Someone tell me how a doggy poop disposal bag that you got at the Vet’s office can puncture as you’re picking up the poop.  SOMEONE EXPLAIN THAT TO ME.  You would think that the Vet would buy a ply count that would prevent a finger from going through.  I know you’re groaning right now, but imagine me getting all screamy and ranty on my way back from the afternoon constitutional.  Just saying.

And while I’m at it the same goes for Petco.  Are you kidding me with the thinnest bags in the world?  You would think that a pet store would have the common decency to also provide bags that would be conducive to poop pickup.  Think of the free advertising they would get as people were carrying the puffy bags around the neighborhood on their way to the dumpster.  Come on.

I’m one of those people who buy doggy disposal bags by the roll.  They fit easily in my pocket and I don’t look like a lumpy ass mess as I’m doing the loop.  I get that the plastic bags from the grocery store are free and that you’re actually recycling as you use them for the dirty mess but the bulges it adds to my pockets and therefore my hips are just too much for me to tolerate.  Besides, I’ve gotten used to using the cloth bags for groceries so I’m doing my part to save the earth.

Speaking of saving the earth, did you know that they believe that dog poop takes up about 5% of the landfills?  Holy bursting bags Batman. What did you expect; there are 68 million dogs in this country mostly over 40 lbs each.   What the hell are you supposed to do then?  Flush?  Well, yeah.  Don’t ask how I had this epiphany it was one of those aren’t you the dumbest woman on earth moments.  They actually make flushable bags, I’m sure I’ve lost some of my readers at this point but it’s true.  Made by….wait for it….Flush Doggy.

Yeah I bought them.  And frankly, I only use them when I pop the girls out back in our “yard”.  It’s behind the building, they’re on extending leashes, they run back and forth, and they are enjoying the freedom of not having to be glued to my side. We have some fun.  So when they do what they do in the main walkway (if they trek into the enchanted forest you can be sure I am not trekking in behind them),  I let them continue to play until they’ve had enough.  I pop them back in the house and go get the results.  I grab a flush doggy, pick up, and bring in the bathroom and flush.  Done.  Oh stop rolling your eyes.  Al Gore loves the idea.

It’s one of the drawbacks of dog ownership, especially larger dog ownership.  I used to think the girls were medium dogs but somehow they got taller and wider and, well, better at eliminating the excess non-nutrients.   I once had a friend that swore by a certain dog food because his dog had the smallest packages when he ate that brand.  Claims there was minimal waste and that the dog had extremely well balanced nutrition.  Yeah ok, want to know what it cost….just sayin.

I didn’t really intend to do a rant on the intricacies of elimination frustration but I know like I know that there is NOTHING worse than thinking you’re going to get a few afternoon miles in just to have to turn around and run for the soap, and water, and disinfectant and hand sanitizer.  You know you’ve been there, so glad I could articulate on your behalf.

Done ranting…for now.