Be That Person

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How you make people feel about themselves says an awful lot about you. No one knows who’s quote this is but I figure if I say it enough eventually it will be attributed to me. No? Ok but I can live it. It’s the number one way to create your legacy. Be that person.

You can be that person in any number of ways to any number of people or groups of people. But how will you know if, let me rephrase, when you’ve become that person? Oh you’ll know…

I had the distinct honor of attending a Sales Manager’s function this week and it became perfectly clear after the many hugs and kisses and stories that I had become that person. Define “that” in whatever way you choose.   For some I was helpful, for some I was fair, for some I was a pain in the ass. One of the manager’s began telling the story of our first encounter when after the third email I may have said something along the lines of “I’m really not the person you want to be strong arming”. The collective gasp was not because I may have said that but because this manager got me there. And the stories began to emerge about the time she…. Don’t worry they were all happy endings, I think. If nothing else they were hysterical.

I’ve had the great fortune to be doing what I do for many years and so I’ve become part of the vernacular and part of the day to day. I’m that person you call when…If anyone will know…Let’s start with… I know almost everyone and if I don’t know them they know me, how cool is that?

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While circulating with the crowd, if there is someone new, I introduce them to someone old. If they’ve just arrived I herd them over to their Area Manager.  I ask about their family and their business and their sales people. One of the descriptions went something like the high school chaperone making sure everyone mingled. Just love that.

When you go to work each day the temptation to just do what you need to do and get up and do it again, as Jackson Browne said, isn’t my style. For whatever reason, boredom sets in easily for me, I see things that need to be fixed, and I’m a big picture person. These are things that don’t easily fit into a performance review. Samuel A Culbert wrote recently in the Wall Street Journal, “To my way of thinking, a one-sided-accountable, boss-administered review is little more than a dysfunctional pretense. It’s a negative corporate performance, an obstacle to straight talk relationships, and a prime cause of low morale at work.” If you know me you know like you know I’m a straight talk kind of a woman. Further, I may have mentioned once or twice that a former boss of mine once described me as having the ability to slap you so hard you think you got a kiss. That about sums it up.

Though these things may not be performance review worthy they are genuinely part of my work routine. If one could measure their work in the number of hugs received at these events then one would be sure to get a very nice raise. Instead I get respect and that Cinderella feeling of being the Belle of the Ball. I am grateful to work with these people; they are a unique bunch with their feet firmly planted on the ground and a work ethic that has completely annihilated the stereotype of car sales manager. I am especially grateful to the individual who went to each and every bar in the hotel and adjoining club until he found a Dubonet for me. Zeke you are my hero.

And I’m not talking about just the men. You’re aware this is still a male centric business right? The women sales managers are cut from a very similar cloth as I am; the slap-them-so-hard cloth. The straight talking, pragmatic, we’ve got our own way of doing things thank you very much cloth. Car Hags one and all and I say that with the utmost respect and admiration being one of the original Car Hags.

In reflecting on this event it occurred to me that my mentor taught me most of what I know about this business and its people. He is no longer with us but the respect paid him at the end of his life was out the door and around the building if you know what I mean. He was “that person”; I can only hope to follow so completely in his footsteps.

 

 

 

Good Company

 

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My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.

Jane Austen (1775 – 1817), Persuasion, 1818

If you’ve got to be in the car for anything over five hours it helps to have a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train…just sayin.  When the day is done and your meetings went very well and you’re ready to kick back it’s especially nice to do it in good company.  That usually means someone who can just welcome you and live in plan B for a tiny period of time.  Someone who can take time out of their own routine to insure your visit is delightful, I call that a good friend.

A really good friend will walk with you to get the blood circulating again, hand you a glass of wine and just wait for the exhale.  Walk a bit more to eat with you in a fabulous restaurant exploring the menu and taking a chance on something that might not be familiar.  Lingering over the meal and the wine/martinis and catching up on all that we may have missed over the last few years that life has gotten in the way of seeing each other more often.  It’s a rich conversation, a funny conversation, a smart and poignant conversation that seems like we’ve never missed a beat. How I love a good conversation that defies the boundaries of time.

Continue on to something sweet at the bar, of course, and laughs and giggles with the bartender, when was the last time I remember doing that? Jeez.  Still not tired still chatting still laughing, thoughtful moments with tears on the brink but never spilling over; this is a true catch up.

The next morning explore the city from a native’s perspective finding more and more in common among the people we meet and each other.  Camera in hand, capturing our time together, even on a no makeup Friday, enjoying the glorious weather and the history that is Old City Philly we promise to keep in better touch.  This was too much fun not to.

There are people that come into your life and immediately make themselves indispensable, who understand that legacy means living your life the way you want your story told. It is a rare and precious gift to have people like this and to make sure you don’t lose them to anything as silly as the passage of time is imperative.

Happy Birthday Bethie, you know I wish you enough.

Luncheonette

 

Strange what brings these past things so vividly back to us sometimes…..Harriet Beecher Stowe

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I recently had the pleasure of dining with a colleague and fellow car hag at a little place called the Bread Crumb. The Bread Crumb is a luncheonette. I love that word, luncheonette, it is incredibly nostalgic as was this gem of a place. It serves breakfast and lunch, that’s it.  The décor is pretty much the same as it’s always been, booths on one side, a few tables scattered along the other side and middle. The wall paper must have been impeccably hung as it appears to be a decades old design. The menu is limited and old fashioned in a way that makes you believe you are back in your hometown in your teens.

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The woman I was lunching with is one of those people I always knew I would enjoy. Her sense of humor is quick, her work ethic is awesome, she’s got a story like most of us and I could have chatted with her for hours. Unfortunately the Bread Crumb closes at 1:30pm but the keys go in the door at 1:15pm. You will get shooed along if you’ve not finished your lunch which is usually where I find myself as a notoriously slow eater.

I was told the Bread Crumb makes the best chicken salad but my go to was always the BLT. While enjoying my BLT I couldn’t help but think of the places the Bread Crumb reminded me of, Luhmann’s Ice Cream Parlor with its narrow back hall up the stairs to the parking lot. The Woolworth’s lunch counter where many a cherry coke and fries were consumed after school. And of course, Dan’s Deli a block from the High School that made the best home fries ever, served in a paper coffee cup to go.

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It was clear that the clientele at the Bread Crumb was older. Where else could one get a wink from an older gentleman in a bow tie. Who else but me would brazenly wink back? There is a sadness in the fact that this clientele might be the last to frequent the luncheonette. There is nothing fancy, nothing modern to offer the younger generations. Even more sad is the fact that this type of neighborhood establishment was already a dying entity as witnessed by the long ago closed establishments I was so nostalgic about. Only Dan’s Deli will remain as long as the high school does.

Regardless of its fate, I love that this little hole in the wall in a strip mall is staying true to their roots, serving a simply decent meal at a fair price to a regular clientele and a few strangers accompanied by a local. They work hard, are courteous and out by 1:45pm, the latest.

 

The Art of Selective Celebration

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Once upon a time a long time ago I lived in the land of obligation, see and be seen and just show your face.  Mercifully, I don’t live there anymore and can practice the art of selective celebration.

Begin with a catchup with dear Franny, then a funny, loving, and confirming dinner with my beloved Cookie Club, on to lunch the next day with the Rileys where we proceeded to leave our joyful mark on Davey’s.  Sunday with my friend Linda to celebrate food, friendship, and I let her lament for a minute. Oy, just for a minute and she’s back to her funny, warm and grounded self.

The best way to celebrate on your own terms is to throw a party, enter the 2nd Annual Car Hag Lunch. Car Hag; a term of endearment originating from a man in the car business who was generous with his knowledge, respectful of the strong women he worked with and supportive of their fight for equal ground.

These are not the politically savvy women but those women behind the scenes that know how to get it done.  They are part of the underground network of women who know like they know, the ones who, too, can slap you so hard you think you got a kiss, who tell it straight up, no frills or fuss, the ones you’ll always ask first.  Car Hag is not derogatory, if you don’t like the name you probably aren’t one.

What a delight to have them on Stowe Lane.  Oh the stories they could tell, and tell they did but like Vegas, what happens on Stowe Lane stays on Stowe Lane.  We will do this again and again, though we’ll need better scheduling next time bearing in mind, forecasts, days off, month end, and on and on in the land of automotive.

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Christmas Eve with my best friend, Sandra, and her family.  I am honored to be with them each year, to watch them grow, to share in the food prep, to ground her from the inevitable mother daughter button pushing, to exhale and know that I am completely loved and exactly where I’m supposed to be.

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Christmas morning with my Mother and Sister and the traditions that go with the many years of sharing Christmas morning together.  Breakfast, gifts, coffee, all tweaked a bit over the years but still basically intact.

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On to my adopted sister, Evi, and her family for a visit and to drop off Walter’s fruit cake…stop it, this one is good, and I made it.  It’s not your usual fruit cake but light and fresh and delicious.  He eats it all himself.  Fabulous.  Catch up with the kids, unavoidably leaving with some of their germy germs, which I am unable to fight off.  I don’t have any kid immunity but oh how I love them to bits.

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Next stop Cookie’s for kisses and a flyby drop off of the Italian cookies and back to Stowe Lane I go.

One of the best ways I know to celebrate is with my camera.  Clicking my way through the season so that once I’m back on Stowe Lane I can savor each moment.  And that’s my gift to me.  I call myself an accidental photographer firmly believing that if you shoot enough and make yourself just short of a nuisance you can capture the moments that make celebrations special.  Those ordinary moments that can be relished for years to come.  My technical ability would certainly be called into question by any self-respecting photographer but I no longer care about technical excellence.  I care about the moments and the memories and the surprises that come out of my camera each time I download, things even I didn’t realize I captured come to life in front of me.  Let’s see, ordinary moments in time captured with loving surprises included.  Yeah, that’s my idea of selective end to end action and a wonderful celebration.