If ever a year of firsts were to go down in history this would be the year. When you lose someone and every first thereafter is life affirming, instead of devastating, you know that the greater good is in play. You begin to understand those left behind rather than those who’ve gone ahead. Don’t get me wrong #lifewithoutlina has its heart wrenching moments but watching her sister come into her own is uplifting.

Toti on vacation was eye opening. Combine new places, new experiences, play dates and selfies and you’ve got time well spent on the Cape with a dear little dog that left behind the life she spent hovering and protecting her sister. Her entire life was all about Lina but now, now she is having a ball. And she has become the belle of the ball.

Toti Nonna and her Gramma have developed quite the love affair since I first snuck her into senior housing. During Gramma’s recent rehab stay, she and Toti became even closer. In fact, Toti took herself into several rooms along the way to Gramma’s to say hello. Do I see therapy dog training in her future? They both light up when they’re together especially if there are belly rubs involved.

Each year Lina and Toto and I have been together we’ve raised money for a wonderful charity, Companion Animal Advocates, that makes an amazing difference in our community. I found them the same year Lina and Toto found me, coincidence? Probably not, just like minded energy at the intersection of we’re the luckiest people/dogs on the face of the earth so let’s do this. In my heart of hearts I thought I wouldn’t be able to hold it together this year without Lina. I couldn’t have been more wrong, Toti wagged her tail from one end of the event to the other, she kissed every dog she met right on the nose, she acted with grace and curiosity and kindness and fun. She was funny. My Toti, the ever vigilant defender of her meek sister, had people laughing at her adorableness and antics. Yes she popped herself right up on the CAA picnic table to say hello as soon as we arrived. The Queen surely knows how to make an entrance.

There are moments when I feel incredibly guilty for the relief of caring for our special needs girl.   Lina, my love, lived her entire life with anxiety. She was attached to me in a way I found comforting but in retrospect she just couldn’t be… If I got up, she got up, she started at every noise, she would turn us around and take us home if anything spooked her on the walk, she couldn’t relax in the car, she just couldn’t be…and her sister would accommodate and protect and comfort.

With a relatively short mourning period Toti has moved back into the moment. She loves the car, in fact she thinks each time we walk out the door it’s time to get in the car. And so I’m taking my cue from her, I’m staying in today, loving our walks and our rides and our vacations and our belly rubs and our trips to Gramma’s and our interactions in the neighborhood and on and on. She has taught me that when your job is done you can relax and live a wonderful life, especially if you’ve done your job well. #makingnewmemories