Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…or NOT. Leave it to me to second guess the golden rule, sorry Luke. But what if what you would want doesn’t even come close to what another would want? How golden is a rule that puts everyone in that awkward position? How can a person really “be that person” (legacy lesson number one) without going down the road to hell, you know the one paved with good intentions.
Shakespeare wrote that expectations are the root of all heartache, if that’s so why not live outside of expectations? I ran up against a few situations this week and last that expectations seemed to get the better of me and it gave me pause.
I linked a blog post of mine on Anne Lamott’s Facebook page in genuine camaraderie with a phrase she turned in one of her posts. She mentioned she was “taking the sacrament of putter”. Brilliant! My “Art of Puttering” was in keeping with her sentiment. My post received over a thousand hits to my blog…let me say that again, my post received over a thousand hits. It was a holy shit moment bigger than anything I had yet to see. I was grateful, I was elated, and I was happy, beyond joyful. You can imagine.
So what did I do? I considered, no I actually tried the same thing on other blogs expecting to see another fabulous boost to my blog stats. See how that word snuck in there? I didn’t post with a good intention, I didn’t for one minute check my motivation. Payoff, zero. Ok maybe not zero but it was kinda that road to hell thing.
Last week when I was researching my meditation piece I ran up against this:
May all this remain undefiled
By the stains of the eight mundane concerns;
And may I, recognizing all things as illusion,
Devoid of clinging, be released from bondage.
This is the teaching of the Dalai Lama. The eight mundane concerns are attitudes that tend to dominate our lives generally. They are: becoming elated when someone praises you, becoming depressed when someone insults or belittles you, feeling happy when you experience success, being depressed when you experience failure, being joyful when you acquire wealth, feeling dispirited when you become poor, being pleased when you have fame, and feeling depressed when you lack recognition.
In no way am I “that person” that can remain undefiled by the stains of the eight mundane concerns. I could meditate until the cows come home and never begin to get close to releasing at least three of those mundane concerns from my grasp. However, it seems it all comes down to checking your motivation. 
My Lina lost her fight with cancer this week, or I should say I helped her end her fight with cancer this week. This was a case of do unto others as you would have them do unto you, kinda. The decision to have the emergency surgery was mine back in December, the decision to begin chemo was mine. My motivation was to give her as much time with us as we could without any sacrifice of quality of life. The expectation was that she could beat the average life expectancy of this very invasive cancer. My expectation, not hers, which would give us all time to learn to live in the moment and prepare Toto (and me) for life without her. It’s what I would want for myself but I went right down that damn road…again. We had a month and a week of quality, joyous live in the tail wagging happy dance moments until she decided her work was done. I let go the expectations and let her go with no regrets. I learned that to do unto others as you would have them do unto you means actually listening to them and acting on what it is they want. That the harder thing to do is sometimes the right thing to do. To try and stay off that damn road lined with good intention by adapting the golden rule without expectation and living the lessons Lina taught.
And so I’ve also decided that people will find my little blog if I genuinely do my work, believe in my message and live my life the way I want my story told. When I honestly believe that sharing what I have to say on someone else’s like-minded post is appropriate and purely motivated I will do so. When I’m tempted to work the social media game I won’t. I believe that what I have to say is important and I will find a proper way to say it without expectation of increased site stats and Facebook likes. If nothing else I will learn to check my motivation.