Category Archives: Pause Points

Ordinary legacy moments in time.

Yes?

Posted on by

DSC_0001 (2)

What about you, they said, would you jump out of a plane.  Uh, no.  Skiing?  You mean where you look out over the top of a mountain and then throw yourself over on the equivalent of two sticks?  Uh, no.  Sounds like I’m starting from no but, in fact, quite a bit of thought has gone into these decisions.

Really I start from yes most of the time and I’d really like to see more people do that.  When posed the statement:  I want to live in a world _____.  I said I want to live in a world where people start from yes.  I get that that isn’t going to happen all the time but this week it didn’t happen at all.

I’m backing out of a parking space on Stowe Lane last week and my overly cautious, not want to scrape up my tires and rims, watch the mirrors, and the camera way of doing that pissed off one of my neighbors.  I didn’t cut her off but she did have to wait and she was in my face about that.  Really?  You’ve heard me mention the Mayor of the Pool and her hard ass, gravelly voice, don’t come to my end of the pool, incensed because she has to go outside the fence to smoke personality.  Well there she was giving me the face and the head shake as I’m apologizing.  Wait.  I’m apologizing.  She didn’t stop, she didn’t care so you can imagine me going all triple dog dare and calling her bitch.  I’m not proud of it but it needed to be done.

Why was that necessary in a darling little neighborhood like ours?  Why is it ever necessary to always start from no without a second’s hesitation?

Enter the Starbucks one morning and it’s jammin…no surprise it’s 8:30am.  Waiting in line, smiling and chatting with the people.  Place my order, venti skim no foam one Splenda latte please.  Your name she says. Sandi.  What?  It’s not an uncommon name but for an Ashley or a Jessica or a Kiley…who knows, maybe?  I repeat it and ask her to check if my free drink is in the computer.  Well we’ve been having problems checking against the cards (I see, the app would indeed be better) and the Starbucks computer hasn’t been responding and….oh…it went through.   I didn’t actually say it this time but she was indeed…

Continue through last week in anticipation of what I call the periodic justify your existence meeting this week.  Provide the information the project leaders were looking for only to find out it was being used at a conference call I only off handedly heard about.  You know I’m all for the next generation coming up and making a difference and I really worry about being labeled the old woman when I try and hint that they may not be entirely on track in their thinking.  Well this dinosaur knows like she knows that some people are plunging head first into fixing an anomaly by changing policy and they don’t know what they don’t know.  Point is they are starting from no.  After struggling with a spreadsheet that would provide the much needed reality check over the weekend I closed it and I’ll be damned if I know where it went.  Note to self….trying to justify your existence over the weekend with an I’ll show those spiky haired, skinny jeans kids sucking up to the guy on the ledge with one foot on a banana peel attitude might not have been the right motivation.  Sometimes the universe provides a motivation check on my behalf; thank God I printed the file.

Why is it necessary in a world renowned company to power grab instead of practice the art of consensus?

I was going to plunge right back in this morning on gathering the reality check material but I decided to start from yes instead.  Not my idea exactly, more like Evi and I sharing a glass of wine over our previous night’s texting where she reminded me to take today off, it will wait.  And our ever present mantra, it’s just cars.   So I did, today I started from yes.  Took a walk with two sets of dogs, took myself around my dear Stowe Lane, camera in hand to capture what is surely the last of the turning leaves.  Rearranged my office to be MY office, not my other work office.  Spruced up my home, took out something fabulous for dinner with my friend Sandra and let it go.

So many signs handed to me this week to start again.  When I started this post with:

Legacy Lesson: Start from Yes

Start from YesAnd then: Ordinary Wisdom from Tina Fey

tiny fey

And finally: Ordinary Food for Thought

when you say yesI never thought it would turn into a rant about NO.  The fact is I should have heeded the hints, actually more like the bricks, thrown at me and stayed on course with my original thoughts on saying yes to more and more invitations, more and more tiny community adventures and more and more positive interaction.  Thankfully I’m doing that but as with anything else you can never really see the power of one thing unless you’ve experience it’s direct opposite.  I believed before in the power of yes I certainly have confirmed that this week.

 

 

Un Nuovo Giorno

Posted on by

034

The alarm goes off on days I go to the office and immediately I am nose to nose with the two loves of my life. On those days I don’t go to the office they serve as my alarm clock, same technique just a bit later…but not much.

I stand, breathe in as my arms rise over my head. As I bring them down and cross my hands over my heart I am saying,

Thank you God for this day and everything in it. I love you.

Exhale. I know Everything means Everything, good, bad, happy, sad, my things, my thoughts, my lessons, Everything.

Un Nuovo Giorno, a new day, the first day of my life.  This is a love song sung by my beloved Andrea Bocelli.  I can’t get past the third line without tears, I can never sing it for the lump in my throat but for me it’s not about a person, it’s about how I see my relationship with God.

Some people believe, some people don’t. I believe. No good has ever come to me without me first saying thank you and I try to say it often. I am not religious in the formal sense but I have a practice.  I don’t go to church in the literal sense but my home is sacred.

My morning ritual continues on my walk with the girls. No iPod, no distraction, no rush.  Business first then we can walk and look, and listen to our neighborhood. Back home to Stowe Ln we exhale again. Every time I walk through that door I exhale thanks to the beautiful insight of my summer sister Kyle. When I got to Stowe Lane she blessed me with a wonderful wall decal that says:  “Breathe, you’re home.”  Everyone exhales when they get to Stowe Lane thanks to that little reminder, whether they realize it or not.

breathe you're home

On to green smoothies and dog food and coffee. Dispensed appropriately of course. I sit in my comfy chair with my hands wrapped around my warm cup of coffee to let my mind create my day. I learned of a meditation yesterday in a class I attended called the Calming Heart Meditation, place the left hand into the palm of your right hand and put your thumbs together creating a circle.  That is exactly how I hold my coffee cup…seems instinct will lead you to the ancient if you are open.

There are some days when I need to start again.  I don’t mind starting some days again, I get I’m not perfect.  I get that other people aren’t perfect.  Perfection is a myth perpetuated by God knows who to what end I have no idea.  All I want it is to look back over a day and say I tried or I did the best I could or I started again.  No shame, no regret, just considerations of how things might be better next time.

In answer to the question: What iF I truly believe I’d be just fine…what does your un nuovo giorno bring you?

Translation

 

 

Give A Little Bit

Posted on by

with gramma2 (2)

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
I’ll give a little bit of my life for you
Now’s the time that we need to share
So find yourself, we’re on our way back home…Roger Hodgson – Supertramp

It seems to me that as soon as we’re born we’re already on our way back home.  I was reminded of that recently when I completed a questionnaire for a course I was taking.  One of the questions was something like tell me something that hasn’t ever appeared on your bio.  I had come across pictures of my maternal grandmother and me when I was two years old. They are lovely, the story goes that she wasn’t supposed to live long enough to see me born. Somehow she did and I’ve been told I was the reason she lived an additional two years.  The love shows in these pictures and in seeing them now, at this age, I got a sense of having been destined in some way.

So what do you do with that?  I believe I tried very hard to become generous; in different and interesting ways.  Iyanla Vanzant said, “When you stand and share your story in an empowering way your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.  My story has become about generosity, as Evi would say, I’m a giver…she means it in a completely different and funny way I’m sure.  I’ve had to learn the difference between being self-sacrificing, not a good thing, and being selfless.  I did the sacrificing thing and that didn’t work for anyone.  Self-sacrificing tends to lead to resentment because there is an expectation attached.  True generosity is giving with no expectation of anything in return.

I am an avid fund raiser for a local animal organization that provides food for pets through the local, and ever expanding, food pantries.  The thought of not being able to feed my girls just crushed me. There was a time, many years ago, that I had to cut way back but never did I ever not have food for my dogs.  I would have eaten mac and cheese daily…oh wait.  I don’t strong arm, I just send out a series of three emails and people respond.  They respond to the same thing I did, that there but for the grace of God go I, the what an innovative idea and the dedication of an all-volunteer group making a huge difference thing  They respond generously, I hope because over the years I’ve been generous in kind, through my work and through my actions.  I’m big on the way I live my life being enough no thanks required.

I was reminded recently (seems I’m always being reminded of something recently) by a friend I hadn’t spoken to in quite some time of a little thing I did for him when he was going through cancer treatment.  I would send a note by mail, I’m a huge believer in getting something other than bills and bullshit in the mail, with some encouraging quote or thought or just hello.  I would send one every week or every other week, I honestly don’t remember now, hoping they would bring a bit of something other than cancer to him.  I remember stopping them after his scans came back stellar.  I was so glad to hear how much they meant to him.

Sending things in the mail is one of those different and interesting ways I give.  Another way is giving a handkerchief to someone who has lost someone.  It’s one of those things that no one ever thinks of, probably because no one would even know where to find a handkerchief these days. I’ve got a collection of them from decades ago and I’ve stashed them with lavender in a box for just such occasions.  For those who are being as brave as they can be in the face of the rituals they must face when someone dies, why not give them something that they can bury their face in when the tears inevitably come.  Trying to maintain some sense of dignity while going through a box of tissues just doesn’t seem fair and after all is said and done, the keepsake can remind them of the respect they paid their loved one and the poise they maintained.

Photos have become another way of giving for me.  I’m trying very hard to capture life as I see it with the people I’m on my journey with.  I love my people and I hope they know it.  To cement our times together I snap away, sometimes to the momentary annoyance of my subjects, but ultimately to their delight when presented with the evidence of time well spent.  I hope that the portraits I took of my friends now departed dog will give her comfort each time she views them.  I know that the books I’ve been putting together at the end of each year are bringing my family just the perfect gift each Christmas.  I know I’m getting better at it and thanked God I didn’t screw up the most fabulous wedding pictures.

I’ve given away my pearls, my wedding dress, my money, my time, my ear, my heart but the number one give away that brings me pleasure is giving away food.  I don’t know that this could be called truly generous as I do do do want something in return.  I get no greater pleasure than cooking with and for people and having them gather around my table for eating, drinking, laughing and sharing.  Feeding people is my number one favorite thing to do, having people in my home, being surrounded by laughter, oh that just sends me.

You’ve heard me say over and over I believe in food for thought and moments in time; add to that kind gestures and that should just about cover it.  I don’t really ask for much but on a rainy, miserable day like today it would have been nice to have someone bring me a coffee and the NY Times to enjoy in bed.  Yet another post in the making…

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less the you need…Kahlil Gibran

 

 

 

 

 

No Explanation Required

Posted on by

DSC_9466 (2)

“It’s not about having things figured out, or about communicating with other people, trying to make them understand what you understand. It’s about a chicken dinner at a drive-in. A soft pillow. Things that don’t need explaining.”  Anne Beattie

Some of the things that don’t need explaining from this end-of-summer trip to the Cape are the smell of salt air and cedar, and being welcomed home.  Unpacking the car in record time because I learned long ago that I don’t need to bring nearly as much as I think I do.

Dr. Sunwolf said, “People overestimate the pleasure they’ll get from having more stuff.  This does not apply to new rose bushes, crayons, or yarn stashes.”  For me it doesn’t apply to espresso, comfortable shoes and my camera.   It doesn’t apply to a steno pad for notes or my laptop to create from those notes.

The best things in life are not things.  More things that require no explanation are visits from friends, spending time catching up and dining out.  Becoming an important destination for their much needed quick adventure is an honor and a joy.

DSC_8918

Morning walks to the beach with friends, or without them, but never without dogs.  If you can’t experience joy yourself I defy you to not see it in a couple of condo dogs playing in a back yard.  Running and rolling in the grass should be part of every vacation.

DSC_9764 (2)

Who can explain why one would wake early while on vacation?  Sleep in?  Not when the Cape is having the best weather of the year, not when you can have the beach to yourself with a screaming hot latte and the September sun and certainly not when your books are begging to be read.

The best things in life are free; Acting as personal paparazzi to your favorite people.  Meeting new people, enjoying music, and trying new foods all fall into the free or nearly free category.

009

DSC_9351

Being welcomed home to the Cape brings with it the ritual of making dinner for dear friends and sharing lively conversation for hours.  Nothing brings me more joy than cooking for friends, gathering around the table with wine and music and letting the hours roll by.

DSC_9652 (2)

DSC_9649 (2)

And quiet:

“It just took some people a little longer than others to realize how few words they needed to get by, how much of life they could negotiate in silence.” ― Tom Perrotta

At the end of the day, the most important thing is to have a moment of quiet to reflect and bless the events of the day.  Each day brought with it something to be thankful about and something to tuck away for cold winter days.

At week’s end I’m always happy to get home, it’s not much different on Stowe Lane than being away, many of the rituals and things that require no explanation are the same. The ride home is always easy, our bed is far more comfortable and welcomed and our memories vivid. Only thing missing is the beach and the smell of salt air and cedar.