It’s been an interesting week, one filled with quotes and quips about arguing of all things.  I’m no longer an arguer; I actually think I may have learned a thing or two about NOT arguing.  As tempted as I may be to insert my wisdom, you know the kind that comes from having screwed up so many times and made so many mistakes you can call yourself wise just by virtue of having tipped the experience scale in the not much left to screw up category, I’m trying not to.

For a while now I’ve been using the word, O-K said in the most upbeat bordering on sing songy way to get out of an argument but this week I noticed:

Come on, this is brilliant.  Of course you don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to you can actually NOT TAKE THE BAIT.  It’s true.  Even if it’s your hot button issue you can choose not to argue.

I’ve given up arguing with both children, cats and dogs.  I pretty much treat them the same way, catch them doing something good, don’t reward bad behavior and be the pack leader.  Toto and I have been figuring out life without Lina and I will say something like, come on Toti let’s go.  Nothing.  She doesn’t move, she gives me the raised eyebrows, which are adorable and incredibly tempting to fall for, but doesn’t move.  O-K and I walk away, to the kitchen, get the leash and wait.  Well look who it is; ready to go for a walk. Yep, sitting right in front of me waiting for the signal.  Just sayin.

Several weeks ago my mother asked if I would pick her up a bottle of Amaretto.  O-K not a problem.  I brought it to her one Sunday when we all got together for breakfast; you see where this is going… We had coffee and breakfast and up she went to get a particular cordial glass and poured herself a glass of Amaretto.  My sister and I looked at each other and thought the same thing.  We’re not going to argue the merits of this, at 84 years old you can do whatever the hell you want.  I plan on it myself. By the way, the bottle and the glass remain on the table.

I have a friend who gets so frustrated by not getting the assistance around the house she craves from her family.  We have the same discussion every single time; it’s no longer an argument because it’s crossed over into something else.  The definition of insanity and we laugh about it now.  The discussion goes something like; there are over three hundred ways to do the dishes why does it have to be your way?  They are helping, who the hell cares if they stack them different, they’re not breaking them and they are clean. Just sayin you either let them do it their way or shut the hell up, no?

I was there, I did that, I have a system (for almost everything) so when I’m in the zone no one will ask if they can help but I don’t want them to ask.  I don’t lament that they don’t ask because I know I’m a pain in the ass.  I’ve learned not to argue with reality.

Last but not least if I want someone’s opinion I will definitely ask for it.  I will ask my most trusted, the people who care for me and know me better than anyone else.  I will not trust my vulnerability to just anyone.  It keeps me out of arguments with others, and myself because I can chat it up in my head pretty good, based on your “shoulds”.  Yeah, no thanks.  So if you’re offering and I’m respectfully declining, you should take the hint.  O-K.  I tend to agree with Keshia Knight Pulliam when she says, “I’d rather laugh – not fuss and fight…you just need to say, “you’re real cool but you’re not for me”

Perfect.