Tag Archives: gratitude

The Rules of Serendipity

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How the hell can something like serendipity have rules? A fortunate happenstance or a pleasant surprise just shows up, right? Yes and No, and Maybe Not. Still enjoying the events of Thanksgiving week and all its serendipity made me wonder how that all came along?

First and foremost you must be open to the possibilities. If you’re always looking for something but never recognizing the other thing that comes along you won’t notice serendipity. Consider Alexander Flemings’ accidental discovery of penicillin or the invention of the Post-It note by Spencer Silver. Nobel Prize laureate Paul Flory suggests that significant inventions are not mere accidents but people paying attention. Many outstanding researchers recognize and appreciate the unexpected and new hypotheses emerge from contrary data.

Be willing to drop everything. In a not so lofty happening as research or significant inventions I got a great text from some dear friends that found themselves in a peach of a situation at our favorite restaurant. We just recently had lunch there and I didn’t expect to see them until well into the month of December. But because they texted a can-you-believe that I took as an invitation there we were. Without any hesitation I dropped everything and just went. It was delightfully unexpected and incredibly fun to spend time with David and Jan in the week of Thanksgiving.

Take a chance. Saying “what the hell” out loud, in retrospect, has produced a good share of serendipitous events. For instance, I had an offhanded conversation with a colleague about whether he knew anyone who was renting a house on the Cape. I wound up with a darling rental close to friends and the beach and my wonderful new friend, Wanda. A wonderful new “old friend” who I had the most heartwarming conversation with on Thanksgiving evening and who I don’t see moving out of my life any time soon all because I said what the hell, let me ask.

Expect serendipity. If you search for synonyms of serendipity you’ll find: chance, fate, destiny, karma, providence, luck, fortune, coincidence. There are those who beg to differ like the New Oxford Dictionary. Their definition defines serendipity as the occurrence and development of events by chance in a satisfactory or beneficial way, understanding the chance as any event that takes place in the absence of any obvious project, which is not relevant to any present need, or in which the cause is unknown. Whew.  You weren’t looking for something but got something fabulous. But the individuals that made those discoveries “were able to see bridges where others saw holes”. They further define chance as an event, serendipity as a capacity. I love that.

Give it thanks. I have been blessed in the biggest of ways and the tiniest of ways. After everyone left on Thanksgiving and I chatted with my friend Wanda, I was exhausted. There was so much food, so much wine, so much laughter, and so much ease to the day. The next morning I was keenly aware of all of the “so much” and wondered if I was going to make it to the gym. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let a little (little???) hangover get in the way.

My text to my nearest and dearest went like this: That moment when your trainer cancels and even you think to yourself “of course he did” because you were definitely over-served and couldn’t even begin to think about working out but damn it you were going…my universe is incredibly kind…just saying.

I gave that bit of serendipity big thanks. HUGE

With a Full Heart

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Having a full heart doesn’t just mean gratitude. For a holiday that is based in gratitude, Thanksgiving can be problematic because God knows any number of gratitude violations can occur. Having a full heart means feeling the emotions of the day whether they are good or bad, the impact of your world and, yes, gratitude. If you’re open to it there are little miracles happening if you’re not your heart may ache.

I began my holiday on Tuesday making Stollen, a new tradition I’m starting for my sister-friend Evi. She and her family join us for the traditional “family” holidays each year and I can’t picture it any other way now. While Stollen is a traditional Christmas bread, that holiday belongs to her husband, Walter, and his fruit cake. It’s a yeast bread, anything can happen but only good came from the yeast this first time out. The house smelled wonderful and I believe it was a welcome addition to the table.

Wednesday is my pre-prep day. The brussel sprouts are roasted, three bags of them this time because somehow everyone decided to like them after all these years. I roast them on Wednesday so that I can have every single one of those crispy chips to myself. They are salty and flavorful and oh so CRISPY! Stuffing is made, cranberry sauce is made, and table is set.brussells001Just as I’m finishing all my prep I get a text from two of my favorite people, the Riley’s, who are just sitting down to lunch at our favorite place at our favorite table the day before Thanksgiving when there shouldn’t have been a seat to be had. The rules of serendipity kick in and I’m on my way, no makeup, cooking clothes, smelling like brussel sprouts and we couldn’t have had a better time.

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Thursday brings my sister and my mother to the house first. My mother has been practicing going up the stairs and walking each day so that she can make it into my home. She was a champ! She has also been having a wonderful love affair with our Toti Nonna, the dog who I’m sure was the motivation for all that “practice”. I am convinced they are saving each other on so many levels. It is an amazing thing to watch them together. It really fills my heart, and everyone else’s.thanksgiving 2015001Every once in a while when I cook in my kitchen I feel just the slightest twinge of regret for the magnificent kitchen I left behind. My kitchen is very tiny but then when I see the miracle of something going from raw to roasted, the ease with which I can move around and the number of people who feel comfortable in my home I let the twinge come and let it go just as quickly.thanksgiving 2015003thanksgiving 2015005

I’m sure my sister is feeling the same thing in reverse. She is enjoying her magnificent kitchen and turning out some fabulous dishes where she was once an onlooker to Honey’s domain. And it was Honey’s domain from which came incredible meals the likes of which we won’t see again. I wait all year for her pumpkin pie and she truly truly truly outdid herself this year. My heart swells when I picture her at her baking counter with her Cuisinart and KitchenAid mixer putting together her newest rendition with shortbread crust and creamy amazing filling. She brings two, I put one away to enjoy throughout the weekend but it “must be gone by Sunday” or I will never get back to a normal diet. The new rendition is a keeper that I will enjoy year after year, right?thanksgiving 2015004

Each year when we are all around the table I manage to get a picture. I never really manage to get in the picture because…well you know. This year however through the magic of IPhone, a rigged stand made out of binder clips and delayed exposure I got in!!! It’s a beautiful picture and I’m so thrilled to have it but it makes me laugh. We all have a perfect smile as if we are looking at someone taking the picture, but really we’re staring at the phone, counting down one second away from bursting out laughing. As if the picture weren’t enough we have that silly moment as well.thanksgiving 2015007

 

Surrounded by people I love, Mom and Terri going home early but far later than previous years, the Girls coming in with hugs and love, still others coming in like a whirlwind in need of a friendly atmosphere, the over lapping and fellowship among all just goes straight to the root of life on Stowe Lane. Texts from friends, a wonderful phone call from my newest old friend, too much food, way too much wine, so much laugher, complete exhaustion at the end of the day, or rather the three days, my heart is full. I am in awe of the love that resides in this home, of the people in my life and the good fortune that I’ve found. It all came home to me the next day on our walk, we were cutting through the fog, figuratively and literally from the “richness” of Thanksgiving, and the sun made its way out.

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I saw a heart in that emerging sun, I see a sun in my emerging heart…

Hope Among the Birch

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They say that following the last Ice Age the robust and weather-hardy birch would have been among the first to re-colonize ice ravaged landscape. In botanical terms, it’s known as a pioneer species.  This fact alone makes it perfectly fitting that I found myself among the birch at Green Mountain at Fox Run in view of fabulous Okemo in Ludlow Vermont.

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I agreed to accompany my sister but it was increasingly clear the more I read of GMFR the more I couldn’t wait to get there myself.  I’m no stranger to issues with weight and I’ve spent the better part of the last seven years developing life strategies but the weight…remained.  From their website:

…Over the past four decades, Green Mountain at Fox Run has helped thousands of women end weight loss struggles with eating, exercise and body image, make long-term healthy lifestyle changes and lose weight permanently…

We were part of a four day “intensive science based program” centered around food, movement and mindfulness.  Our group was a dozen and a half women of varying backgrounds, sizes and stages of life.  I refer to them as the most phenomenal group of love and mess I’ve ever met.  They completely filled my heart for so many reasons and though we’ve vowed to keep in touch even if I never hear from them again they will remain in my heart.

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I’ve spent the entire past week trying to process my experience last weekend and it has been extremely difficult.  The amount of knowledge was staggering, the ah ha moments just kept coming, the movement was diverse and fun and yes you could actually walk the next day, the thought provoking, look inside and discover what serves you and what doesn’t moments were like streaming video.   And the food was incredible and delish.

I thought for a split second that I might be able to do “a post” on the experience but it’s impossible to boil it down to just one post.  There is just too much to share that is legacy related.

I have to start with the staff.  How the hell do you interview for kindness? These are experts in their field with the highest levels of education but at the core they are women helping women.  They will fly their hand to their heart in a minute at someone’s tiniest success.  They will engage at yet another moment’s notice with anyone showing the slightest bit of courage.  They will pop out of their office at the slightest hint of someone in need, whether they are a mother or not they all have that “mother hearing”.  Hell they will jump up and send a hug your way if that’s what it’s going to take to cement your first ah ha moment (my sister can attest). As I watched the weekend unfold I came to realize that these were also women with their own stories turned into incredible legacies.  They know like they know of what they speak. And so you can’t help but trust the integrity of their word, THAT cannot be contrived.  They define living life the way you want your story told. Brava.

Oddly, one of the biggest things I took from this weekend was one of the tiniest things you can do each day, pause.  I learned about the natural pauses that occur in almost everything you do.  Thousands of times a day you breathe in, breathe out.  There is the tiniest pause at the top of the inhale and the bottom of the exhale.  If you’ve never considered this you should for it can stop you from any number of things.  Not that I remembered to pause this morning as my mother told the same damn story about the time himself brought the dog to her apartment and she (the dog) pooped in the living room….agghhhh.  Let it go already… both of us clearly have work to do I laughed on the way home.

Another important natural pause occurs when you’re eating.  It is physically impossible to keep at a breakneck pace without pausing, even if you’re starving.  Not that I’ve ever been accused of breakneck speed when eating, you didn’t think I heard your eyes roll….did you?  Many times you will actually put your fork down and then pick it up again without taking advantage of the pause.  What I can be accused of is not paying attention until I’m at shaky, sweaty, hangry, gotta eat or someone will get hurt.  You knew it was coming, you’ve seen it.

There is irony in my not being fully aware of the pauses in my life as most of these posts are categorized as pause points.  Yes I’m paying attention now.

Suffice to say that over the next few weeks I hope to further process and share what happened on that mountain, as my sister would say, so that you can understand that I am not the same person for having gone to explore what might have been a new “diet” (no such thing, don’t let’em tell you otherwise) and come back validated in my work of the last seven years with hope for an incredibly bright and creative future.

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Today I have grown taller from walking with the trees….Karle Wilson Baker

 

 

Me Meditate?

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Ordinary Legacy Mantra: Thank you for this day and everything in it.

They tell me that meditation can be practiced by anyone, anywhere, and that you can focus your attention, produce a deep state of relaxation and a tranquil mind.  Do you know me?  During meditation your attention is focused and your ricochet rabbit thoughts can be eliminated…really?  You can achieve calm, peace and balance that are beneficial to both your emotional and overall health.  And even when your meditation session ends your benefits just keep on keepin on.

The Mayo Clinic gives the following emotional benefits from meditation:  Gaining new perspective, stress management, increased self-awareness, reducing negative emotions and focusing on the present.  Ok, I’m listening, I could use a little of this and a little of that.

They go on to inform us that certain medical conditions that can be worsened by stress might find meditation useful.  Of course the jury is still out as their disclaimer clearly states (meditation isn’t a replacement for traditional medical treatment) but perhaps anxiety disorders, asthma, depression, heart disease, high blood pressure, pain and sleep problems could be eased by integrating meditation into one’s life.   I happen to have a few of those…

The numerous ways to meditate range from guided to mantra to mindfulness to transcendental meditation and can include some physical practices like Qi Gong, Tai chi, and Yoga.  There are any number of Gurus, both on line and in the community, willing to impart their wisdom…seriously?  It’s a business?  Honey everything is a business…

Several years ago I took up the practice of daily affirmations and this seemed to me the next logical step.  Here’s what I’ve learned so far:

With all the talk of deep breathing and letting all those invasive thoughts float by like clouds I thought my head would blow off and I would hyperventilate.  First of all it is nearly impossible to stop your thoughts, if they stop you stop.  And deep breathing when forced becomes the hardest thing ever and really loud in your head.

Repeat a mantra…seriously the mantras that are most often associated with meditation are in a completely different language.  I don’t know, nor do I wish to know Sanskrit, or whatever.

Make sure you’re not disturbed.  Use a candle at the beginning if it is too uncomfortable to keep your eyes closed. Meditate first thing in the morning before anything else when your mind is at its most quiet.  I have dogs, the first thing that happens in my house is a dash for the door with all the accoutrements of the morning walk to relieve…it all.  Not disturbed…with dogs?  One eye is always opening to see what those two are up to especially now that Lina is in treatment.  Where exactly does one put a candle with two dogs roaming around you as you’re cross legged on the floor, which in itself is a bit of a thing, to say nothing of the smooches on the face because you are after all at eye level. And you know they’re watching you even if they’re not right in your face…

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Notice small adjustments and do NOT stress.  Meditation is what it is, they say, and  just do the best you can at the time. Ok, it may be what it is to you but my epiphany came when I realized the single only thing in your life that is always in the moment is your body.  So I put my body where it’s comfortable, in my chair.  They say it’s ok to sit in a chair but your feet should be on the floor, eh not so much. I do a body scan, which they actually recommend, to see how everything feels and make small adjustments so nothing is falling asleep or twitching or numb.  Just so you know, your nose will itch as soon as you close your eyes.

I tune in to Pandora calm meditation channel, set a meditation timer (there’s an app for that) pick up my coffee, and shut my eyes.  I know, the coffee isn’t really a step in any guru’s teachings but I love the feel of the warmth through the cup and when my mind wanders I can either bring it back to my body (which is always in the moment remember) or take a sip and feel that velvety hot liquid going down my throat and warming me all over.  I am now practiced at the art of finding my lips with my eyes closed and not spilling a drop.  I catch on quick…just sayin.

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If one of the dogs puts a paw up on the chair, they now recognize that the slight opening of one eye means get the hell off and somehow they do…energy is indeed powerful.

The moral of this story is that it seems to be working.  Not in any formal sense that the meditating community would recognize but I find myself coming back to my body and closing my eyes during the day too.  I find my mind is a bit slower, when I ask it to be, and that my shoulders have somehow found their way down my neck.  When I’m in a stressful situation I tend to breathe differently.  My breathing regulates and I don’t need to think about it anymore.

Liz Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame talks in these terms about meditation, “It’s not necessarily discipline. Discipline can become a prison. When your spiritual practices become another thing for you to be anxious about, they’ve lost their usefulness. I try to be limber with it and soft with it”.  Amen Sister.  I too am being soft with it but I think I might actually be doing this meditation thing, kinda.