I Know Like I Know 2015

Posted on December 29, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

Wisdom comes from anything that has ever healed in your life. The intensity and number of those things varies throughout your life. I’ve often quoted Zora Neale Hurston’s view of some years ask the questions and some years answer them. With the years that answer comes the healing and the wisdom. With what could have become a downward spiral came the answers this year.

We lost our Lina to a nasty cancer that moved quickly and thoroughly allowing only enough time for us to realize that this little girl who suffered so terribly from anxiety her whole life could indeed be brave. Her sister showed us how to heal in the most basic way, forget yourself and give your love to someone else, her Gramma. This is the love affair that saved us all.

I had the pleasure of being a part of two very different stories this year. Spending time with Ida and learning how to make ravioli in her company along with her family will stay with me forever. Food traditions are a recurring theme on this blog, and so important to the development of individual and family legacies. Documenting them is becoming more and more imperative so they are not lost.

Along those lines I had the privilege of reading and sharing a wonderful story about my friend Bill’s father. He had documented his feelings about the world and his place in it when Bill was just a year old. In retrospect he set about embracing and living up to his story in big and small ways. What a treasure to preserve for generations to come.

Story preservation kept ringing in my ears, these lessons taught unwittingly with integrity and honesty are invaluable. From the tiniest gestures, to the unique talents, to the surprises and family folklore and secrets our elders are an untapped resource that I fear will be lost. And so the Elder Beauty Project started to take shape. This coming year I hope you’ll give some thought to highlighting someone in your life and contact this story preservationist to assist.

Through some serendipitous clicking around the internet my sister and I found ourselves on a mountain in Ludlow VT. More than once after our return we’ve found ourselves saying it’s the best thing we’ve ever done. Green Mountain at Fox Run provided hope among the birch with lessons on Food, Movement and Mindfulness. Most importantly they provided a very safe place to make it your intention to let go of something that no longer serves you. And that we did.

For me it was letting go of my story. The one I’ve been carrying around for decades, the one that wasn’t mine to carry around, and the one that I feared would become my legacy. The most courageous thing that I have done to date is write my story, and the story of ordinary legacy, and submit it to Women for One for consideration as one of their Truthtellers. Happily, gratefully, humbly they accepted and published my story, I am now a Truthteller. That my story may somehow help someone else in a similar situation is of great comfort to me but the healing has been of even greater solace. With healing comes the wisdom.

I was also nominated for a blogger recognition award. I don’t know if there is an actual award or if someone simply thought highly enough of my work to give it recognition through sharing but I am grateful to Maria Baird of Manifesting Me none the less.

This is the first year in many decades that I’ve had my picture taken and shared so often. Frankly I’ve had my picture taken more this year than in the last ten years. I’ve spent an eternity behind the camera but never in front. It became clear to me through all this good work that if your intention is to leave a legacy they may as well know what you look like, no? Now I’d love to find someone who can really capture who I really am on film, stay tuned.

The year was filled with friends, old, new and new/old.

Not least among them was Wanda. She shared her beautiful Cape home, her sorrows and her joys with me as if we’d just hung up from each other last week. It is a wonderful gift to connect with someone so quickly with complete trust. I look forward to sharing all that is the story of us in the coming years.

I finally found Instagram. Seriously, I started a 365 in November and am enjoying the hell out of it. You can find me on Instagram @ordinarylegacy or you can follow the hashtag #lifeonstowelane. I know you’re shocked by both of those. There is that moment when you realize that a hashtag of your own is cool but other common hashtags can connect you to others and some very funny or poignant stories and oh yeah it can connect people to you…#wetdog is a favorite as is #fromwhereistand. Took me awhile but this old dog learned a new trick, just sayin.

And so this was the year of wisdom through healing. Watching my mother, aka Gramma, with Toti Nonna has made me realize all we ever really need is a loving connection. Watching my sister let go of the grief that no longer serves her has brought laughter and ease and renewal. Watching others heal through my words has brought gratitude and responsibility. Healing has brought me wisdom. I look forward, like never before, to the coming year, the coming decade and the continued wisdom it will bring. I hope you will continue to honor me with your presence on Ordinary Legacy and join me in preserving even more stories through the Elder Beauty Project. Stay tuned to find out what’s happening on Stowe Lane…

The Pleasure of Business

Posted on March 1, 2015 by Sandi LoConti

…The dealings of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!” Charles Dickens

There comes a certain point in your career that you realize it’s just…for me it’s cars for you it might be banking or retail or something other than what should be most important in your life. One of the biggest regrets of the dying is the fact that they put business ahead of everything else. They were Ebenezer Scrooged…I won’t ever have that problem. When I travel for business I make sure that I have friends or family in the vicinity, I plan ahead so that I can spend time with them not at a laptop in a hotel room eating room service each night although room service and a hot bath aren’t entirely out of the question.

This week I had the pleasure of traveling to Atlanta on business. I came in just a bit early so that I could introduce myself to my newest old friend. I didn’t realize she would be a new old friend but I had a hunch. We lunched over our work not the other way round. We would be spending the next three days together and they would turn out to be as delightful as she is.

I had originally intended to have dinner with a dear friend of mine who was stuck in with the flu, what a disappointment but a Godsend also. My nephew was trying to get someone to cover his shift for the Friday we had planned to get together but it just wasn’t coming together, this cancellation saved the day and we had a wonderful three hour dinner and catch up. Spending time one on one away from the family is so much different and I learned just what a cool guy he is, he taught me much in that three hours and I can’t wait to continue where we left off. Who knows when, who knows where but I know like I know it will happen.

My Summer Sister Kyle has a myriad of former students that come and go and always remember her fondly. Some of them are still in her life and some of them are also in my life. I’ve always loved the way that seasons her legacy and come to find out I have a host of “former students” myself. There were two meetings happening simultaneously and many of the attendees of the other meeting had worked with me before, it became a reunion of sorts between those “boys”, as I call them, and me. Listening to the funny stories and hearing the gratitude was so heartwarming and unexpected. I think the world of each of them and now I realize they feel the same toward me. I long ago stopped wondering what people think of me, it’s really none of my business, but when you find out in such an uplifting fashion there is truly nothing like it.

After my meeting I planned to have dinner with one of my oldest friends, we stopped counting the years after thirty, and when we sat down together we just picked up right where we left off. I am blessed to have many old friends, people who have known and loved me over many many years but some just feel like they’ve lived in your soul your entire life.

The day before flying back home I worked with my new collegue and cemented our friendship once and for all before she made her way back home. Remember that room service and a bath thing…my final night, filled with memories of my time in Atlanta, rested and ready to get back home. I tend to travel on my own, I like the flexibility and the reflection it allows me.

I set out early the next morning when no one was around, I had an uneventful flight home, and watched the sun come up over Atlanta. Thank you Atlanta, I don’t know that I’ll see you again but I appreciated your hospitality.

As we begin our decent into Newark I can’t help wondering if Toto is talking to me. It’s been a string of heartbreak, painful Vet visits and hasty departures. I wouldn’t blame her if she never spoke to me again. Apparently, she’s a forgiving kinda girl, it’s good to be back on my beloved Stowe Lane with memories of my family, and old friends…even the new one.

The North Wind

Posted on November 2, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

If perchance your hopes had been disappointed, you learned never to ask for more. So through good times and bad, famine and feast, the villagers held fast to their traditions. Until, one winter day, a sly wind blew in from the North…Chocolat’

The north wind blew in last night; you could hear it in the chimney and through the windows. The wind was wicked this morning on our walk but we got our hour back and I was grateful for the light. I’m sure our morning walk is going to require gloves and more layers going forward and today forced me into corduroy leggings (the most God awful, least flattering, still have them on as I write this piece of clothing in the world if you are round).

You can tell by today that winter is coming but I love that it’s coming. I love burrowing down into my home; it’s quite possible I may light the first fire of the season tonight. I love the weight of an extra blanket on the bed and that the girls snore a bit louder in winter. It’s really not a hardship for me; most of what I do is solitary (writing, photos, “real job” subject matter expert…it’s a tiny little subject) so when everyone hibernates and longs for spring I’m doing my thing in a house that smells like roasting, eating soups and stews.

My office is the sunniest room in the house and the afternoon sun warms it even on the coldest days. It’s conducive to getting any kind of work done, be it administrative or creative. The weather doesn’t matter to me; I do that kind of work that can be done anywhere. I thought for a long time that I had a traditional job that chained me to a desk but not so. With the advent of technology I can be anywhere and work by cell phone and laptop away from the chaos of an open floor plan office with not enough white noise and safely shielded from the harsh elements. For this I am grateful.

Any collaboration that is needed can be done by conference call or video blah blah. I learned a wonderful lesson this week about creative collaboration. It doesn’t have to be done head to head in the same room or even the same state. One of my dear friends was moved by the same approach of winter and wrote about it. She is not anxious for winter’s arrival the way I am. I had the good fortune to be the one she trusted with her words. I had even more good fortune to see her on my way home from a recent business trip. I took some photos of her fall garden and together we created this (with her permission):

This was a week of gathering with friends in unexpected places but restorative to me none the less. It was all the right people saying all the right things after I voiced my concern about where I’d find like-minded people who could understand that I didn’t go to Houston to learn to “color”. There will be some people who hold fast to their traditions and they will be safely relegated to acquaintance. While others on the tail of the sly north wind will be boosted even further into my heart. All these people important as with both I have balance, but oh how I love those on the wind… I think we’ve got to measure goodness…by what we embrace…what we create…and who we include…Pere Henri…Chocolat’

Good Company

Posted on June 8, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company.

Jane Austen (1775 – 1817), Persuasion, 1818

If you’ve got to be in the car for anything over five hours it helps to have a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train…just sayin. When the day is done and your meetings went very well and you’re ready to kick back it’s especially nice to do it in good company. That usually means someone who can just welcome you and live in plan B for a tiny period of time. Someone who can take time out of their own routine to insure your visit is delightful, I call that a good friend.

A really good friend will walk with you to get the blood circulating again, hand you a glass of wine and just wait for the exhale. Walk a bit more to eat with you in a fabulous restaurant exploring the menu and taking a chance on something that might not be familiar. Lingering over the meal and the wine/martinis and catching up on all that we may have missed over the last few years that life has gotten in the way of seeing each other more often. It’s a rich conversation, a funny conversation, a smart and poignant conversation that seems like we’ve never missed a beat. How I love a good conversation that defies the boundaries of time.

Continue on to something sweet at the bar, of course, and laughs and giggles with the bartender, when was the last time I remember doing that? Jeez. Still not tired still chatting still laughing, thoughtful moments with tears on the brink but never spilling over; this is a true catch up.

The next morning explore the city from a native’s perspective finding more and more in common among the people we meet and each other. Camera in hand, capturing our time together, even on a no makeup Friday, enjoying the glorious weather and the history that is Old City Philly we promise to keep in better touch. This was too much fun not to.

There are people that come into your life and immediately make themselves indispensable, who understand that legacy means living your life the way you want your story told. It is a rare and precious gift to have people like this and to make sure you don’t lose them to anything as silly as the passage of time is imperative.

Happy Birthday Bethie, you know I wish you enough.

This is Grace

Posted on February 2, 2014 by Sandi LoConti

In life, as in the dance, grace glides on blistered feet…Alice Abrams

I believe him, she said. He is speaking like someone with an experience. Like he is missing family and simply wants to come home. This is grace. From a mother who let her son go and live with his father all the while wrestling with the decision. This is grace. To let a son make mistakes while standing on the sidelines watching and holding back from preventing those mistakes knowing they would prove beneficial. This is grace. While praying for assurance that you’ve done the right thing, never really knowing but trusting. This is grace. Welcoming him home to a family that loves him, having never let go of him and will now hold him responsible for the knowledge he’s gained and the man he’s become. Step by step.

She saved my life, she answered when they asked how you know her. This is grace. From a wife who had been left too soon by a husband that loved her dearly. This is grace. From a neighbor who called, and sat, and brought two tiny angels with her to play around the sadness they never even noticed. This is grace. Two women who were each struggling with their own inner distractions or pain that found each other at either end of a flight of stairs. This is grace. That two small children could enter and open up the hearts of these two women to move them forward toward each other and away from their pain. Step by step.

I can’t. She said of a woman she called friend for many years. This is grace. To recognize that it is not your fault that she has no friends. This is grace. To further recognize that you cannot be the only person in her life if all she does is show you her malice. This is grace. To know when to leave a friendship for your own sake because your peace of mind is important and that it might prove the only way for a friend to learn. Step by step.

These are people who have walked beside you, never showing you their anguish. Step by step most people are gathering grace in everything they do, everything they accomplish, everything they suffer, everything they celebrate and everything that they have and will become. I am in awe of people of grace because they have no clue that they have anything more than blistered feet as Alice Abrams so eloquently put it.

If any one thing could impact a person’s legacy as strongly it would be grace. One’s movement through the world, albeit at times on blistered feet, touching and impacting along the way. Being ever cognizant of the world around you, no matter how tiny that world might be, is valuable to countless others. I have been touched by the stories of these women this week and can’t help thinking they can’t begin to fathom how far they’ve come. Nor can they fathom how many they’ve touched in their grace. Brava my dears put your feet up for a while. We know, we’ve seen, your struggle hasn’t gone unnoticed by those around you…or do what you always do. Carry on through your life in that way only you can to the ever increasing benefit of us all.

Ordinary Legacy

Preserving moments in time through thoughtful words and images.

Tag Archives: friends

I Know Like I Know 2015

The Pleasure of Business

The North Wind

Good Company

This is Grace

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