Tag Archives: let it go

The Power of Pitching a Fit

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If you’re anything like me you probably think you’ve got it all together. People come to you and ask your advice, you struggle with not fixing things for everyone anymore and sometimes you actually succeed. You’re a safe place, people can say anything they want to you and it goes nowhere beyond the conversation. Vent away, of course you feel that way, I’m so sorry this is happening, you say to whomever needs to hear it.

You find yourself saying these things time and time again and then sometimes you wonder where those same people go when they’re feeling fabulous. Not to your house as it turns out. And so it begins that crazy mixture of self-pity, I never ask for anything rant (except that you take two minutes each week to read my tiny little blog), why am I always alone story you tell yourself right before your back starts aching and your hip doesn’t work right and you have a headache every day and your hair is as big as Diana Ross. You see where this is going?

It happens to all of us at one time or another. When the stuff of life starts manifesting in your body I don’t care how many affirmations you recite, how much praying you do it won’t work until you pitch a fit. The cares and woes of all your people are safe with you, they feel better and you are better for being there but summon up your petulant child and start stamping your feet, crying your eyes out or dancing/running/walking it out of your body when you feel it coming on. Howl at the moon, punch the bobo doll, find a way to sweat it out. I’m not kidding it works.

Don’t let it fester as if you are everyone’s personal vessel of troubles. Yes, you are a kind hearted soul that somehow finds yourself with a head full of everything that’s happened to your people in the last six months/years/decades. Remember it’s not your stuff, get rid of it, the helping is done now let it go.

Don’t let the situation worm its way into all of your own things you’ve been putting aside. Because God knows you can make a mountain out of wink when you’re in this state of teary aches and pains and why’s and why nots. Remember you have people too. They would be happy to say what you need to hear if only you tap them on the shoulder, or shoot a text or show up for lunch as it turns out. It’s not your job to take care of everyone else first, it’s your job to take care of you first. If you’re empty for yourself you’re empty for everyone else too.

Indulge your temper tantrum, with those who’ve seen it before. I am eternally grateful for my besties, the ones who cheer when I pitch a fit…because they know like they know I’ll be fine in a minute. Ok, I’m done now.

Soul Cleanse

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Many people suffer at different times of the year, most common is around the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.  I won’t say I suffer, but I become nostalgic, and mournful, and something…between Memorial Day and Father’s Day.  It may seem an odd time but it is steeped in loss, and remorse and second guessing.  It’s also filled with hope but it takes a minute to get there.  It usually culminates in a long discussion with my Father on Father’s day on the way to the Cape but this year is different, I won’t be taking that ride until a few weeks after Father’s Day.

Instead I will spend some time with my dearest friend and niece Carly doing a 5k color run.  Don’t get excited, I’ll be walking but still… I’ll be among people and laughter and joy instead of having the same discussion I’ve been having for the last decade. There is a time to hold on and there is a time to let go.

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As if to set in stone this is a time to let go, I happened to attend a funeral mass yesterday for a business associate’s father.  I didn’t know the man but I’ve known his son for fifteen years.  I’m not sure why I decided to go but it was enlightening and emotional and bought me clarity on so many levels.  Normally I am steadfast emotionally at these things but I was tearful at the love shown, the grandchildren left behind, the music, the ritual of the mass, and the regret that my father’s passing was so very different.  It became more and more apparent that his legacy was left exclusively in our hands and what an enormous responsibility we had taken on. The fact is his legacy is ours to treasure we are not responsible for it, we didn’t create it.  It is only up to us to tell his truth.

There is no greater energy than the energy you find within a church or temple or any spiritual place of devotion.  It blankets you whether you are of the sect or not.  I love the feeling but I’ve let go of the need to participate as part of the flock.  So many questions whirl around me are answered by my knowing that “God ain’t mad at me”.  As Lincoln said, “When I do good I feel good, when I do bad I feel bad. That is my religion.”

I’ve been journaling my thoughts and revelations over the past two weeks and more and more I’m drawn to the words of one of my Lime Sisters, “My grip is loosening.”  Thank you A’Driane Nieves for the generosity of your truth and your talent, you can’t begin to know the legacy you are creating.  I am grateful for your friendship and sisterhood albeit from afar.  I miss my Lime Sisters and their unbridled energy.  I need a tribe…

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My journaling has brought many revelations about introverts vs extroverts, fear, loneliness and motivation. How to begin, when to know if it’s smarter to keep on going or walk away.  What brings joy and what the hell is my purpose.

I’ve come to realize that my purpose comes at a cost.  When you are a go to person and people get what they need they go away. They go away whole and better and joyful and grateful but they do go away.

I’ve also come to realize that my concentration should always be on the ones who stay and become family.  Concentrate on the ones who come back and share their wholeness and a bit of themselves with me on a higher level of equilibrium.

I’m grateful for those wonderful people who let me vent, or rant, or withdraw but don’t freak out as if the world was going to end.  I’m even more grateful for the people who reciprocate what they have gotten without missing a beat. The dear Aunt M’s continue to support and enrich my life.

And so my soul cleanse these past few weeks has been difficult and rewarding.  It has been emotional and joyful.  It has cemented my story the way I want it told.  My six word memoir, a woman of substance who shared, still rings true to me.  I am looking forward to letting go that which is no longer mine and embracing that which belongs to me.

 

 

Pazzia

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English translation from Italian, lunacy.  So apparently I wasn’t the only one believing that this was a bad moon but is there really any such thing?  Does the full moon really have the mystical power to induce lunacy?  Does the state of “moonstruck” trigger erratic behavior, increase drunkenness, traffic accidents, homicides (ok I stopped short of homicide) and arrests (no bail money was needed this time)?   Why else would police departments, emergency rooms and suicide hot lines add personnel to cope with the “heightened incidents”?

Believe it or not the jury is still out on the validity of lunacy, originally referring to insanity of an intermittent kind attributed to changes of the moon.  There are, of course, several theories; the most widely held has to do with the effect of the full moon on water.  Miami psychiatrist, Arnold Lieber, “the full moon’s supposed effects on behavior arise from its influence on water. The human body, after all, is about 80 percent water, so perhaps the moon works its mischievous magic by somehow disrupting the alignment of water molecules in the nervous system.”  Not many in the scientific community are buying it, seems the gravitational effects of the moon are tiny tiny tiny. And the water that is affected by the moon is open water, and the effects are the same for the new moon, which we can’t even see.

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More and more studies are not endorsing the lunacy theories of the ages.  More and more studies are pointing toward….urban legend.  Hollywood has helped with the legend part of it, nothing short of a full moon will do as the music rises and the scream is imminent.  Please.

One of the more interesting theories was raised by Charles L. Raison, Emory University. He seemed to think that the effect may have been genuine at one time; before the advent of outdoor lighting the bright light of the full moon deprived people who were living outside of sleep.  Ok, I have never lived outside but I can assure you no amount of black out blinds, drapes can prevent the full moon from seeping into my bedroom at night.  This theory I can work with.

Whatever your beliefs the full moon does…something.  I’m not sure what but I know like I know that the end of last week brought me to a table in a little dive bar with four other women who, unprovoked (except that they read my post last week) sat down hard and said this was a bad moon.

Each had a story of crazy customers, spouses, children and they were sticking to it.  That said, I can’t think of a better way to end a full moon week than with these women.  The laugher and stories just kept coming.  Our only similarity is that we work in the same business, we are each  very different people but together we made an otherwise difficult week manageable.  I hadn’t laughed all week and here I hadn’t stopped.

One of these wonderful women caught my eye and said, you did this.  You got us here.  What a wonderful compliment.  There was a moment just after that when I felt as if I was out of body, the background noise faded away and as I looked around the table at these women, who each had their own life rant going on, I knew (like I knew) that this week was truly done.  I believe they knew it to.  It’s no wonder we vow to do this each month, so no one gets hurt including each of us.