No Decisions Required

I had two interesting conversations today; one out loud and one by email.  Both made me think that I needed to be more explicit about how Ordinary Legacy should be viewed.  This blog is about the everyday, the ordinary little things and thoughts and feelings that make up a life.  Some, ok most of it, will be my life and some of it will be other lives and how they are being lived.  In the end, and there will be an end, all those every day, ordinary little matters will make up an extraordinary legacy.  Do not get in the way of someone building an extraordinary legacy, you could get hurt, you could be stuck living with regret, you could lose the lesson on how ordinary translates to extraordinary, just saying.

My out loud conversation was with a few colleagues that were discussing an elder family member who was on the fringes of Alzheimer’s and wanted ice cream for dinner.  Her caretaker thought it best to argue for her to have dinner and then her ice cream.  Hear me when I say this; in my later years if I want ice cream for dinner, give it to me.  Where is the decision in this, why does it matter if I don’t have a typical dinner?  If I am living in a world of my own and it requires/desires/needs ice cream, really? Do I need to be deprived of it, would I even know if I was being deprived?  Don’t let a simple decision made by a simple mind escalate into a “you should have your vegetables” kind of moment.  Eat the ice cream, life is short, have dessert first…isn’t that how it goes?

The other decisions that need to be made are not nearly that simple.  Near end of life treatments for ailments that will ultimately bring you to the end of your journey; what should they be?  How far should one go?  Who should make those decisions?  Why are those decisions so hard to come to?  Because no one is talking about them until they are looming large.

These are terribly hard conversations but ultimately the most essential for everyone’s comfort and dignity.  We are unusual beings in that we have the ability to see the end of our lives unlike other species.  The good news is we can plan and express our desires to those who love us and will ultimately be responsible for us.  The bad news is that by knowing the end result we tend to lose the moment…big time.   The trick is to have the conversations early and then make the most of all those wonderful moments without the angst.

Here’s what I know like I know; do not argue with me when I say no to all those heroic end of life procedures and treatments.  I will be like every dog I’ve ever had and know that it will be fruitless to subject myself to something that will make everyone else feel better that they “tried everything”.  I will give you the same look that they have all given me…I’m done, I’m tired, I want to enjoy your company and go in peace.  Understand?  No decisions required.

 

Ahhhh

The end of a perfect day, no drama, no email blah blah just good solid work, celebrate Evi’s birthday, help a friend with what could have been a difficult meeting and then dinner on Stowe Ln.

Dinner on Stowe Ln was delicious.  A kale/zucchini/squash/onion stir-fry with noodles and an Asian flair. Don’t remember exactly when dinner on Stowe Ln started.  Probably sometime after Cookie died and we needed to get Kathy out of the house.  What a wonderful weekly ritual we’ve established, especially when Martina cooks, delisioso!  It’s usually just four women eating a wonderful home cooked meal and sharing the stuff of life.  There are many many laughs and sometimes a few frets but all in all a much needed sharing of food, drink and stories.

Then home to my girls.  Tonight was a beautiful night on the deck.  It’s been so hot you couldn’t escape the air conditioning without feeling smothered and soaked after just a minute.  But tonight…a warm but dry night with a bit of a breeze was just perfect.  Pour a glass of red, grab the IPad and out on the deck we go.  Perfect.

 

There are days and then there are days, today was a day.

My mother had cataract surgery this morning and true to form she was amazing. Some people just know how to “do surgery”.  They are preprogramed in such a way that they can quip with the nurses and receptionists so that they become the favorite patient of the week.  She’s had much experience in this area and has honed her skills to a fine point.  True she was running on adrenaline from about four in the morning until the moment I settled her into her recliner with her slippers and her house coat on but just the same she came through with flying colors.  My sister and I got to rise at the crack of dawn, split the responsibility directly down the middle, share a couple of hours over latte catching up and carry on with the rest of the day.

The rest of the day spiraled out of control when the message my computer spit at me said “your mailbox is full”. Can’t be. Something is wrong. Call the help desk….right.  IM a favorite tech….no answer.  Make your tech savvy friend sit next to you at your desk to confirm you’re not crazy…I’m not crazy.  God love her she gets her “it’s ok honey” voice on. Tomorrow’s another day, this is just cars.

Grocery shopping.  How the hell does a family of one spend 80.00 on groceries?  What did I buy?  A rotisserie chicken, oh and yogurt was on sale 10/10.00, and oh yeah frozen dinners were on sale 4/10.00 and oh yeah and oh yeah and oh yeah to the tune of 80.00.  Aghhhh, never go grocery shopping after work when you are hungry.  I know like I know that rule.

Voice mail comes in while I was doing my grocery store shuffle from my best friend Sandra.  She closed on her new house today.  Jingle those keys baby!  She is so happy to be moving along from her near “whatever” in January that her universe just keeps on sending her exactly what she needs to prevent her from winding up with another “Whiteface moment”.  Thank you universe, I need that girl to stick around for a very long time or at least as long as me.  She knows like she knows and I am eternally grateful that Whiteface didn’t win.

All day long (actually all month long) I’ve had another friend on my mind.  She’s got a “situation”.  It’s a neighborhood dispute that went somewhere…wrong…crazy.  And this is the day that is going to decide whether the crazies win or she does.  You don’t need the details, it’s too surreal to discuss, suffice to say there is a courtroom involved and a lot of work leading up to this moment in time.  She worked her ass off, she remembered exactly who she was and wore it like a medal. She sent all the right energy to all the right places and the verdict is…….DISMISSED.   I could not be more proud of her and her strength and integrity.  That one word completed my day with the roller coaster coming to the end of its ride.

Tomorrow, who the hell knows?  See you when I get there.

It Could Have Been the House

Apparently a wicked storm blew through Annapolis on Friday reaking havoc at my friends Ki and George’s place.  This stunning pergola (built by George) is relatively new to their lovely backyard filled with flowers, birdfeeders, birdhouses and a lawn of grass and clover. You know what’s coming…

From Ki’s email:

Our garage is a total loss and my car cannot be driven but is fixable. George’s car only had some dents. BMW is sending me a car to use while mine gets fixed but it has not arrived yet. 

We were without power for three days but people right across the street did not get power back until late Tuesday night. There are still homes here without power.  My wonderful brother came and picked me and my friend Linda and the dogs up on Saturday and took us to his A/C cool house in Oxford, MD! 

It took seven men an entire day with a crane,  giant chain saws and a monster wood chipper to get it removed…. It is still hard for me to look at the back yard since it took out some of my beautiful gardens and our pergola…My bird friends lost a lot of their nest’s!  

This time next week I will be riding in the cool hills of Wyoming with my dearest friend Marty! Then we will plan to rebulid a new garage!! and I can put more gardens in when that is finished…

Always a “silver lining”: It could have been so much worse – it could have been our house and no one was hurt.

What I find most interesting about this chain of events is the conversation Ki and I had when I visited recently.  It was all about what you put out there and your energy and the fact that you merely have to ask for whatever it is you need or want.  It can be a tough idea to digest but Ki is absolutely open to new and healing ideas.  We talked about the vegetable garden not getting enough light because the eco system had changed from a lost tree (I think) in the neighbors yard.  We talked about the garage being full of stuff and they needed to get on that, and what a wonderful potting shed it could be.  We talked about the pergola that was so beautiful but wouldn’t it be nice if it could come a bit further into the yard.

Ki loves her garden and her birds and their wonderful little yard that holds their amazingly simple and loving life together. She put it out there, she got the beginning of her wish.  Silver lining indeed….

 

 

 

 

Hmmmm

 Email to Muriel:

Soooo, I’m getting ready to walk out the door and there’s a car backed into the handicap spot in front of my place.  Guy (mid sixties, not bad looking, don’t say a thing) sitting in there, just looking around, waiting.  He’s flipping though what seems to be a bunch of credit cards.  He picks up his couple of folded newspapers and puts them back on the passenger seat.  He gets on his cell phone.  He cleans his glasses.  Starts the whole thing all over again.  I’m watching all of this for about 10 minutes and it’s just not sitting right.  My mind goes directly to someone’s about to be served (please don’t let it be me), or someone’s being stalked. Not to something more logical like he’s waiting to give someone an estimate on something. But there were plenty of other parking spots why pick the handicap spot. I love the drama.  So yes I did call the police, not 911 but the station, and explained the situation (because even though I aint scared of much the guy was in my personal space if you know what I mean) and they sent a car to check it out.  The police car drove by (I then went to my car) and they will check periodically.  Yes I did lock the door today. Now let’s hear what you think, lol

Email from Muriel:

Funny I saw the same guy and thought it was weird. I thought he might have been a cop….just got back with the dog and the guy is gone. I last saw him @ a little before 9…I almost went up to the car and asked if he needed help with anything. Instead I blatantly took his license plate  #

Email to Muriel:

I blatantly gave the license plate number to the police…I love us…lol

Whenever I think I’m turning into “one of those people” I do a reality check with Muriel.  I can always count on her to tell it like it is.  This little conversation eases my mind about whether or not I’m turning into “one of those people”….I’m not.