Bill’s Father

 

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It’s no surprise to readers of this blog that I am a Father’s Daughter and usually you have to wait a minute or two before I post on Father’s day.  My Father has been gone for a decade, hard to believe, but I still feel the need to catch him up on all that is important to me on the four hour drive to the Cape.  The man loved to go for a ride.  I won’t have the opportunity to do that this year, my Cape weeks are all askew but thankfully they will eventually happen.  Instead I’d like you to enjoy someone else’s Father, I know I did.

Earlier this year I received an email from a friend and colleague looking to share a story on Ordinary Legacy.  I encourage all of you to do so but he took me up on it. The email was simple, “My Father wrote something back in 1952 when I was only one year old.  He passed away in 2002.”  With permission to post, he said, I believe you will enjoy it.

September, 1952

 My Walk Alone

By Walter William Stoeckel

The dark dimmed fields and woods of the countryside gathered me up in a silent welcome as I walked alone in the cool stillness of the summer night. The air was filled with the silver dust of moonlight sifting down silently and settling all around me as though caressing everything it touched. Far away – somewhere between my listening ear and the dark silhouette of the horizon – a night bird softly called and the distant muffled bark of a dog seemed to answer its melancholy call.

The road ahead mutely beckoned as it vanished dimly round the bend dragging the staggering fence posts in its wake while their strands of barbed wire struggled vainly to preserve some semblance of order in the lurching line. Only the sentinel like telephone poles stood alertly erect silently relaying their messages on threads of wire etched sharply against the powdery blue of the moonlit sky. A night sky so bright only a few scattered twinkling stars peeked through.

 A peaceful serenity caught me in its spell as I continued on alone entranced by the aura of tranquility in which I seemed to be completely immersed. The gentle touch of the dying evening breeze seemed subtly soothing to my cheek and brow. With a sigh I drank in this utopia. Then suddenly, I thought of the reality the morning would bring shattering this peaceful silence with screaming black headlines, blaring radios, and it’ cacophony of voices all vying for my attention. Repeating over and over again the stories of hate, violence, bigotry, deceit and death while trying vainly to justify man’s sins and weaknesses by linking them to noble sounding causes, rationalizing them in the name of logic and blindly believing it to be somehow synonymous with reason. Why must man forever covert and rarely cherish? How much bounty must there be to slake the thirst of greed? Why is his lust for power greater than his need?

My mind wandered, as did I, alone in the night. I peered through the bright darkness of the countryside around me and listened intently to its silence. I spoke to myself aloud, and not unfervently – “If only all this could be mine. If only some great benevolent landowner would say to me: (‘This is yours, all of it, as far as you can see or hear. Yours to do with as you wish for as long as you want it’) how everlastingly grateful I would I be.” To be able to relax in peace and quiet; to be able to build a little world of my own, free from a world of tarnish and greed., free from men living too much on the misfortunes and sufferings of each other. Ahh! This would be a dream come true.

I suddenly stopped and stood still in the road as the truth struck me with a stunning force and I must confess a degree of condemnation. In a moment I became aware that a great land owner really had given me this to do with as saw fit as long as I wished. Slowly I began to walk again but now the night, the countryside and I had changed and I knew what I should have known before.

I had been walking in the night but I had not been walking alone.bills dad 2

Imagine my joy in reading this treasure.  I couldn’t help thinking that for the next fifty years of his life Bill’s father lived this revelation.  I wanted very much to know if that was true.  I wanted to know if this was written for something or merely to cement his thoughts and be used as a reminder when life intruded as it did on his walk.  I was curious to know more about this wonderful story that made him think of Ordinary Legacy. My friend did not disappoint.

I never knew my father had written “My Walk Alone” while he was alive. He passed away in 2002. I found this and several other ponderings while going through his files helping my Mom with his affairs. I transcribed what he wrote so I could save it, and share it with my family. I forgot about it till last weekend, I was going through my files looking for things to send my son.  He asked me to send what I call Billisms.

My Dad went by his middle name Bill (William). He was an interesting guy who had a great worldly curiosity. He wasn’t the kind of Dad that played ball with the kids, or went to sporting events. He would take us to plays, or symphony concerts, or the circus.  He was a very good photographer. He loved taking pictures of flowers, and landscapes and people. He took all his pictures in slide format, and we would sit around the house while dad had a slide show of his collections. We didn’t really appreciate it enough when we were kids.

He was not interested in cars or mechanics. He was an artist who did fantastic pencil drawings, and did enameling work for a while. When he was young, he worked as an artist for the Scranton Lace Company designing Lace patterns.

He was an avid gardener with a huge vegetable garden, and numerous sculpted flower beds. He was an amateur actor, and director and played many roles. He was a Deacon in the Church, yet he loved science. He was great at giving sermons. He was an accomplished golfer, and President of his golf club. He was an accomplished gymnast, and I remember he could go up and down the stairs of our house walking on his hands. 

He had a great laugh, and was a handsome man with twinkling, radiant blue eyes. 

What fond memories of an interesting man, I can see why Bill loves some of the things he does.  I can also see where he takes after his father, living his life the way he wants his story told.  This is no ordinary legacy, three generations sharing the gifts of each other carrying on and adding original links that reach back and forward.  I am deeply grateful to have been able to share this with our little community.

Ordinary Legacy loves Billism #34:

Reading history is informative.

  1. Remember history is helpful.
  2. Making history is living life to its fullest.

To all of you who have your fathers close, enjoy them, even the slide shows, they are too quickly gone but as you can clearly see, never forgotten.  Thank you, Thank you Bill for the gift of this story for us all.

 

 

 

 

What to say?

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Anne Lamott, my favorite spiritual rantist, let loose on her Facebook page today about what people should say in certain situations.  It is brilliant and you should read it if you haven’t already.

I’ve been in several situations this week that relate.  My own was on Memorial Day which is notoriously a somber nostalgic day for me.  Add to that everyone plucked my last nerve, because do you still not know the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day.  Nothing was moving fast enough for me, I was due for a pity party extraordinaire, and the day just wouldn’t end fast enough.  It wasn’t even a full moon.  Enter my best friend Sandra, who has an uncanny ability to just pick up the phone for no reason and get bombarded with my shit.  To which, she listens and nods (even though I can’ see it) and then says a few words of brilliance at the end of my rant that puts a bow of validation on it and tells me to pour and inch and take the rest of the day off.  I barely even remember what those words were but they worked just like they always do.  The funny part is she doesn’t really trust that so she keeps me on a kind of “watch” through the next day…just in case.

Then another dear friend learned of her mother’s stroke, which left her devastated and helpless being so far from her mother.  There are things as adults of a certain age that we know are inevitable yet we are struck by them none the less.  We had an entire discussion by text…how the hell do you comfort someone and read their emotions by text.  It’s possible if you know them very very well, if you know what their underlying pain is, the pain they only show certain people they trust.  It can be done if you create a vigil of keeping in touch and checking in.  It can be done if you mirror what they are saying and just let them know you’re there for them, which is infinitely easier by text.  This is a day by day, minute by minute situation uniquely suited to the instant messaging phenomenon.

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There is a relatively new practice where people create a Journey page for someone who is ill.  It becomes a place where progress can be shared and prayers can be exchanged and all manner of positive discussion can take place.  There is a huge initial outpouring from friends, family, coworkers and acquaintances, note the word initial.  There are the best of intentions from each of the participants but somehow people drop off, especially if the progress isn’t good. It becomes uncomfortable and people can’t seem to find the words.  This makes me at once sad and pissed.  I get it, you don’t know what to say but it’s a commitment people sometimes don’t realize.  Someone has to keep that commitment, yeah I know.  Perhaps post, haven’t heard in a while, how’s everything?  Just thinking of you.  How’s the family?  Anything you need?  Be the person who starts the conversation again, even if it’s uncomfortable, say something.  They will appreciate it more than wondering where everyone went.

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There are times when it’s better to react with no reaction like me wanting to tattle on the guy that’s taking up valuable parking real estate with his third car (which he’s not supposed to have) only to find out it might be because it would be easier for his near death dog to get into from that parking space.  My constant nagging myself about checking my motivation proved invaluable in this situation because I kept asking myself why does this bother you so much.  What makes you so righteous…amen, keep checking that motivation.  My sister is having a similar conversation with herself about a friend of hers and I’m pretty sure she’s coming to the same conclusion; some things are just not yours to speak to…

In the end I think I gave some solid advice to someone just going into divorce mediation this week.  I suggested she make a list of what she wanted posed in the most positive light possible starting with the things that would be easiest to say and for the other to hear.  The list is important in these instances if one tends to get flustered and God knows you can live much easier with yourself if you’ve taken the high road.

“listen before you speak and if you speak with truth and compassion for yourself and himself it will be exactly as it should be…”

Do with that what you will.

 

 

 

 

The Air of the Day

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“We may not know whether our understanding is correct, or whether our sentiments are noble, but the air of the day surrounds us like spring which spreads over the land without our aid or notice.” ― Abraham Joshua Heschel

Every year there is that day, the one that brings energy and dirty hands and relaxing and doing and satisfaction and tired muscles at the end of it.  Today was that day.

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It started out easy like Sunday morning in the relaxing and reading and playing.  Toti Nonna has rediscovered her toys.  Lina was not a toy girl; she was a lover who stuck as close as possible to anyone who would pet her.  As time goes by Toti rediscovers a bit at a time. Today was that day.

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The air was so warm and the sun so bright you just had to be outside.  I’ve been trying to make a beautiful space out of some packed soil that gets a bit of afternoon sun since I got here.  I salvaged an Adirondack chair from the dumpster many years ago that just needed a few screws and it’s been moved from one section of the back space to another looking for just the right spot.  Yes I know it needs a paint job desperately not just for the aesthetics but also to keep it together.

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I also had the good fortune to inherit some wonderful flag stone from a friend and today was the day to make this space come a little bit more alive.  So for the last time this winter I put on my duck boots and got to work.  Loosening the soil, placing the stones and back filling the cracks; I wanted to get it all done this weekend so the upcoming April showers would set them more permanently.  I get this is no professional job but it’s added yet another story for the neighbors to tell about the crazy women who’s trying to transform the space next to the enchanted forest.  Not sure I’ve convinced them it’s enchanted yet either.  Some mulch and creeping ground cover and it should really take shape, maybe even creep into that enchanted forest.

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There is something about doing the work yourself, putting a bit of yourself into it that will give it the legacy effect.  Combine that with the story of each of the components and the legacy seems to get even more sure of itself.

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There is also something about getting to the end of the job and sitting down to evaluate your work that gives you more satisfaction then writing a check.  The view from the new home for the Adirondack chair into the enchanted forest is perfect.  The summer sun will come over the roof at about 3pm and that’s pretty much where you’ll find me well into the fall.

 

 

There Is More Than One Way to Tell a Story

 

Lime and Lime Again (28)There is a thing you do, Makes you uniquely you, What is it about you?

Your special talent for keeping everyone informed and documenting life?

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Your annoying thing like bitching about a lost hour? It’s a true thing I’m not the only one.

The way you do this….DSC_0972

Or that

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Or you refuse to do this….074

Someone’s got to hold the pocketbooks.

What’s your signature dish?DSC_3284

Glasses?037

Look?DSC_1642 (2)Or phrase…just sayin.

What are the things you let people see and the things you keep to yourself.

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Your dark moments that could vanish if only…

The lives you touchDSC_5980 (2)

Who wags their tail for you, was it always so?Grooming Day (11)

What makes you laugh out loud?127

What do you collect?Adorno Spring Fair (7)

What’s your guilty pleasure? Carmel Cone Ice Cream? Butterscotch fudge? Frozen Thin Mints? You detect a trend here?DSC_0561

What’s on your list? Love?  Travel? Lime and Lime Again (20)

All these bits add up to your story even if you think you don’t have one, you do. You just have to add up all the isms and scraps and tidbits and ah ha moments and there it is. You are no accident you are a deliberate life with a story worth telling and a legacy like no other.

Slowly very slowly a trust is beginning to grow. People are sharing their stories. Some of their own, some of the one’s they love. They are recognizing legacy in the ordinary and sharing in this little community. The gift of hearing or reading someone’s story is worth more than anything money can buy; to be granted permission to share it and preserve it in the space of time is humbling. There are wonderful stories coming soon to this tiny place on the Internet. For this, and so much more, I am grateful and jazzed and encouraged. I believe I’ll make that my new word…encouraged.

Stay tuned…

Ida’s Ravioli

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When two friends are passionate about their heritage and their love of cooking and their recipes ultimately one thing will lead to another.  My dear friend Tonine and I have been talking culinary for years and after comparing and competing we have finally come to a showdown, of sorts.  By the way, she wins or rather her mom, Ida, wins, big time.

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I was thrilled to be invited recently to Sunday dinner at Ida’s where she would be making the now famous ravioli on the even more famous (better be included in the will to Tonine) board she uses for everything pasta.  I came with camera and curiosity and neither was disappointed.  I made myself as invisible as is possible for a round girl like me and clicked away.

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Ida is formidable in her eighties, she has been cooking her entire life and she continues to this day to go to work in a local school cafeteria.  To watch her work with food is to watch a story being told.  There are so many stories being told on this day not the least of which is love of family, pride of heritage and legacy in the making.

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Tonine’s brother Paul, his wife Amy and their two boys, Beau and Bryce came for the “photo shoot” and soon the tiny little apartment was abuzz with chatter and laughter and loudness and teasing and pure love.  Ida loves her family and shows them in completely different ways.  She is still vigilant with her children though they are grown and her grandchildren can do no wrong…because that’s what a Momma and a Nonna does.

The ingredients are ready and the process begins.  Everyone is involved either hands on or with a comment here or there until it comes to the pasta dough, to this day only Ida is kneading and rolling the dough, only her hands know the right consistency and have the right touch.  My guess is that these children make their own pasta in their own homes using the lessons they’ve learned from Ida but in Ida’s house Ida rolls the dough.

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It’s a wonderful back and forth between them all, one jumping in when the other jumps out to keep the boys engaged in a way that keeps them out of trouble but in the mix.  When brother and sister stand side by side the quips and the teasing and the love go back and forth and back and forth, it’s a joy to watch something I’m sure they don’t even know they are doing.  All the while Ida is at work, she pauses to get everyone’s attention and keep their wonderful assembly line going.  Finally the ravioli are ready to cook and enjoy.

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But first the board must be cleaned and the table cleared.  Tonine volunteer’s to clean the board but Ida declines as she brushes the flour from its surface the look on her face reminisces the many times she’s used it and every story that it might tell.  It is held in reverence as a cherished link to times gone by.

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Roused from the reverie Ida finds her way into the kitchen to “cook”, everything she can think of because Italian people can’t help themselves.  The cutlets are fried the pasta water is boiling, the sauce and the vegetables are readied the bread is baked and the wine is poured.

Ida Ravioli (121)While Ida is in the kitchen the drinks are made, Tonine’s husband Mark joins us and the laughter increases a few more decibels.  This is what Sundays are made of in large families, even when they get a bit smaller there is still an easy flow that settles in on a home for Sunday dinner.

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The table is set and the camera and phones are put away.  The TV is off and the eating begins.  The ravioli are large like the opening of the glass they were made with and round and light and flavorful.  They taste of heritage and love and I eat at least three, OK maybe four.  And, of course, a taste of everything else on that table because I certainly don’t want to insult Ida….

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We eat, we talk, we laugh, Tonine and I sit side by side, shoulder to shoulder and pass a look that says this is what life is all about. We can’t look for long or the tears might come. Neighbors come and go with ice and cookies and drinks flow and time passes and then I go home.  But I smile all that night and the next day having been welcomed and trusted with the recipe for Ida’s ravioli.  I won’t make them her way, I could never do them justice but I will look forward to the day, hopefully many many years from now, when the board is passed to Tonine and she asks me to come and help her make ravioli.  It will be my privilege to join her to tell this story again, and again, and again.

Thank you Ida, for trusting me with your story.