shoot enough and make yourself just short of a nuisance you can capture the moments that make celebrations special. Those ordinary moments that can be relished for years to come. My technical ability would certainly be called into question by any self-respecting photographer but I no longer care about technical excellence. I care about the moments and the memories and the surprises that come out of my camera each time I download, things even I didn’t realize I captured come to life in front of me. Let’s see, ordinary moments in time captured with loving surprises included. Yeah, that’s my idea of selective end to end action and a wonderful celebration.

Kudos

Posted on November 24, 2013 by Sandi LoConti

The art of the compliment, both giving and receiving, is essential to making your way in the world. It gets you out of your sense of entitlement and brings you a human barometer of how you’re doing. You don’t have a sense of entitlement you say…do you know how to accept a compliment with grace? The “all in a day’s work” line isn’t it, the “oh I just slapped this together” line isn’t it, so how does one accept praise from others in the spirit of knowing that’s what you’re working toward while not wanting to seem conceited or dismissive?

Don’t deflect. If someone is taking the time to voice that they’ve noticed your accomplishment, or found you engaging, or are happy for you or, or, or, don’t insult them by diminishing their praise. Now what do they do? You’ve put them in an awkward position by making them second guess their choice. And you know what, continue to deflect and watch the number of compliments your receive decline.

Nothing makes me unhappier than to watch people shy away from compliments. I love giving them. I met a woman getting into an elevator recently that had the best red shoes ever. I couldn’t wait to gush about them and she needed the boost to be quite honest. She started at really, you think so? And went on to I can’t believe you noticed them to I love them and everyone else is all they’re not really you. She walked in head down and walked out all full of her red shoes, she worked them pretty good after that, all the way through the lobby. Good for her.

I love compliments; it’s truly my barometer of how I’m doing out there. That, and thank you cards, sustains me through the year. I’ve even got a top five list of them I reflect on when I’m not thinking that much of myself:

5. You never go somewhere the same way twice; you get from one place to the other differently than anyone else. Love that! Because I am my father’s daughter, he explored every time he went somewhere. If I can take the “long way home” I almost always will because that was such an integral part of being with him.

4. You got a way of looking at things. I sure do, I learned long ago that perspective is all you’ve got and as many times as mine has changed it has never strayed from the core of who I am.

3. Your home is so three dimensional. There is so much to look at. Our family friend, Jeanette, taught me that if you surround yourself with things you love that they will always match. If all I’m doing in my home is paying homage to her then I am happy but really if you’re not walking into your home and exhaling at the same time isn’t something wrong. If you’re going to rejuvenate anywhere, shouldn’t it be your home?

2. There is a woman I work with that always greets me in such a way that I know she’s truly happy to see me. Her compliment sticks with me every day whether I’m in work or not. She said I’m always so happy when you’re here. It’s like having to go to a family event and finding out that fun cousin that everyone likes to sit next to is going to be there! If I could have that effect on everyone I meet it would make me so joyful, it would mean I’m doing things right.

1. You can slap someone so hard they think they got a kiss. I know, it doesn’t really sound like a compliment but it is. If you can have the hard conversations with people and they can walk away feeling good about themselves, and you, then that’s a compliment. I received this bit of insight from someone in the Foodservice business many, many, many years ago and it not only stuck with me but became part of who I am. When defending people who work for you, when defending your position, when “counseling” the most thick headed in the bunch if you can stand your ground in such a way that you get what you need without destroying a relationship or a person’s morale you are indeed blessed. I summon this bit of wisdom up whenever I can and hope that it will continue to serve me for the rest of my life.

The next time someone compliments you, simply, say, thank you. Take it in and use it over and over again. The more of these you receive the better off you, and others around you, will be because you’re doing the right thing. As an added bonus those people noticing and doling out those comments will continue to do so keeping your barometer steady and on course. I know like I know.

Ordinary Legacy

Preserving moments in time through thoughtful words and images.

Category Archives: In the Company of Women

Full Moon Rant

This is Grace

The Art of Selective Celebration

Kudos

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