I have a collegue and friend who periodically shares his thoughts via email.  I don’t know who is in his distribution list, I consider myself lucky to be one of its members.  He truly understands the concept of ordinary legacy and puts forth his musings on a variety of subjects.  Mostly he works to build his own legacy for his beautiful family through the memories and values his parents left for him.  With his permission, his New Year’s message:

Happy 2011 !

 

When I was a kid my dad worked at B.F. Goodrich Plant 1 in Derby, CT.  He worked on a Banbury Mill treating and pressing raw rubber that ultimately went into an extruded product that ultimately became the window and door moldings on thousands of American cars being produced in Detroit.  During the height of America’s finest years in this business he would work 12 hour days, sometimes double shifts and he and my mom seemed really happy when the crew he was on got called in on Saturdays and sometimes even Sunday.  That was triple-time.  In the very best of years he made ten grand.

 

Most nights when he got out of work he stopped at the River Restaurant for a beer with his buddy, Johnny Duck.  When they were done he would drive John to his house in Ansonia and then come home to us.  I can always remember him sitting at the table reading the New Haven Register when he got home.  We had a big kitchen table that was pink in the center with a black pattern around the entire edge.  It had heavy ornate wrought-iron legs, and the chair legs matched the table but in a miniature size.  The chairs were covered in pink naugahyde and there was a little picture window in the back of each chair with a small wrought iron ivy decoration in the center of each window.  My Mom was always replacing the stick on rubber boots on the chairs so they wouldn’t tear up her kitchen floor.  I often remember my Dad saying out loud that so-and-so had died and he seemed somewhat forelorned.  I’d ask who was Ray Collins Dad?  And he’d answer, “Oh he was a guy that played in Perry Mason”.

 

I’m not exactly sure when the first time was that it happened to me, but I do know that it was after my dad passed away, and there I was sitting at the kitchen table reading the New Haven Register and I said out loud, “Ahh gee, Fred Gwynne died”.   I really don’t remember who the first one was, but Fred died in 1993, and would have definitely made my list.  While he had countless successful roles, to me he would always be Herman Munster or the Judge in My Cousin Vinny.  In any case, every time it happens I think of my dad and realize the reason he looked a little sad was because he was.  He lost an old friend.  Celebrities have that unique ability to entertain and often to make what can be an exhausting life just a little bit more bearable and enjoyable.   

 

At the end of each year I’ve started to look at the list of entertainers, celebrities and noteworthy people that have passed from our lives.  At first it was almost unintentional, but now I seem to make a point of it, and this year the list is a doosey.  Something like 215 entries.  I didn’t select them all, but here’s a bunch that would have probably got me to look up from the kitchen table.  May they all rest in peace and I thank them for the memories –

 

Pernell Roberts  81              

My family spent most Sunday nights with the Cartwrights, including Adam.

Fess Parker  85                    

So long Davey.

Art Linkletter  97                  

Sure he was on TV, but did you know he was Canadian and a major investor in the original Hoola Hoop?

Blake Edwards  88

Leslie Nielsen  84                

And don’t call me Shirley!

Denise Borino-Quinn  46    

Johnny Sack’s wife on the Sopranos

James MacArthur  72          

the “Dano” in Book ‘em Dano!

James Wall  92                     

Mr. Baxter on Captain Kangaroo

Tom Bosley  83                    

Mr. “C”

Barbara Billingsley  94        

Sorry about your Mom Beeve

Tony Curtis  85                    

If you’ve never seen Operation Petticoat with Tony, Cary Grant, Dina Merrill and Directed by Blake Edwards – rent it soon.

Eddie Fisher  82

Glenn Shadix  58                 

Interior Decorator in Beetlejuice

Rue McClanahan  76

Robert Culp  79             

My 4^th Grade Teacher, Mrs. Goldberg, was mortified that Eddie

Wolynec and I were allowed to stay up ‘til 11 PMon Wednesday nights

so we could absorb every detail of the I Spy duo Kelly Robinson (Culp)

and Alexander Scott (Cosby) on NBC.

Gary Coleman  42                

What chu talkin’ about Willis?

Dennis Hopper  74

Lynn Redgrave  67

Dixie Carter  70

John Forsythe  92               

Now he’s really with “Angels”

Peter Graves  83

Merlin Olsen  69

Doug Fieger  57                   

ma ma ma My Sharona lead singer

J.D. Salinger  91                  

His works are forced, and mostly wasted, on 17 year olds.

Jennifer Lyon  37                 

Finished 4^th in the 2005 Survivor Palau.  Reminder that breast cancer still takes beautiful young women.

Johnny Maestro  70            

“Maybe it’s the best thing for you.  But it’s the worst that could happen to me.”

Lena Horne  92

John Wooden  99                

Passed before his “88” record was broken.

Jimmy Dean  81                   

Big Bad John was one of my first 45s.  He made sausages much much later.

Manute Bol  47                     

7’ – 7”, played with Washington Bullets, Warriors, 76ers, and Miami Heat.

Edith Shain  91                    

The actual Nurse being kissed by the sailor in the Times Square V-J Day photo.

Erich Segal  72

Teddy Pendergass  59        

To all those that can’t live without someone’s love….

Steve Landesburg  65

Don Meridith   72                 

Dallas Cowboys Quarterback and Monday Night Football Announcer.  Known for his quotes, in 1970 on a Monday night game vs. the Jets the Cleveland Browns had a receiver with the unfortunate moniker of Fair Hooker.   Really, that was the guy’s name.   Dandy Don stated: “Fair Hooker, that’s a great name, isn’t it? But I haven’t met one yet”.

Jill Clayburgh  66                

Do any of you remember Portnoy’s Complaint?

Sparky Andersen  76           

Cincinnati Reds 2X World Series winning manager

Ernie Harwell 92                   

Voice of Tiger Baseball

Bob Shepperd  99                

Voice of the NY Yankees.  Called 13 World Series and his debut at the original “Stadium” was a 5 – 1 win over the Red Sox.

Bobby Thomson  86            

New York Baseball Giants, launched the shot heard ‘round the world in 1951.

Ralph Houk  90                    

Succeeded Casey Stengel as the Manager of the Yankees 1961 – 1963.  Also spent some time doing something up in Boston.

George Steinbrenner  80     

And you think your Boss is tough.

Maurice Lucas  58               

Played in the “ABA” and then Trail Blazers, Nets, Kincks, Suns, Lakers and SuperSonics.

Bob Guccione  79                

I never bought his magazine for any “articles”.

Edwin Newman  91              

 NBC Newsman

Mitch Miller  99                    

Now we have no one to sing along with.

Art Clokey  88                       

If he never created Gumby where would Eddie Murphy be???

 

I’m sure there was a few on this list that seemed like old friends to you too.  The pause to remember them is good for your soul and hopefully an inspiration to try and do something great yourself this year.  The number of people that each of us affects is most likely less than most celebrities, but we do have an effect none-the-less and at a minimum I hope you find a way to make yourself smile a little bit more in the new year.  Worse case is to always remember Pedenski’s 3 Rules of Life:

1.      Try to Have Fun Every Day

2.      Have Plenty of Life Insurance

3.      Don’t work with A-Holes

 

Best Wishes in the New Year,

 

 

 

Paul A. Pedenski

Thank you Paul, looking forward to hearing more.

There is nothing more reassuring than the smell of sauce simmering on the stove all day.  It speaks to a primal base in everyone.  It tells you that someone cared enough about you to sear the pork until its crusty and golden, mix the meatballs by hand, chop all the vegetables, and use only the freshest ingredients. 

It tells you that even in this fast paced world tradition can endure.  That many hearts and hands have passed along the basics so that you could make your own version to please and pass along to others.

It can stop people in their tracks as they pass your open window and conjure up some memory from childhood.  It can draw people to your home bearing plastic containers just begging to be filled. It can create the most memorable meal some might ever have.

It tells you that you can just come home.

Today was the perfect summer day.  The breeze was blowing just like it did through the two sugar maples that held my father’s hammock when we were kids.  It was warm and dry and smelled like grass.  It was the perfect day to move from one form of doing nothing to another.  Coffee on the deck in the coolness of the morning, listening to the birds and squirrels foraging for breakfast.  Start a new book.  Lunch on the deck.  Laze around the pool, shower and let your hair air dry.  Wine and a light dinner with friends, back to the deck for the evening breezes and a dessert of dark chocolate covered almonds that melted ever so slightly in your hand.  Perfect.

Dear Bobby,

Welcome to your thirties! 

I hope that your thirties prove to be a most interesting time for you.  It’s quite a transition going from the wild, party all night, adolescent, all about me twenties to what can be the most fruitful decade of your life.

The thirties are about cementing who you are in a world that is based in a more mature reality.  It’s about giving up the self centered for the selfless, trading in things for relationships, learning the art of compromise and making your mark in the world.  Beginning to build your legacy.

As you move into your thirties I hope you’ll recognize the importance of family, friends, good work, and relaxing.  I hope that you will find satisfaction in time well spent and you will spend your time well.  I hope that you will always be surrounded by love and that you will endeavor to spread love.  I hope that you will see yourself as others see you and create solid expectations for yourself.  I hope that you will live in service to others and that the reward for that comes back to you many fold. 

If this advice sounds familiar to you, it should.  You have a wonderful example to follow in your father.  He learned long ago and earnestly the value of family, of generosity, of truth and of living life with gusto.  He found a wonderful balance between giving and taking what was being offered in life.  His legacy endures to this day and will continue on through his life and then through his family.

Big shoes to fill, but I would caution you to learn from him and not even try to fill anyone else’s shoes.  You’re unique personality and gifts will serve you well as you mature into the man I know you’ll become.  That said if I can do anything to help you through this wonderful time of life it would be my honor to do so.

With that I wish you a very Happy 30^th Birthday and look forward to proudly watching you become a man of substance and integrity.

Always with love, slc

Memorial Day weekend is the unofficial start of summer and the official opening of our condo’s pool.  Growing up we never had a pool, during my married life we never had a pool, now I live on Stowe Ln and I’ve got a pool along with 400 other people.

I’m not a get to the pool early and get a seat with the appropriate sun positioning kind of girl but there are surely a number of those.  There are a number of families, a number of single women, a number of single moms and certainly a number of kids.

There is a pecking order, there are cliques, and there are interesting interactions.  All of which I truly enjoy watching and noting.  Not least of which is the governing of the mayor of the pool.  I’m sure every public pool has its unelected mayor; I believe my brother-in-law is one, but ours is quite unique.  She is a squat blonde who always has the requisite coffee cup in her hand (it’s yet to be determined if its coffee) a husky smoking-for-years voice who owns the table at the deep end of the pool.  Mind you there is no smoking at the pool but she takes her periodic walks out the gate to grab a puff and greet or look over the new entrants to the pool area depending on their standing with her.   Mind you also that there is no reserving of tables or lounge chairs but you would be hard pressed to find anyone going near the table at the deep end of the pool.  You get the picture. 

The mayor’s club includes a skinny woman with a permanent tan, the requisite coffee cup and a book she never seems to read.  An attention span thing I fear.  She is one of those people that things seem to happen to and she is always seeking advice from the mayor or the guy who knows everything.  He’s the other part of the mayor’s club.  He rides his bike, knows everyone who’s anyone in town and always has advice or a snide quip for the people around him.  Again depending on pool hierarchy, this little group will allow or disallow you to sit at their table at the deep end at will. 

I noticed there is the guy that wants to be the friend of the guy who knows everything.  He tries to make small talk with him but gets the snide quip.  He doesn’t give up until the quips get so targeted that when he mentions that his son looks as if he has the same tall forehead as he does he finally slinks back to the low end of the pool with his son in his arms. Really?  Who is this guy?

You can see that there are future guys that know everything too.  I heard a kid calling after one such future guy, “Hey Alex wait up, Hey Alex wait up.”  Alex didn’t wait up.  There is no more telling look on a kid’s face then the one after you’ve been dissed by the cool kid.  To his credit he shrugged his shoulders and jumped in the pool to start torturing his sister.  She wacked him.  Tough day for that kid.

Then of course there are the beautiful people.  The beautiful boys with tattoos on their pecks and partly, strategically shaved heads admiring the beautiful girls who know like they know they can set the world on fire.  It’s an intricate dance of getting up and getting wet then laying down and drying off flexing all the appropriate muscles while the former beautiful boys are sucking it in and sucking it up. 

The former beautiful boys are mostly the Dads with families that find themselves reacting to the ice cream truck that blares its obnoxious music about every hour.  The theme from The Sting or the Yellow Rose of Texas.  Shut that damn music off, it sets off the same hysteria every time by all the same kids and dads. Really?  Did you forget from an hour ago?  And Dad says yes to the pleas every hour.  Too funny, too sad, too I’ve turned into an auto-Dad.

There is the runner’s clique, the Eastern Block, the single mom’s clique each with their own intrinsic conversations, whether you can understand them or not.  There are the sit at the edge of the pool people, there are the swim a few laps people, there are the people who come in the morning and the people who come in the afternoon and the people who pack a lunch and stay all day. 

Then there is the life guard. He’s the man in charge of it all with the power to launch you from the pool if you don’t follow the rules.  He wants to be one of the beautiful boys but he’s not, he knows it so he is the serious one.  He measures the chemical balance each hour, makes sure you have your pool pass and insures you sign in.  He’s the guy, who with the help of the mayor will insure a pleasant pool experience this summer.  A true God love him….Happy Memorial Day