The But List

Posted on March 14, 2016 by Sandi LoConti

But is one of those words that annoys me. I know…among some of the other things annoying me this morning. It’s one of those words that wakes up the universe and tells it to do an about face. That can be a good thing like “I want my god damn hour back but I’m sure I’ll figure out how to do without it beautifully.” Did you hear that universe, a little help would be good on that one. Or someone who says I got my bonus but it was less than last year because of that shitty boss of mine. You say you’re grateful but not so much. That kind of but will bite you in the butt, the universe heard you you know…just sayin.

Here’s a list of my favorite but quotes cause that’s really all I got today without that very precious hour that they took away from me yesterday. Working on it…but it might take a minute or two (listening universe???).

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. Confucius

Correction does much, but encouragement does more. Von Goethe

Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy

Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different? C.S. Lewis

You’re mad. Bonkers. Off your head…but I’ll tell you a secret…All of the best people are. Alice in Wonderland

Forgive your enemies but never forget their names. John F. Kennedy

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Proverbs 29:11

Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love. Buddha

Yesterday is but todays’ memory and tomorrow is today’s dream. Khalil Gibran

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates

Be quick, but don’t hurry. John Wooden

Many people die at 25 but aren’t buried until they are 75. Benjamin Franklin

At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life. Unknown

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced. Soren Kierkgaard

I’m a kind person, I’m kind to everyone, but if you are unkind to me then kindness is not what you’ll remember me for. Al Capone

No one saves us but ourselves. Buddha

The voyage of discovery is not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes. Marcel Proust

We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at the goal. Martin Luther King Jr.

And there you have it the universe listening in both directions, for the good and for the lightning bolt moment. It’s a tiny word that bridges your intention so make sure you know your intention before you utter it.

Find though she be but little, she is fierce. Shakespeare.

The Long Way Home

Posted on March 7, 2016 by Sandi LoConti

Must have passed the entrance to this forest a hundred times without ever giving it a second thought. To be clear I’m not a forest person unless, of course, it’s enchanted then I’m all in. But on a cold early Saturday morning with the sun shining down like it was already spring we just couldn’t resist.

Well, I couldn’t resist, Toti Nonna wasn’t all that crazy about the idea…at first. The ground was still hard from the winter but it had a bit of give under our feet where the grasses were beginning to thaw. There were felled trees to climb over and the smell was earthy like when you first turn over a garden. Toti explored with her nose to the ground looking up only to find herself standing on a log. She figured out that leaping over logs was much more fun than standing on them.

The sun looked like fans cutting through the trees. It reminded me of driving home from visiting himself after his accident at that certain time each day when the rays of the sun spread out like a fan. I used to call that God coming to earth.

We came to a stream that cut across the path, Toti leaped over first and thankfully there was a rock I could use to get a bit closer to the other side before my “leap”. The distance to the other end of this tiny forest wasn’t more than three quarters of a mile and breaking out onto the grass of one of the large businesses was a little deflating. But for that grand total of twenty minutes we were two old girls exploring nature.

For Your Eyes Only

Posted on March 6, 2016 by Sandi LoConti

Everybody’s got a thing. You know, that thing that is so tightly wrapped and tucked away in the corner of your self-protecting part of the brain. It peeks out once in a while only to be tut-tutted back where it belongs far from the earshot of the logical thinking part of the brain.

As part of Brave Blogging, I had the privilege of listening to an interview conducted by Andrea Scher with her writing teacher/mentor/friend Laurie Wagner. Aside from the easy talking with my friend while she’s waiting for her flight style it was full of writing tips, gems and an assignment: The blog post no one will ever read. Wild write it, just go, pen to paper, no holds barred. No right or wrong, no is it good enough, just truth, this is how it is.

I listened to the interview several days ago and I knew it started to grow in me when I began waking up at 4 o’clock in the morning head spinning with pen in hand and notes strewn all over the bed. It became the perfect storm when the interview combined with a very matter of fact statement I heard from someone recently, they said, “I knew everything had changed”. I knew what I had to write, I knew I would fill a legal pad with several decades of heart wrenching examples of exactly how that one thing changed everything.

It’s easy to be brave at 4, 5, 6 in the morning, it is exhausting, and it is exhilarating to find and go to your edges. However, what you begin to realize is that at your edge lies the edge of someone else. If we are all connected then this must be so. It was all true, every word, and the truth indeed sets you free but I couldn’t find it in my heart to impact another with my truth even if they’d never know it. I wouldn’t take that chance.

Part of the interview addressed, “when it’s not your story to tell”. This isn’t someone else’s story, its’ mine but I’ve gained enough from just writing it, the need to publish it seems overkill or someone else’s spirit kill, or negating the good work of simply taking it out of its protective covering, showing it the light albeit 4am lamp light, and NOT putting it back.

My favorite sentiment from this interview, “…the way you walk through the world is the way you walk through the page…” Thank you Laurie I will carry this with me always, it smacks of building an ordinary legacy.

I encourage everyone to try this, writer or not, for your eyes only. Find a spot, a pad, a journal, construction paper it doesn’t matter. Your favorite pen, crayons, marker just NOT your computer. Let those new connections that are created in the brain run wild from you taking pen to paper. Just go, get out of your way, unpack that thing or one of those things that you’ve so securely tucked away and have at it. You may find your aches and pains subside, your anxiety abates (I spent 4 hours in a meeting at the National office, which I swore I would never do again, without a bit of anxiety), if nothing else you will feel lighter.

I ritualized this for myself by rolling it up and throwing it in the fire the following evening. Watching it spark up the flue doesn’t mean it didn’t happen it simply means I unpacked and let it go. Doesn’t mean I won’t remember it from time to time either, I’m sure I will. There is a saying, you don’t see things as they are, you see things as YOU are (Anais Nin). Surely this will make all the difference.

Suffice to say no one will ever see that post but the sentiments, lessons learned, truth of it and feelings about it may very well become fodder for the blog. My edges will be grist for the mill, my experience a resource and my integrity in letting it go part of my ordinary legacy. I am better for having done this…

Connotations

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Sandi LoConti

I am participating in thirty days of Brave Blogging with Andrea Scher and, oh, a couple of dozen other bloggers this month. Ordinary Legacy is getting a shake up and you’re invited. I’m not even sure of what’s going to happen and isn’t that fabulous?

Our first prompt is one that is oh so interesting but…when the 25 Random Things About Me got put out there I got put out, or should I say I got all balled up. Because, in all the years that you’ve been reading this blog I found it hard to come up with anything random about me that you don’t already know, I have random-ed you to death.

So instead I’m going with twenty five of the things I say most often, Sandi-isms. For those of you bursting in my door at any given time you know these aren’t random they’re just what I say. But now, for the first time, you’re getting the down and dirty what does she really mean when she says…

Fabulous– My most common answer to how are you is fabulous. It’s hysterical to me that people respond by saying really? As if I couldn’t possibly be fabulous. Or, oh sure, me too with sarcasm dripping from their tongue. This reply comes from my dear friend Cookie who could make it sound like either one of those and several others that really can’t be discussed here, but I just say fabulous because mostly that’s how I am. Not everyone believes me but ok.
Couldn’t be better– A not so common answer to how are you that really means couldn’t be better. I have good health, a wonderful family, friends, job, home, and life. I’m telling you I couldn’t be better.
I’m all balled up– Suffice to say on those rare occasions when everything is upside down, I’m off schedule, not feeling well or any combination of the these, I’m all balled up. I don’t like to elaborate because I feel like the more I bitch, the more I’ll get to bitch about. I don’t think the universe understands all balled up so it keeps me out of trouble.
What’d ya hear? – This one gets me in trouble sometimes when I really want to say how are you? Gets me in trouble because people actually tell me…mostly its gossip I really don’t want to hear but I asked.
See you when I see you– I don’t say goodbye. I just don’t say goodbye.
Who loves you more than me? This started with all the kids when they were little. I don’t have children but I’ve got nieces and nephews and beautiful strays. I say it to everyone now and they all have the right answer: nobody!
Puttering– My most common answer to what are you doing. This is my FAVORITE thing to do.
Just sayin– My “told you so” just sayin.
Chickapeeps– My favorite way to call any dog, no matter what their name is, and it works. Inflection is my friend…
Gramma’s– In answer to that look on Toti Nonna’s (my so ugly she’s adorable terrier mix) face when I’m gathering stuff on Sunday morning. Where are we going that look says, GRAMMA’s. When it comes to dogs inflection is definitely my friend.
Because I said so that’s why– In answer to that look on Toti Nonna’s face when I’m standing at the front door holding her rain coat. She’s not a fan…
Komen ze bitte– I work with Germans. Come please. Nough said. This was once reserved for the dogs but now I just use it on, I mean with, everyone.
Come come come– This is the follow-up to Komen ze bitte if no one comes fast enough. Again, mostly dogs but well now you know.
Whew– my answer to any rant I didn’t expect, didn’t need to hear, TMI, like that.
Because???– My answer to, you have to……….whatever. If it sounds like a demand I’m questioning right out of the shoot. I don’t do well with demands, former life leftover issues I’m sure.
Come and eat– My favorite invitation to everyone. Nothing makes me happier than to cook for people and have them around my table sharing stories, laughing, filling my house with soul.
So blah blah blah, yes? There are some people who simply can’t answer a question. So I help them by giving them the answer I usually want at the end. They usually say…yes. Done.
Get a hold of yourself– In answer to some ridiculous request, the second part is – and don’t let go.
Can’t help myself– When I say something completely honest with such vigor, I surprise even myself. Sometimes the words just come out, you might be gathering that from this…just sayin.
I have no words…because it’s better than saying all the words I really do have.
Seriously?-nough said.
Let me see if I have this right? I get a lot of ridiculous requests, I need several rebuttals.
Wow– A really lot of ridiculous requests.
That’s what I’m sayin– Somehow I just can’t say I agree. This just works better for me.
They should live and be well– And last but definitely not least the phrase that is saving my Karmic equity on an almost daily basis. For those people who have done me wrong, hurt me or my people, run their mouth with nonsense I say they should live and be well. In my head this translates to…wait for it…they’re DEAD to me. Universe handled, karma intact.

And there you have it, Sandi-isms revealed…so we have an even playing field going forward leave me a few of yours in the comments. Stay tuned.

YOLO

Posted on February 28, 2016 by Sandi LoConti

Why did I think this sad excuse for bad behavior died? Are we continuing to follow the fist pumping Bieberish outliers that are still using what could be a call to live life to the fullest in their antics? Are we? Are we still allowing the media to continue giving the Millennials a bad name by highlighting the “no regrets” madness of the few? Are we?

You only live once, YOLO, simply isn’t true. I’ve lived at least four lifetimes already in my sixty years and each life change was spurred on by a regret. As Joan Didion puts it, I’ve let go of several people I used to be. The thing about each regret is it wasn’t realized at the time of the occurrence. It is with hind sight, always 20/20, that I could see the regret clearly but somehow I made the life change at the time anyway. I find that fascinating.

How will people be able to realize these life changes if they assign the concept of YOLO in such extremes? I worry that a generation may be lost to not embracing the power of making a mistake and learning from it. That their quest for overindulgences and momentary rash decisions will bring them to an early grave. That there might not be any mindfulness to their decisions and that their only legacy will be their sudden demise. I’ve been thinking about this all week.

And then I realize the media is undeniably at work here. Portraits of the crazy younger generations sells advertising, God knows we did. But as I look around at the young people I know, my trust is restored. For instance a young man I know is just beginning to realize he needs an adventure, not the drive on the edge of a cliff kind of adventure but a change. He’s realizing, in advance, that if he doesn’t follow his heart and seek out those things that give him joy he might never have the opportunity again, he wants no regrets. So in some sense he’s planning but at the same time remaining open to possibility. He’s exploring but remaining cognizant of the effects his decision will have on his family. He’s not struggling with the fact that his family might be hurt or disappointed but mindful that it might happen and prepared to address it. He gets the carpe diem spirit of you only live once.

These are the members of the Millennial generation that need to be celebrated and highlighted. For all their faults and all their perceived entitlements we may have some culpability here; we left them quite a mess to contend with. For all we know most of them, are planning adventures and creating alternate lifestyles that will change the world just as we Boomers did. I think we just need to ask them.

The more I open my mind to them the more I see them as a generation of alternatives. These are the people foregoing the big fancy weddings and concentrating on the marriage, these are the people coming into and helping to revive the cities. Forcing changes to old housing standards like the McMansion. These are the minimalists. These are the people that might just put the automotive business in a tizzy.

I still believe that YOLO in its pop culture manifestation threatens to send life down the drain but my faith in those truly trying to live without regrets will continue to be restored by those simply living their lives the way they want their story told. My kind of people.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: