Woman, writer and lover of all things ordinary. That’s how I describe myself; the word lady doesn’t really exist for me. Not in the strictest definition of the word. From Wikipedia: The word lady is a civil term of respect for a woman, specifically the female equivalent to gentleman or lord. Once confined to usage when specifically addressing women of high social class or status; over the last 300 years, the term has spread to embrace every adult woman.
From Merriam Webster: A woman who behaves in a polite way, a woman of high social position, a man’s girlfriend, a woman of superior social position, a woman of refinement and gentle manners.
So it took 300 years, and you believe that the term has morphed into one that embraces every adult woman, thus the more accurate Merriam Webster version of the definition. Come on. There is a connotation to the word lady that I’ve never fit into and thankfully it has served me well.
Being among the first women to wear pants in the banking industry finally getting rid of the stockings and garter belts was huge in the early 70’s. Consistently applying for “Help Wanted – Male” positions made me very unladylike. Standing up for what I believe in, voicing my opinion, being the one to introduce other women to education for the sake of learning rather than marrying, and to this day trying to insure young women don’t take for granted where we came from, all not very lady like.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not militant. I believe I’m pragmatic. I’m not picketing or demonstrating just going about my daily life trying to live what I believe, my truth. In researching this post I came across several “rules” one must follow to be considered a lady:
Make introductions, say please and thank you, have good posture, be respectful toward others, be charming, don’t use profanity or overeat or drink excessively, maintain your personal hygiene, dress elegantly and keep your clothing clean and pressed. Don’t wear excessive makeup or revealing clothing. Really? I can’t. Isn’t this just common sense, isn’t this just part of being a genuine human being. Aren’t these the same rules that a “gentleman” should be following to make his way in the world?
I love Nora Ephron’s quote: “Whatever you choose, however many roads you travel, I hope that you choose not to be a lady. I hope you will find some way to break the rules and make a little trouble out there. And I also hope that you will choose to make some of that trouble on behalf of women.”
Long before I knew about this quote I chose not to be a lady. I chose to be a genuine, caring, educated, outspoken, human being. As a kid, I lost many a white glove and soiled many a dress. I questioned authority, so much so that I can’t imagine that my parents ever spoke to me again after my teens. I changed drastically after those knock down drag out temper tantrums in the name of what is fair and progressive. I did not, however, change into a “lady”.
I feel like the word lady should always be in quotes. The meanings are outdated and condescending and would never be replicated in “gentlemen” speak. Men are always talking about women being a “lady on the street and a freak in the bed”. How about simply embracing the strength of woman and knowing that their common sense is honed well enough to know that public and private behavior is just plain protocol. Seriously stop talking garbage people.
How about we discard both the lady and gentlemen monikers and discuss things on a human level. On a level that contributes the best of both sexes and all that is human to a collective equality. What did I say? It could actually happen, look at the number of fathers staying home with kids, look at the number of woman finally running for office, look at the number of people becoming minimalist in their own fashion. So much is changing that defies the gender “high standards”.
I started thinking about this subject when my friend described her Mom as a true lady. I believe she was a true lady in the context of the time she grew up in. For those of us who grew up at that moment in time when we finally had the nerve to voice our opinions all bets were off on the ladylike portion of the show. It is an outdated term that I truly hope will be replaced by something like woman of substance, man of substance, person of substance.
Many of you know that I am a huge fan of the six word memoir. I hope my legacy will read something like this: A woman of substance who shared.
