Category Archives: Pause Points

Ordinary legacy moments in time.

Politics

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Tis the season to elect our next president.  From Wickipedia:  Modern political discourse focuses on democracy and the relationship between people and politics. It is thought of as the way we “choose government officials and make decisions about public policy”.

The sound of that is glorious.  I love all that it entails, the process of learning where each candidate stands, has anything in either party changed?  Should I rethink my stand on certain key items that are important to me?  Do I know enough to make an informed decision for me and my family and country?  Because, yes, I have a say in the way my country works, amazing.

For me the process of voting is highly emotional.  Nothing brings tears to my eyes more than the sound of the curtain closing behind me in the voting booth. The power that is mine at that very moment overwhelms me. There is such a sense of community at my polling location, people coming in with their coffee cups, greeting one another and wishing everyone well as they wait to take their turn in the booth regardless of party affiliation or beliefs.

All these things are intensely personal and I wish to keep it that way. The older I get the more I adopt my father’s philosophy, I don’t enjoy talking politics.  I believe that ruins friendships and work relationships so I tend to “agree to disagree” when backed into a conversation on politics that I find belittling, threatening or overpowering.

One of the strongest philosophies I believe is that we are probably more alike than we are different but I honestly don’t wish to confirm this, I choose simply to believe it. I must say I wonder about things like, if you are a conservative Republican and a member of your family is gay, what do you do?  I don’t want to know, I simply wonder. There are many nuances to the fabric of our country that could play out this way, that give me pause, especially as a woman especially as a person who believes strongly in the separation of church and state. I worry for our country in that we don’t seem to be looking for our similarities but only at our differences.

I am uneasy about the national debt, I am concerned about the economy, and I fear that our politicians no longer look upon their jobs as one of service to the people of this country and that they have become, one and all, power hungry to their own end.

I’ve been called liberal. It’s a broad term that not many people understand based ironically on the ideas of liberty and equality.  Again the woman thing…and probably because I believe in people helping people and the government championing that.  I have a colleague that thinks that liberal equals un-American and said as much.  I was not forwarded a donation request for a very worthy cause for the Wounded Warriors because he felt I was too liberal.  I have never been so hurt, tears in my eyes hurt, ever before. Instilled by my father, I am a believer that if your country asks you to go to war we must all stand behind you regardless of our belief in the cause that put you there.  I believe in people period.

I will continue to agree to disagree and make it known that that’s where I stand, firmly planting in the pact that we should not discuss our philosophies. I must say that I fear people will try and impose themselves and their philosophies on me as happened just recently.  I had this very agreement with a colleague for quite some time and something made him send me a politically charged email that was untrue.  Had it been based in truth I might have responded differently but the fact is he broke the pact we had in the interest of stirring the pot.  This is not the true essence of our country, we can each believe what we believe and allow the other to do the same.   We can also endeavor to find out, through listening to each other, where we share our certain views and respect each other where we don’t.

I love my country and I stand behind my President.  Regardless of their party because my fellow Americans said it should be so.  I know like I know that we are more similar than we are different and if only we could exhale and remember that, in our country, we have the amazing gift of freedom allowing us to have a conversation that might bring us closer rather than further apart. Bottom line, don’t forget to vote your beliefs as you see fit, it is your right and your privilege. On this we can agree.

The Devine Miss “Ev”

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Written Aug 27, 2012 11:48am

Sunday, August 26th, was a very special day in the life of Evelyn Grace Fretz.  She was baptized, bathed in the love of God and family.  As very aptly put by the Pastor, “Baptism is an outward symbol of the inward grace of God”.  I was most happy to get the phone call several weeks ago from Jared, stating that they were pinning down a date for Evi’s baptism. I remember thinking how joyful Jay must be to have this dialogue taking place.

Christian, Audrey (my sister) and I made the trek to Pittsburgh for this wonderful occassion.  It had been about 1 1/2 months since I’ve seen/held Evi and I was excited to be with her, Jared and Kelly!  I was totally prepared to give Evi any necessary time to get accustomed to me because at 4+ months, she may be getting particular about who gets to hold her.  Much to my wonderment, she immediately came into my outstretched arms and nestled in like we hadn’t missed a beat.  She is such a love, she is definitely LOVE!!!  I “got” to sway with her, feed her, ease her into a nap and tuck her in for the night.  It did my heart so much good to be needed, to feel as though I had a purpose.  (Blog on that to follow!)

Evi is a twin to Jared’s baby pictures.  And Jared’s resemblance of Jay is uncanny. Genes certainly are a peculiar thing!  She is in the 99% in height and 60% in weight.  Her legs and arms seem to go on forever.  Evi has the most lovely hands with long, slender fingers that along with my long, slender fingers,  she and I intertwined and explored for several minutes during the service.  Perhaps the racy red nail polish held her interest but it was a beautiful thing.  It was the best hand holding I’ve had in a log time.  I wish I had a picture of that as I love hands. (Yet another blog in the future!)  So, I’m thinking, who needs toys!

Before the service began, I held Evi and in the midst of God’s house, I suddenly became overcome with emotion. (I’m sure that’s not a surprising fact!)  I knew that Jay was with us but I wanted a sign.  I wanted to feel his spirit wrapped around me and Evi like I have felt his warmth cross my shoulders in the past.  But, unfortunately, I don’t get to demand signs from the heavens.  It just doesn’t work that way.  I just have to be receptive and grateful for when they come.  Jared picked up on my need for a hug and we embraced with unspoken understanding.

Little Miss Evi was a perfect angel.  The Pastor took her in his arms and as he baptized her with water she did not make a peep.  She wore a beautiful white dress embellished with tulle ruffles throughout the skirt compliments of Tia Maya & Uncle Christian.  Not many of us remember their baptism, however, Jay did.  As an infant he was dedicated at an Assembly of God church but at the age of 23 he was baptized with Christian.

Personality wise, Evi is delightful and very happy.  She smiles a lot and is quite content.  She exudes charm even at such an early age and her face is very expressive.  Evi likes to grab at things like jewelry, clothes and sometimes hair.

Jared and Kelly are terrific parents, sharing equally in those duties. I am so proud of them and elated for the life and love they possess!  Life is good for them.

I can’t wait to see them again in about a month!!!  Here’s to the little things that make life special!

Love, Wanda

Music and Dancing in the Streets!

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Written Aug 17, 2012 2:38pm

Music has always had the utmost significance to me, Jay and our boys.  I have the distinguished honor of having had a song composed for me by Jay entitled “Wanda’s Song”. It is an instrumental and so the words remain unwritten.  At one point, Jared suggested that I give it some lyrics and I have considered it.  However, the title would need to be changed as it would be Jay’s and my song. I must say, it is one of my greatest treasures! As a guitarist, mostly self taught, Jay played out in coffee houses during college with a friend, Nick, who I have never met.

During the college years, Jay had very little extra money (in fact probably safe to say “none”), so he decided we should send audio cassette tapes back and forth as talking on the phone long distance would be expensive.  In going through some items, I rediscovered those tapes.  Yet another one of my greatest treasures!  So, on our wedding anniversary of December 16th, I had a date with my beloved& listened to his voice from so long ago, so young.  When both Jared and Christian asked me what I did that day, I told them I had a date with their father.  The dead silence on the other end of the phone indicated that they probably thought I’d finally lost it!

Anyway, there are three sections of those tapes that stand out and touch me to the core.  One is that he beautifully professes his love and desire for me.  The second is that he has no money and he needs to figure out a way to make money to give me a wonderful life that he feels I deserve.  (Thank you sweetheart, you did an amazing job!)  And the third is a jam session with Nick of “Wanda’s Song”. I also have my song on a CD that Jay & Jared recorded for a Christmas gift to me in 2008.

Jay was never big on dancing in the beginning of our lives together, although a few drinks could be the catalyst to get him moving.  However, as time passed, he became more comfortable in that arena.  I will always remember being at an office Christmas party and it was Jay’s idea to get me out on the dance floor.  The song was “All I Want” by Toad the Wet Sprocket and it will always be in my heart.  Key phrases are “All I want is to feel this way, to be this close, to feel the same, allI want is to feel this way, the evening speaks, I feel it say…”

During Jay’s stay in ICU, my sacred song was “Have a Little Faith in Me” by John Hiatt.  The whole song says it all and it is beautiful but the beginning goes like this:

When the road gets dark, And you can no longer see Just let my love throw a spark, And have a little faith in me And when the tears you cry, Are all you can believe Just give these loving arms a try, And have a little faith in me

After Jay was out of ICU but still in the hospital, I would hear “Windows Are Rolled Down” by Amos Lee as I drove to and from the hospital.  Lyrics that hit me hard are:

Windows are rolled down, sun is setting high

Windows are rolled down, I’m fixing to die.

Windows are rolled down, moon is hanging low

Windows are rolled down, Think it’s time for me to go

The day that Jay passed, I was surrounded by some family and friends.  I had music television on and found my new anthem after hearing “Fill Me Up” by Shawn Colvin.  So this was my plea to Jay & God to give me strength to survive this!  When I think of home, it is synonymous with Jay.

Fill me up, fill me up, I’m a long way from home and I don’t have a lot to say

Fill me up, fill me up, cause you’re all that I’ve got and I’ve traveled a long, long way

Cheer me up, cheer me up, cause I’m all alone and I’m taking it day by day

Cheer me up, cheer me up, cause you’re all that I’ve got and I’ve traveled a long, long way

And I know where you live, I know who you are, so don’t get too close, & don’t go too far

Don’t get too close, and promise me that you’ll never go too far, never go too far

Below are snippets of several songs that provide inspiration for me.

“Someday” by Rob Thomas

You can go, you can start all over again

You could try to find a way to make another day go by

You can hide, hold all your feelings inside

You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out.

Try to put an end to all our doubt

And try to find a way to make things better now that

Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud

We’ll be better off somehow, someday
“One Day You Will” by Lady Antebellum

You feel like you’re falling backwards. Like you’re slippin’ through the cracks

Like no one would even notice If you left this town and never came back You walk outside and all you see is rain. You look inside and all you feel is pain

And you can’t see it now. But down the road the sun is shining

In every cloud there’s a silver lining, Just keep holding on(Just keep holding on)

Finally my playlist concludes with “Guardian”.  I have had many troublesome days but one day was unbelievably difficult ~ I was the most distraught I have ever been.  I went to bed but awoke in the middle of the night with panic and distress.  I decided to turn on the TV and when I turned to the music channel, I heard “All I Want”followed by “Guardian”.  I don’t think the sign could have been any clearer.  So Jay continues to be my guardian and I think I am a full time job for him!

“Guardian” by Alanis Morissette

I’ll be your keeper for life as your guardian

I’ll be your warrior of care your first warden

I’ll be your angel on call, I’ll be on demand

The greatest honor of all, as your guardian.

Music helps me get through the day, through the deafening quiet.  I had the opportunity to make it to Musikfest 5 times and quite frankly, I am currently going through withdrawal!!!  It was an absolute blast and I was blessed with two very special occasions.  Thanks Jan & Greg for treating me to the Huey Lewis/Joe Cocker concert and Kay & Don for treating me to the Goo Goo Dolls concert! Both were awesome!  The wide variety of other artists to choose from was a huge bonus.  I stayed in the South Side where the Steel Stacks are located and parts of the street were blocked off.  So yes, I was “dancing in the streets” with and without a partner! I have found it very therapeutic and a great form of exercise. Over the last several months, I am getting out dancing almost every Friday evening with Linda & Judy, who I refer to as the dancing queens!

Last night, a friend hosted a fundraiser for the Levitt Pavilion.  Great job, Victor, thanks for including me.  It was terrific to see so many people I haven’t seen in a long time and to enjoy the Doo Wop Project.  I had the pleasure of a very special dance with James.  He is a beautiful 6 month old and his delightful parents left me a steal a dance with him.  It was a win for me and win for them.  In the midst of our dance I told them that I have a gorgeous 4 month old granddaughter, just lost my husband in September and this is the best dance I’ve had in a long time!  It did all of our hearts good!  Those experiences are just a small token of what we all need to celebrate in our lives.

Music evokes so much emotion.  I can be crying or rejoicing through song at any given moment but I vow to continue to dance through it all.  I know that’s what Jay would want and expect from me!

Momentum

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I had a perfect evening yesterday filled with good conversation, good wine and just enough food to sustain but not put me in guilt-by-something-fried mode. I was sure I couldn’t eat another restaurant meal but there I was…in a restaurant.

I was with a dear friend who I could sit and talk with for hours, and we did, about everything under the sun.  I love that kind of evening.  An evening that picks up right where it left off as if not a minute had passed.

I am so grateful for those kinds of things, not expensive, not extravagant, not over the top, but filled with details that spark ah ha moments and laughter and ease.  At one point we were talking real life moments and I said something about needing a phrase.  I’m thinking one to stop the dominos from falling and returning the momentum to an unquestionable pace that suits me. It was a passing second but it stuck in my head.  Needing a phrase….

We both believe in momentum, both good and bad, and we both get concerned when momentum picks up speed and can’t be controlled, how does one kick out a few dominos to stop it but then allow it to resume on a clear and constructive level? Deep, I know, but thankfully we have each other to banter these things about.

On the way home, top down because the night had turned glorious, I was thinking it’s truly about the tiny little elements of a day that does it for me; putting the top down, walking in the door and watching the girls come groggily around the corner from the hallway to greet me then taking off back and forth down the length of the apartment.  But what to call it?  How to express it?  It’s gratitude but bigger.

I sleep on it, quite soundly after sharing a bottle of wine and emptying my head of all things burdensome and in the morning there is a text.  My friend received a wonderful piece of mail upon returning home and concluded: “Life is so rich.”

I know like I know.

Something About Chairs

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What is it about chairs at the side of the road that stops me in my tracks?  I had something completely different to post about today and then I saw the four perfectly good, albeit old, chairs outside the dumpster. A little sanding and paint, new fabric on the cushions, remove the caning and replace it with the same fabric as the new seats…I’M OUT OF ROOM IN MY HOUSE or I would rescue them.  It must be something about bulk trash days that brings all the chairs to the curb as I’m driving by from wherever.  These old chairs are right outside my window.  Aggghhh

I didn’t even know I had a fascination with chairs until Sandra pointed out that nearly every framed photo in my home has a chair in it.  And here I thought I was fascinated with gardens and porches….apparently I was in denial.

The more I think about it the more it rings true.  When I left Oak Tree Road to come to Stowe Lane I brought very little with me.  My spoons, of course, my clothes, some kitchen stuff, some other stuff, my Grandmother’s metal top kitchen table and the following: fabulous blue slipper chair, two folding mahogany chairs that belonged to Grandmamma, a wingback in a subtle oriental floral, my father’s wingback, a 1929 rattan for the porch, two rattan arm chairs from the set left behind on Oak Tree Rd, the reproduction swivel desk chair for my office, hhmmmmm.  Oh yeah and the Adirondack chair I rescued from the dumpster by hauling it in the back of a 750LI.

Ok I love chairs.  Maybe it has to do with a funny saying my mother had when we were kids and only half sitting on the kitchen chair at dinner, “Sit right, the rent’s paid.”  Meaning you didn’t have to high tail it for the door if the landlord came knocking.  Maybe I find it comforting, maybe it’s the style, maybe it’s the design, maybe it’s that its individual meant just for your butt.  Who knows?

I put on an all-out search for two additional dining room chairs to complement my four existing chairs.  Notice I didn’t say match the other chairs, I’m not a matchy matchy kind of girl.  But complement it must.  Lend itself to that collected over time, I’ve got a story to tell, I’ve been here for years vibe of my home it must.

I’ll always take note of an interesting chair, can’t pass it up.  I have a Pinterest board called Something about Chairs.  As do many other people on Pinterest, I’m finding out.  The names vary from “For the Love of Chairs” to “Chair Fetish” (also a group on Flickr), “Chairs, Chairs, Chairs”, “Unique Chairs”… you get the picture.  Point is I’m not alone.

So what’s the attraction for all these people? Unframed is a blog of the Los Angeles County Museum of Art intended to create a conversation about the art and artists of LACMA, Los Angeles, and Southern California.  They recently had a blog post entitled, wait for it, “What is it about Chairs?”  I kid you not.  They asked John Kapel why chairs have such allure. “He gave a thoroughly compelling explanation of why chairs are particularly expressive opportunities for a designer.  According to Kapel, a chair is a showpiece, one that is often positioned in a living room such that it can be appreciated from many different angles – unlike, say, a sofa, which typically sits against a wall. He also explained the complex geometry of a chair, its assortment of lines and angles that invite design innovation. And he made the point that, unlike, say, a table, a chair cradles the human body, and reflects our physicality.”  See…it does come down to “sit right, the rent’s paid”.  To read the entire post, http://lacma.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/what-is-it-about-chairs , it has even more interesting chair masters works and conversation.

To me I think there’s always a story.  An object being kicked to the curb when it still has use bothers me. If something belonged to someone special and you can picture them in it or you can feel their energy when you sit in it that becomes amazing to me.  When you can be enveloped in comfort and wonderful fabric then it’s the tactile nature of it that I love.

Then there are all the chair idioms, grab a chair, pull up a chair, nearly fell off my chair, play first chair, play musical chairs, keep you on the edge of your seat, there’s never a bad thing said about chairs. To sum it up there is a magnet on my microwave from Curly Girl Designs (www.curlygirldesigns.com):  A good cook knows it’s not what is on the table that counts but what is in the chairs.  That’s where I live, mismatched chairs and all. I know like I know I just love chairs.

 

 

 

ps. It’s not just me…Nicole found one she loved too.  It resides in her office, just sayin.

I never thought about chairs before – why would I?