My dear friend Wanda has graciously agreed to contribute to Ordinary Legacy as she journeys back to life after losing her, our, dear Jay.  Learn from her, she is wise as a widow can be and getting wiser all the time though she is not ready to admit that quite yet.  As I always say, “Grace, thy name is Wanda”. Lend her your ear and your support, pass her words to those in the same situation so that they too can know they are not alone. For those of you who know like you know please lend your comments and experiences to Wanda’s so that a collective body of healing work can be established. I’ve created a new catagory just for her called Healing Friend.  For those of you who don’t know Wanda’s story I have re-catagorized my chronicling of Jay’s last weeks so that you can get to know them both.  Welcome to Ordinary Legacy Wanda I’m so glad I wore you down my dear.

With Wanda’s permission a repost from her Caring Bridge Journal of July 27, 2012:

Having to OR Getting to?

Several months ago I was presented with an AHA moment thanks to Sylvia, my counselor.  Too many times in our thoughts and conversations we say “we have to do (something)” but if we turn that around and say “we get to do (something)”, think about how that will affect us!

As I reflect on that, I realize that Jay lived his life with the “I get to” attitude more so than the “I have to”.  I often marveled at how well he dealt with his health issues and very rarely would he complain.  In fact, most people would not have known about his kidney transplants by the way he lived every day.

So I have some days when I need to remind myself that I get to…….  Of course, there are times that I feel down (sometimes so down it’s hard to breathe) and feel that life has unfairly handed me a severe blow. But I get to share with people what it is like to go through something as traumatic as losing a loved one, I get to figure out a way to help myself and hopefully others going through this and I also get to enter a contest that shows me how amazing, loving & supportive friends and family can be! By the way, still no news on contest results.

Here’s the thing ~ I get it!  I spend a good deal of time trying to outline in my head, where I get to go from here.  That remains a work in progress!  And most likely, will be for a long time to come.

I get to feel the connection of special moments with friends.  The other day I ran into Tom, who as teenagers Jay was the first to befriend when Tom moved into the area.  Naturally, I got my hug. I then told him it was the last day of the contest and I was nervous, anxious and excited so as he was choosing songs on the jukebox, I asked him to play something for luck.  After enjoying several of his choices, I kept asking him what song he played for me and he said I would know.  Obviously the suspense was killing me.  And then I heard it ~ Emerson, Lake    & Palmer “Lucky Man”!  It was beautiful, perfect and brought tears to my eyes.  Jay was a lucky man even though his life was cut short.  But I am a lucky woman to have had him as my husband, my friend, my soft place to fall, my love!  So thanks, Tom, for that truly special moment!

I get to look forward to this weekend with a celebration of Christian & Maya’s engagement!  Maya has invited me to join in with her dress shopping and I am so honored.  Jared will be visiting as well, although I will miss Kel & Ev.

I’m glad you are “getting to” read this and if what I’ve written gives you a different spin on life that will make me very happy!  I am thankful that I get to call you friend!

Much love, Wanda

Once upon a time a woman decided to start writing a blog….called Ordinary Legacy.

It’s pretty cool.  It’s about the everyday, the ordinary little things and thoughts and feelings that make up a life.  It’s mostly about her life, because that’s what she knows best, but she includes bits and pieces from all her experiences which obviously include other people.  She believes that most lives are ordinary but the residual effects of those lives have the potential to leave an extraordinary legacy.   With me so far?  One of these days she is hoping to retire from the really cool job she has now and expand Ordinary Legacy into a book or seminars or who knows what possibilities there might be.  Still with me?  That would require that people know about it….and are open to it…..and are already talking about it.  That, in the world of what’s happening at this very moment, is called a platform.  She’s writing, because she loves it and has something to say, and to build a platform so people can hear it.  How the hell does one do that?

Well, first by getting people to read the blog.  Third base….

Her people can subscribe to the blog by giving their email address.  How fabulous is that?  You can get the post right there in your mailbox each time she hits publish.  If they like the post they can FORWARD it to their friends and ask them to subscribe. And so on and so on…she can then see on her site stats how many people are following her blog through email.

Then there is the ubiquitous Facebook which many of her fans don’t really get… Just sayin.  If you choose to go to www.ordinarylegacy.com to read the post you will find at the end of every post, I mean every post, never missed one yet:

This will put the link and the picture and the title of the post on YOUR WALL.  Translation; all your 597 friends will see that you are reading Ordinary Legacy.  If you put a comment like, I enjoy reading this really cool blog then maybe they will too…..just sayin.

So every time she posts to her blog, she also shares the post on the Ordinary Legacy Fan page on Facebook.  Have you been there?  When you’re on Facebook just go to search and type in Ordinary Legacy, its the first thing to come up, give it a click and it will take you right there, no problem.  Works every time and if you think the Fan page is cool, you should hit…wait for it…LIKE, which you see below, I’ve already done.

The more people who like the fan page, the bigger her platform begins to grow.  Whew it’s tough this platform building thing.

To make it even tougher, and this is where she loses a lot of her friends.  There is a difference, a big difference, HUGE difference between LIKE and SHARE  on an individual timeline entry.

Stay with me now it’s not really all that hard.  If you LIKE an individual entry (Thanks Liz, you’re the best), that’s really nice and it makes a person feel really good, but no one knows about it, just the person.  It doesn’t go anywhere, it stays right there on the timeline and well it’s nice, really.  No growth, no platform anything.  But it’s nice, really.

However, if you SHARE and put in that same comment; I enjoy reading this really cool blog, then guess what happens?  Your 597 friends will see this on your timeline and maybe, just maybe, take a click over to Ordinary Legacy and subscribe or SHARE with their 257 friends and so on and so on and so on.

From there a platform is born and the potential of Ordinary Legacy grows by leaps and bounds.  Pretty soon the woman can just keep writing and stop worrying about whether or not her retirement from her really cool job will transition into another really cool job blogging about ordinary people leaving extraordinary legacies…like hers.

Notice there is never a mention of what might happen if you think the blog sucks…

She could just live happily ever after, just sayin.

There is no better measure of my worth than people coming through my front door when they are hungry.  Last night was dinner on Stowe Lane, I was cooking.  As it turns out we were all a bit subdued, with the exception of Kathy.  She was chatty and amusing and full of vigor.  We were tired from the day.  It was a delicious farmer’s market meal.  Simply cooked and enjoyed by all.

Tonight was dinner on Stowe Lane because Muriel could not eat chicken and vegetables one more night.

My father used to say the same thing…chicken again?

I was making myself a personal pizza with a delicious pre- made crust, unheard of in Martina’s world, and there they were coming through my door. I love that no one rings my bell, they just walk right in.  My immediate question, “Did you eat?” their answer?

No.

An assembly line is born.  Bring out the sauce, the cheeses both mozzarella and parmigiano reggiano, ricotta, prosciutto, roasted tomatoes with garlic, oregano, mushrooms, and let us begin.

Pour the wine, wait for the oven to do its job and dinner on Stowe Lane is complete.  How do you know, you can smell the garlic and the prosciutto getting crispy on each individual pizza.

Sitting, laughing, a glass of red, cleaning up and they are gone.  But not without leaving behind a house that is happy and smells delicious.

Life on Stowe Lane is very good.

Apparently ice cream is a very personal and passionate subject which I hope to post further on later.  Just for the record, in case you were wondering, just sayin…..