Ida’s Ravioli

Posted on February 8, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

When two friends are passionate about their heritage and their love of cooking and their recipes ultimately one thing will lead to another. My dear friend Tonine and I have been talking culinary for years and after comparing and competing we have finally come to a showdown, of sorts. By the way, she wins or rather her mom, Ida, wins, big time.

I was thrilled to be invited recently to Sunday dinner at Ida’s where she would be making the now famous ravioli on the even more famous (better be included in the will to Tonine) board she uses for everything pasta. I came with camera and curiosity and neither was disappointed. I made myself as invisible as is possible for a round girl like me and clicked away.

Ida is formidable in her eighties, she has been cooking her entire life and she continues to this day to go to work in a local school cafeteria. To watch her work with food is to watch a story being told. There are so many stories being told on this day not the least of which is love of family, pride of heritage and legacy in the making.

Tonine’s brother Paul, his wife Amy and their two boys, Beau and Bryce came for the “photo shoot” and soon the tiny little apartment was abuzz with chatter and laughter and loudness and teasing and pure love. Ida loves her family and shows them in completely different ways. She is still vigilant with her children though they are grown and her grandchildren can do no wrong…because that’s what a Momma and a Nonna does.

The ingredients are ready and the process begins. Everyone is involved either hands on or with a comment here or there until it comes to the pasta dough, to this day only Ida is kneading and rolling the dough, only her hands know the right consistency and have the right touch. My guess is that these children make their own pasta in their own homes using the lessons they’ve learned from Ida but in Ida’s house Ida rolls the dough.

It’s a wonderful back and forth between them all, one jumping in when the other jumps out to keep the boys engaged in a way that keeps them out of trouble but in the mix. When brother and sister stand side by side the quips and the teasing and the love go back and forth and back and forth, it’s a joy to watch something I’m sure they don’t even know they are doing. All the while Ida is at work, she pauses to get everyone’s attention and keep their wonderful assembly line going. Finally the ravioli are ready to cook and enjoy.

But first the board must be cleaned and the table cleared. Tonine volunteer’s to clean the board but Ida declines as she brushes the flour from its surface the look on her face reminisces the many times she’s used it and every story that it might tell. It is held in reverence as a cherished link to times gone by.

Roused from the reverie Ida finds her way into the kitchen to “cook”, everything she can think of because Italian people can’t help themselves. The cutlets are fried the pasta water is boiling, the sauce and the vegetables are readied the bread is baked and the wine is poured.

While Ida is in the kitchen the drinks are made, Tonine’s husband Mark joins us and the laughter increases a few more decibels. This is what Sundays are made of in large families, even when they get a bit smaller there is still an easy flow that settles in on a home for Sunday dinner.

The table is set and the camera and phones are put away. The TV is off and the eating begins. The ravioli are large like the opening of the glass they were made with and round and light and flavorful. They taste of heritage and love and I eat at least three, OK maybe four. And, of course, a taste of everything else on that table because I certainly don’t want to insult Ida….

We eat, we talk, we laugh, Tonine and I sit side by side, shoulder to shoulder and pass a look that says this is what life is all about. We can’t look for long or the tears might come. Neighbors come and go with ice and cookies and drinks flow and time passes and then I go home. But I smile all that night and the next day having been welcomed and trusted with the recipe for Ida’s ravioli. I won’t make them her way, I could never do them justice but I will look forward to the day, hopefully many many years from now, when the board is passed to Tonine and she asks me to come and help her make ravioli. It will be my privilege to join her to tell this story again, and again, and again.

Thank you Ida, for trusting me with your story.

Wasting Your Breath

Posted on February 1, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

It’s been an interesting week, one filled with quotes and quips about arguing of all things. I’m no longer an arguer; I actually think I may have learned a thing or two about NOT arguing. As tempted as I may be to insert my wisdom, you know the kind that comes from having screwed up so many times and made so many mistakes you can call yourself wise just by virtue of having tipped the experience scale in the not much left to screw up category, I’m trying not to.

For a while now I’ve been using the word, O-K said in the most upbeat bordering on sing songy way to get out of an argument but this week I noticed:

Come on, this is brilliant. Of course you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to you can actually NOT TAKE THE BAIT. It’s true. Even if it’s your hot button issue you can choose not to argue.

I’ve given up arguing with both children, cats and dogs. I pretty much treat them the same way, catch them doing something good, don’t reward bad behavior and be the pack leader. Toto and I have been figuring out life without Lina and I will say something like, come on Toti let’s go. Nothing. She doesn’t move, she gives me the raised eyebrows, which are adorable and incredibly tempting to fall for, but doesn’t move. O-K and I walk away, to the kitchen, get the leash and wait. Well look who it is; ready to go for a walk. Yep, sitting right in front of me waiting for the signal. Just sayin.

Several weeks ago my mother asked if I would pick her up a bottle of Amaretto. O-K not a problem. I brought it to her one Sunday when we all got together for breakfast; you see where this is going… We had coffee and breakfast and up she went to get a particular cordial glass and poured herself a glass of Amaretto. My sister and I looked at each other and thought the same thing. We’re not going to argue the merits of this, at 84 years old you can do whatever the hell you want. I plan on it myself. By the way, the bottle and the glass remain on the table.

I have a friend who gets so frustrated by not getting the assistance around the house she craves from her family. We have the same discussion every single time; it’s no longer an argument because it’s crossed over into something else. The definition of insanity and we laugh about it now. The discussion goes something like; there are over three hundred ways to do the dishes why does it have to be your way? They are helping, who the hell cares if they stack them different, they’re not breaking them and they are clean. Just sayin you either let them do it their way or shut the hell up, no?

I was there, I did that, I have a system (for almost everything) so when I’m in the zone no one will ask if they can help but I don’t want them to ask. I don’t lament that they don’t ask because I know I’m a pain in the ass. I’ve learned not to argue with reality.

Last but not least if I want someone’s opinion I will definitely ask for it. I will ask my most trusted, the people who care for me and know me better than anyone else. I will not trust my vulnerability to just anyone. It keeps me out of arguments with others, and myself because I can chat it up in my head pretty good, based on your “shoulds”. Yeah, no thanks. So if you’re offering and I’m respectfully declining, you should take the hint. O-K. I tend to agree with Keshia Knight Pulliam when she says, “I’d rather laugh – not fuss and fight…you just need to say, “you’re real cool but you’re not for me”

Perfect.

Patina

Posted on January 25, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character. — Ralph B. Perry

Sometimes the most beautiful pieces of furniture are the ones that show their age. Call them antiques, call them vintage. You can see many different layers of paint, the different colors begin to show through and there are bare spots where people have rubbed against them over and over and over. This is called patina. Patina can happen naturally over time or can be artificially imposed on a piece. Either way it’s beautiful but mostly in the eye of the beholder who appreciates it.

I am lucky enough to do my work at what was once my grandmother’s kitchen table. It now resides in my office and I love every inch of it. It hasn’t been painted in years and the rubbings and chips are what give it patina. When I pull out the hidden cutting board I can get an idea of what her kitchen must have looked like by the remnants of color.

Humans too have patina. Theirs are the wrinkles, the thinning hair and silver highlights. These are the layers of human patina. There isn’t a person in the world that sets out to artificially impose this patina on themselves, rather they seem to do anything they can to prevent this natural appearance. This is legacy’s roadmap etched by laughter and tears, prosperity and hardship and well…life. Your story will show up as your own personal patina. I hope you will learn to embrace it and find it beautiful.

The Velveteen Rabbit said it best: Still Beautiful – “Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes don’t see as well and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. “But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand”

Today I had the privilege of spending the day with my dear friend’s family making ravioli and getting a glimpse into their lives. They welcomed me into their home with my camera and my curiosity and I am enormously grateful. I hope to post their story shortly but for now, know that the board for making the ravioli has seen hundreds, if not thousands, of them and the ravioli maker is one of the loveliest women I’ve ever met. Both are beautiful evidenced that patina of the most genuine nature is stunning and will leave its story on your heart. It’s Real.

Expectation

Posted on January 18, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…or NOT. Leave it to me to second guess the golden rule, sorry Luke. But what if what you would want doesn’t even come close to what another would want? How golden is a rule that puts everyone in that awkward position? How can a person really “be that person” (legacy lesson number one) without going down the road to hell, you know the one paved with good intentions.

Shakespeare wrote that expectations are the root of all heartache, if that’s so why not live outside of expectations? I ran up against a few situations this week and last that expectations seemed to get the better of me and it gave me pause.

I linked a blog post of mine on Anne Lamott’s Facebook page in genuine camaraderie with a phrase she turned in one of her posts. She mentioned she was “taking the sacrament of putter”. Brilliant! My “Art of Puttering” was in keeping with her sentiment. My post received over a thousand hits to my blog…let me say that again, my post received over a thousand hits. It was a holy shit moment bigger than anything I had yet to see. I was grateful, I was elated, and I was happy, beyond joyful. You can imagine.

So what did I do? I considered, no I actually tried the same thing on other blogs expecting to see another fabulous boost to my blog stats. See how that word snuck in there? I didn’t post with a good intention, I didn’t for one minute check my motivation. Payoff, zero. Ok maybe not zero but it was kinda that road to hell thing.

Last week when I was researching my meditation piece I ran up against this:

May all this remain undefiled

By the stains of the eight mundane concerns;

And may I, recognizing all things as illusion,

Devoid of clinging, be released from bondage.

This is the teaching of the Dalai Lama. The eight mundane concerns are attitudes that tend to dominate our lives generally. They are: becoming elated when someone praises you, becoming depressed when someone insults or belittles you, feeling happy when you experience success, being depressed when you experience failure, being joyful when you acquire wealth, feeling dispirited when you become poor, being pleased when you have fame, and feeling depressed when you lack recognition.

In no way am I “that person” that can remain undefiled by the stains of the eight mundane concerns. I could meditate until the cows come home and never begin to get close to releasing at least three of those mundane concerns from my grasp. However, it seems it all comes down to checking your motivation.

My Lina lost her fight with cancer this week, or I should say I helped her end her fight with cancer this week. This was a case of do unto others as you would have them do unto you, kinda. The decision to have the emergency surgery was mine back in December, the decision to begin chemo was mine. My motivation was to give her as much time with us as we could without any sacrifice of quality of life. The expectation was that she could beat the average life expectancy of this very invasive cancer. My expectation, not hers, which would give us all time to learn to live in the moment and prepare Toto (and me) for life without her. It’s what I would want for myself but I went right down that damn road…again. We had a month and a week of quality, joyous live in the tail wagging happy dance moments until she decided her work was done. I let go the expectations and let her go with no regrets. I learned that to do unto others as you would have them do unto you means actually listening to them and acting on what it is they want. That the harder thing to do is sometimes the right thing to do. To try and stay off that damn road lined with good intention by adapting the golden rule without expectation and living the lessons Lina taught.

And so I’ve also decided that people will find my little blog if I genuinely do my work, believe in my message and live my life the way I want my story told. When I honestly believe that sharing what I have to say on someone else’s like-minded post is appropriate and purely motivated I will do so. When I’m tempted to work the social media game I won’t. I believe that what I have to say is important and I will find a proper way to say it without expectation of increased site stats and Facebook likes. If nothing else I will learn to check my motivation.

Me Meditate?

Posted on January 11, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

Ordinary Legacy Mantra: Thank you for this day and everything in it.

They tell me that meditation can be practiced by anyone, anywhere, and that you can focus your attention, produce a deep state of relaxation and a tranquil mind. Do you know me? During meditation your attention is focused and your ricochet rabbit thoughts can be eliminated…really? You can achieve calm, peace and balance that are beneficial to both your emotional and overall health. And even when your meditation session ends your benefits just keep on keepin on.

The Mayo Clinic gives the following emotional benefits from meditation: Gaining new perspective, stress management, increased self-awareness, reducing negative emotions and focusing on the present. Ok, I’m listening, I could use a little of this and a little of that.

They go on to inform us that certain medical conditions that can be worsened by stress might find meditation useful. Of course the jury is still out as their disclaimer clearly states (meditation isn’t a replacement for traditional medical treatment) but perhaps anxiety disorders, asthma, depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, pain and sleep problems could be eased by integrating meditation into one’s life. I happen to have a few of those…

The numerous ways to meditate range from guided to mantra to mindfulness to transcendental meditation and can include some physical practices like Qi Gong, Tai chi, and Yoga. There are any number of Gurus, both on line and in the community, willing to impart their wisdom…seriously? It’s a business? Honey everything is a business…

Several years ago I took up the practice of daily affirmations and this seemed to me the next logical step. Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

With all the talk of deep breathing and letting all those invasive thoughts float by like clouds I thought my head would blow off and I would hyperventilate. First of all it is nearly impossible to stop your thoughts, if they stop you stop. And deep breathing when forced becomes the hardest thing ever and really loud in your head.

Repeat a mantra…seriously the mantras that are most often associated with meditation are in a completely different language. I don’t know, nor do I wish to know Sanskrit, or whatever.

Make sure you’re not disturbed. Use a candle at the beginning if it is too uncomfortable to keep your eyes closed. Meditate first thing in the morning before anything else when your mind is at its most quiet. I have dogs, the first thing that happens in my house is a dash for the door with all the accoutrements of the morning walk to relieve…it all. Not disturbed…with dogs? One eye is always opening to see what those two are up to especially now that Lina is in treatment. Where exactly does one put a candle with two dogs roaming around you as you’re cross legged on the floor, which in itself is a bit of a thing, to say nothing of the smooches on the face because you are after all at eye level. And you know they’re watching you even if they’re not right in your face…

Notice small adjustments and do NOT stress. Meditation is what it is, they say, and just do the best you can at the time. Ok, it may be what it is to you but my epiphany came when I realized the single only thing in your life that is always in the moment is your body. So I put my body where it’s comfortable, in my chair. They say it’s ok to sit in a chair but your feet should be on the floor, eh not so much. I do a body scan, which they actually recommend, to see how everything feels and make small adjustments so nothing is falling asleep or twitching or numb. Just so you know, your nose will itch as soon as you close your eyes.

I tune in to Pandora calm meditation channel, set a meditation timer (there’s an app for that) pick up my coffee, and shut my eyes. I know, the coffee isn’t really a step in any guru’s teachings but I love the feel of the warmth through the cup and when my mind wanders I can either bring it back to my body (which is always in the moment remember) or take a sip and feel that velvety hot liquid going down my throat and warming me all over. I am now practiced at the art of finding my lips with my eyes closed and not spilling a drop. I catch on quick…just sayin.

If one of the dogs puts a paw up on the chair, they now recognize that the slight opening of one eye means get the hell off and somehow they do…energy is indeed powerful.

The moral of this story is that it seems to be working. Not in any formal sense that the meditating community would recognize but I find myself coming back to my body and closing my eyes during the day too. I find my mind is a bit slower, when I ask it to be, and that my shoulders have somehow found their way down my neck. When I’m in a stressful situation I tend to breathe differently. My breathing regulates and I don’t need to think about it anymore.

Liz Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame talks in these terms about meditation, “It’s not necessarily discipline. Discipline can become a prison. When your spiritual practices become another thing for you to be anxious about, they’ve lost their usefulness. I try to be limber with it and soft with it”. Amen Sister. I too am being soft with it but I think I might actually be doing this meditation thing, kinda.

Ordinary Legacy

Preserving moments in time through thoughtful words and images.

Category Archives: Pause Points

Ida’s Ravioli

Wasting Your Breath

Patina

Expectation

Me Meditate?

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