Tag Archives: generosity

Superpowers

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Usually a Superpower refers to a state that has a dominant position in international relations and is characterized by its unparalleled ability to exert influence or project power on a global scale. Thank you once again Wikipedia. But there is an emerging, at least in my little universe, group of women that are bantering the term about regularly. These women are a decade…eh hem or more…younger than I but I love the way they think.

Andrea Scher, Karen Walrond, Brene Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert: You have superpowers! they say.

Yes, I do. Apparently I’ve been developing and honing them for years. But I’ve never referred to them as such, it would never occur to me to refer to them as such because…who the hell knows why. Here’s how I see it:

Writing. In a straight forward, tell me what you want to say and I’ll help you say it way. Bring me your voice and your thoughts and I’ll translate for you. I can do that.

Listening. Tell me your story, tell me your pain, tell me your troubles, tell me your predicament, God forbid you tell me your joy. People talk to me, not just my people but a lot of people. Total strangers on a line somewhere who are uncomfortable will talk to me. Any one in any situation will gravitate to me and begin a conversation. Kids will talk to me even dogs will talk to me. It’s the face my best friend keeps telling me.

Exhaling. After hearing and translating and offering I have finally learned that my job is not to fix. My job, the reason I’m here, what I can do, is give. And then exhale. Do NOT make the offer, do NOT volunteer, do NOT deprive yet another individual of the satisfaction of bringing themselves into their own. Even if that means falling down, come to find out the getting up is the reward, the character builder, the friend of resourcefulness.   This superpower was hard earned and it’s still in its initial stages but oh it is going to be big big big.

Process. It’s that interesting balance of common sense, pragmatism and foresight that somehow eludes others. Here’s the secret, it’s not a superpower it’s the ability to look one minute, I mean just one minute, beyond what YOU are doing. If you can master that you will see how, wait for it, others are being effected. A smooth process is about flow, knowing where the flow is being crimped makes you a superhero. There you go, please, get started on this one yourself.

Today is Mother’s Day and usually I struggle through this holiday as a Father’s Daughter. My sister and I spend every Sunday morning with our Mother so to gain perspective in this struggle I came to the conclusion that every Sunday is Mother’s Day but today had cards, and hot bakery rolls and my best behavior. The live and let live, let it go already superpower is still a work in progress. I’m hoping once you recognize a superpower it’s much easier to develop.

I know like I know that these women are on to something when they profess that we all have superpowers. But it’s not about bending steel with your bear hands or xray vision.  As Superheroes themselves, they possess that most invaluable superpower of them all; generosity.

 

 

Give A Little Bit

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with gramma2 (2)

Give a little bit
Give a little bit of your love to me
Give a little bit
I’ll give a little bit of my life for you
Now’s the time that we need to share
So find yourself, we’re on our way back home…Roger Hodgson – Supertramp

It seems to me that as soon as we’re born we’re already on our way back home.  I was reminded of that recently when I completed a questionnaire for a course I was taking.  One of the questions was something like tell me something that hasn’t ever appeared on your bio.  I had come across pictures of my maternal grandmother and me when I was two years old. They are lovely, the story goes that she wasn’t supposed to live long enough to see me born. Somehow she did and I’ve been told I was the reason she lived an additional two years.  The love shows in these pictures and in seeing them now, at this age, I got a sense of having been destined in some way.

So what do you do with that?  I believe I tried very hard to become generous; in different and interesting ways.  Iyanla Vanzant said, “When you stand and share your story in an empowering way your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.  My story has become about generosity, as Evi would say, I’m a giver…she means it in a completely different and funny way I’m sure.  I’ve had to learn the difference between being self-sacrificing, not a good thing, and being selfless.  I did the sacrificing thing and that didn’t work for anyone.  Self-sacrificing tends to lead to resentment because there is an expectation attached.  True generosity is giving with no expectation of anything in return.

I am an avid fund raiser for a local animal organization that provides food for pets through the local, and ever expanding, food pantries.  The thought of not being able to feed my girls just crushed me. There was a time, many years ago, that I had to cut way back but never did I ever not have food for my dogs.  I would have eaten mac and cheese daily…oh wait.  I don’t strong arm, I just send out a series of three emails and people respond.  They respond to the same thing I did, that there but for the grace of God go I, the what an innovative idea and the dedication of an all-volunteer group making a huge difference thing  They respond generously, I hope because over the years I’ve been generous in kind, through my work and through my actions.  I’m big on the way I live my life being enough no thanks required.

I was reminded recently (seems I’m always being reminded of something recently) by a friend I hadn’t spoken to in quite some time of a little thing I did for him when he was going through cancer treatment.  I would send a note by mail, I’m a huge believer in getting something other than bills and bullshit in the mail, with some encouraging quote or thought or just hello.  I would send one every week or every other week, I honestly don’t remember now, hoping they would bring a bit of something other than cancer to him.  I remember stopping them after his scans came back stellar.  I was so glad to hear how much they meant to him.

Sending things in the mail is one of those different and interesting ways I give.  Another way is giving a handkerchief to someone who has lost someone.  It’s one of those things that no one ever thinks of, probably because no one would even know where to find a handkerchief these days. I’ve got a collection of them from decades ago and I’ve stashed them with lavender in a box for just such occasions.  For those who are being as brave as they can be in the face of the rituals they must face when someone dies, why not give them something that they can bury their face in when the tears inevitably come.  Trying to maintain some sense of dignity while going through a box of tissues just doesn’t seem fair and after all is said and done, the keepsake can remind them of the respect they paid their loved one and the poise they maintained.

Photos have become another way of giving for me.  I’m trying very hard to capture life as I see it with the people I’m on my journey with.  I love my people and I hope they know it.  To cement our times together I snap away, sometimes to the momentary annoyance of my subjects, but ultimately to their delight when presented with the evidence of time well spent.  I hope that the portraits I took of my friends now departed dog will give her comfort each time she views them.  I know that the books I’ve been putting together at the end of each year are bringing my family just the perfect gift each Christmas.  I know I’m getting better at it and thanked God I didn’t screw up the most fabulous wedding pictures.

I’ve given away my pearls, my wedding dress, my money, my time, my ear, my heart but the number one give away that brings me pleasure is giving away food.  I don’t know that this could be called truly generous as I do do do want something in return.  I get no greater pleasure than cooking with and for people and having them gather around my table for eating, drinking, laughing and sharing.  Feeding people is my number one favorite thing to do, having people in my home, being surrounded by laughter, oh that just sends me.

You’ve heard me say over and over I believe in food for thought and moments in time; add to that kind gestures and that should just about cover it.  I don’t really ask for much but on a rainy, miserable day like today it would have been nice to have someone bring me a coffee and the NY Times to enjoy in bed.  Yet another post in the making…

Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less the you need…Kahlil Gibran

 

 

 

 

 

Just Enough Rain for Luck

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Had anyone told me I would be quoting Steven “Dude looks like a lady” Tyler I would have said they were smoking what he smokes…the thing is he’s got this when he says “If you have a candle, the light won’t glow any dimmer if I light yours off of mine.”

I have been the recipient of more generosity than I ever could have imagined.  From my family, from my family, from my family especially my Father.  He didn’t have much, he didn’t know much but he shared everything from stories to lost dreams to insight to the yolk from his over easy eggs salted just perfectly to wint-o-green lifesavers.  We spoke a similar language that only we could understand.

So many generous people have shared their knowledge with me throughout my career that it’s hard to list them all.  Most notably my friend Cookie, a rare breed in the car business that thought it was ok, no more than ok, to share his vast, been there done that, know where the bodies are buried knowledge with a woman of all people.  I’m not talking about the read the financial statement kind of knowledge I’m talking about the watch out for this trick, keep an eye out for this on the bill of sale kind of knowledge.   It was invaluable but beyond that it was the same kind of knowledge my own father shared, the real life, you’ll get kicked in the ass once in a while knowledge in a kicked up more educated went to college version.

Over the course of the sixteen years I worked with him, he was my mentor, he was my friend and he became my confidant during a time when not much was going right.  You can’t help but know an awful lot about each other’s families working together every single day.  He knew my relationship with my father and I knew his relationship with his children especially his Muriel.  So it was no surprise to me when my father died he could see the future.

In the infinity of life that we all share, I have to believe that a promise kept is more important than many other things.  If something happens to me, he said…you’ve got Muriel.  Of course I would, and so I do.  Through the miracle of universal alignment she lives four doors away on our little Stowe Ln.  It’s been an easy friendship full of shared experiences and memories of both her father and mine.  It’s my hope that one day she will think of me as one of the generous people in her life and fulfill her promise of helping me grow old with a sippy cup of wine in my hand…just sayin

I had the honor of seeing her married this past weekend, of chauffeuring her in a shiny BMW the way her Father would have, of authenticating the day through photos that were beautiful but regrettably missing one of the most important people in her life. We didn’t speak of it, we didn’t have to.

It was a joyous day none the less, had I had a daughter I would want her to be exactly like Muriel. Beautiful, real, take after her Father in that sarcastic listen closely so you don’t miss anything kind of way.  We will always share the Father’s Daughter mentality, sentimentality although she will poo poo being capable of any such thing. What we know like we know is that they are exuberantly watching from somewhere and even if they’re not they have shared so much that we will never run out of all that they have left behind for us.

To that end the lesson for both of us from our Father’s has been  to share what we know, not just our knowledge but our way of looking at things, our perspective if you will, our sense of humor, our sense of family and our friendship so that we too can leave behind bits of ourselves.

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My dearest Muriel and Martina no amount of love and health and happiness can ever be enough for you.  Know you’re loved, share your lives fully and leave behind all that makes you what and who you are, as individuals and as a couple, so that many can benefit from your having met and married.  Like your wedding day I wish you just enough rain for luck I know like I know it will be a breathtaking life.