Ida’s Ravioli

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When two friends are passionate about their heritage and their love of cooking and their recipes ultimately one thing will lead to another.  My dear friend Tonine and I have been talking culinary for years and after comparing and competing we have finally come to a showdown, of sorts.  By the way, she wins or rather her mom, Ida, wins, big time.

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I was thrilled to be invited recently to Sunday dinner at Ida’s where she would be making the now famous ravioli on the even more famous (better be included in the will to Tonine) board she uses for everything pasta.  I came with camera and curiosity and neither was disappointed.  I made myself as invisible as is possible for a round girl like me and clicked away.

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Ida is formidable in her eighties, she has been cooking her entire life and she continues to this day to go to work in a local school cafeteria.  To watch her work with food is to watch a story being told.  There are so many stories being told on this day not the least of which is love of family, pride of heritage and legacy in the making.

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Tonine’s brother Paul, his wife Amy and their two boys, Beau and Bryce came for the “photo shoot” and soon the tiny little apartment was abuzz with chatter and laughter and loudness and teasing and pure love.  Ida loves her family and shows them in completely different ways.  She is still vigilant with her children though they are grown and her grandchildren can do no wrong…because that’s what a Momma and a Nonna does.

The ingredients are ready and the process begins.  Everyone is involved either hands on or with a comment here or there until it comes to the pasta dough, to this day only Ida is kneading and rolling the dough, only her hands know the right consistency and have the right touch.  My guess is that these children make their own pasta in their own homes using the lessons they’ve learned from Ida but in Ida’s house Ida rolls the dough.

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It’s a wonderful back and forth between them all, one jumping in when the other jumps out to keep the boys engaged in a way that keeps them out of trouble but in the mix.  When brother and sister stand side by side the quips and the teasing and the love go back and forth and back and forth, it’s a joy to watch something I’m sure they don’t even know they are doing.  All the while Ida is at work, she pauses to get everyone’s attention and keep their wonderful assembly line going.  Finally the ravioli are ready to cook and enjoy.

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But first the board must be cleaned and the table cleared.  Tonine volunteer’s to clean the board but Ida declines as she brushes the flour from its surface the look on her face reminisces the many times she’s used it and every story that it might tell.  It is held in reverence as a cherished link to times gone by.

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Roused from the reverie Ida finds her way into the kitchen to “cook”, everything she can think of because Italian people can’t help themselves.  The cutlets are fried the pasta water is boiling, the sauce and the vegetables are readied the bread is baked and the wine is poured.

Ida Ravioli (121)While Ida is in the kitchen the drinks are made, Tonine’s husband Mark joins us and the laughter increases a few more decibels.  This is what Sundays are made of in large families, even when they get a bit smaller there is still an easy flow that settles in on a home for Sunday dinner.

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The table is set and the camera and phones are put away.  The TV is off and the eating begins.  The ravioli are large like the opening of the glass they were made with and round and light and flavorful.  They taste of heritage and love and I eat at least three, OK maybe four.  And, of course, a taste of everything else on that table because I certainly don’t want to insult Ida….

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We eat, we talk, we laugh, Tonine and I sit side by side, shoulder to shoulder and pass a look that says this is what life is all about. We can’t look for long or the tears might come. Neighbors come and go with ice and cookies and drinks flow and time passes and then I go home.  But I smile all that night and the next day having been welcomed and trusted with the recipe for Ida’s ravioli.  I won’t make them her way, I could never do them justice but I will look forward to the day, hopefully many many years from now, when the board is passed to Tonine and she asks me to come and help her make ravioli.  It will be my privilege to join her to tell this story again, and again, and again.

Thank you Ida, for trusting me with your story.

If Wishes Were Horses Beggars Would Ride

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In the week of resolutions and calls to action and life changing scenarios this Scottish proverb, originating in the 16th century, suggests that it is useless to wish and that better results will be achieved through action.  So how are your resolutions going…?  Since this has also been a week of lists let’s look at the top resolutions of those living life and the top regrets for those who are close to the end:

The top ten wishes for this year:              Top ten regrets of the dying:

1 Lose Weight                                          1 never pursued my dreams and aspirations

2 Getting Organized                                 2 worked too much/neglected my family

3 Spend Less, Save More                       3 should have made more time for my friends

4 Enjoy Life to the Fullest                         4 should have said I love you more.

5 Getting Fit and Healthy                          5 should have spoken my mind

6 Learn Something Exciting                     6 should have resolved my problems.

7 Quit Smoking                                        7 wish I had children

8 Help Others in Their Dreams                8 should have saved more money.

9 Fall in Love                                           9 not having the courage to live truthfully

10 Spend More Time with Family          10 I didn’t choose happiness

Interesting no?  I hate to be the one to remind you that at some point your legacy will take up where your life left off but the truth is, well the truth.  If you only made one resolution this year why not just resolve to live your life the way you want your story told.  Why not?

I’m not a big fan of anything that contains the words coulda, shoulda, or woulda so the regret list is certainly grating my spine…  Get rid of those words while there’s still time to change the road you’re on.  Don’t know if you’ll wind up with your stairway to heaven (jury’s still out on that) but you will relieve yourself of an awful lot of angst.

Is there a correlation between lists?  Certainly losing weight, getting fit and quitting smoking may keep you from getting to the thoughts on the right too early but check your motivation too.  If this is about health then you’re on track to solving what may be a huge life problem.  If it’s about trying to live up to the ridiculous standards that only makes money for the diet/beauty business stop it right now. Remember who you are, practice some self-kindness and choose to be happy where you are now.  I think you’ll see that most of the time that is just the impetus for the rest to follow.

Getting organized and spending less more often than not comes down to “stuff” .  Does your stuff define you?  Are you in constant pursuit of stuff?  Do you need to work harder and longer and spend less time with your family and friends because of stuff?  Then you may be able to kill several birds with one stone.  If you want a practical way to rejoin your life you may want to check out Becoming Minimalist.  Joshua Becker has plenty of first-hand information to help and no you don’t have to give up everything to be a minimalist, you can define your own parameters based on which of the things in the two lists above might be most important to you…just sayin.

I’m pretty sure that enjoying life to the fullest, learning something exciting or even just something new to you, and spending more time with your family will produce the kind of stories that will begin to make up a wonderful legacy.  I know like I know that helping anyone with their dreams, or their aspirations or redecorating their home or teaching them to cook or any service to anyone with good intention will rocket you into the legacy hall of fame.

I hope that you will embrace living your truth, if you don’t know your truth make that your life’s work. It will elevate the need for any forward or backward looking list and provide just the exhale you a really looking for.

If wishes were horses then beggars would ride,

If turnips were swords I’d have one by my side.

If ‘ifs’ and ‘ands’ were pots and pans

There would be no need for tinker’s hands!

The one exception to the wishes dilemma is wishing good for someone else.  With that I wish you hope, peace, ordinary moments in time and plenty of food for thought toward an extraordinary legacy through an ordinary life well lived.

I Know Like I Know 2014

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“That is what learning is. You suddenly understand something you’ve understood all your life, but in a new way.”  ― Doris Lessing

It should no longer surprise me how fast a year goes by, it’s the toilet paper roll philosophy of aging…just sayin.  So what has been learned in this nanosecond of a year? So much I hardly know where to begin.

My life revolves around food, shocking I know, as evidenced in some wonderful time spent around the table with dear friends.  The way I can’t operate without mise en place or the farmer’s market or people around my table. That anyone around my table is family and that my family has grown exponentially.

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I’ve learned that there is a scheme of things, that “in here life is beautiful”, that I love meeting old friends for the first time, that providing value is more important than another’s view of success, that a bit of nostalgia is perfect but getting stuck in the past will never do you any good and that the Cape will be there in some form or another going forward.

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I’ve learned how to take a sick day and that you can’t escape an Italian mother’s curse.  Somehow I’ve become that woman downstairs that a five year old had to apologize to after pitching such a bad fit down the stairs that shit fell off my walls. Yeah, this has been an education.

I’ve learned that air texting, idiot drivers and “that guy” haven’t moved off the, “you are really annoying” list, that I suck at 30 day challenges and to give in to the full moon.  I’m a world class putterer and that the art of creative stretchery is within everyone’s reach.  Thank you Houston for welcoming a Yankee with an accent and an itch.

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When Pope Francis recently sought to comfort a distraught boy whose dog had died, the pontiff took the sort of pastoral approach he is famous for — telling the youngster not to worry, that he would one day see his pet in heaven.

“Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures,” Francis said reassuringly.  I’m trusting this wisdom as we begin Lina’s chemo tomorrow in the hopes that we don’t need to be reassured for quite some time. That we will be providing a longer life with good quality is my deepest hope for this year and next.

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“Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake of being challenged, and for the sake of being expressive, to offer something to someone else, and to learn what we are capable of.” ― Jason Mraz

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I believe after writing this tiny little blog for the last five years that a community has been born.  A wonderful group of ordinary people who believe in legacy, in life lived with a story to be told and a willingness to share bits of themselves. For each of you and for my own lessons learned I am grateful.  I hope that you’ll take the time to go back and read what you might have missed and invite others to join our community.

See you in 2015.

I Know Like I Know 2013

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If I had to choose one word to describe 2013 it would be milestone.  Blink your eyes and five years of writing about all the ordinary things that will make up a life’s legacy have passed. Time is funny that way, as Gretchen Rubin would say, the days are long but the years are short. It’s a wonderful life here on Stowe Ln with all the things that bread, salt and wine can bring a home.  Joy and prosperity are truly reigning over this household and it is quickly becoming that place where more and more of life’s little celebrations are being held so we try never to run out of wine.

The Jersey Girls are happy and healthy and we continue to do our work and thank God each day for the generosity of those who got us here.  Life would not have been this wonderful if it weren’t for Shawn Stewart and his kindness and pragmatism. I can still remember asking him; on a scale of 1 – 10 just how bad are the girls, how aggressive.  His answer with a smile; a 1 and 1/2.  Fine.

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As many times as I say I know like I know, this has been the year that I’ve tried to come from that place of “I don’t know what I don’t know”.  I’ve shifted my perspective a bit, learned how to be “clenched” and tried some new things.  Photo treasure hunts and seminars with cool people like Seth Castile to force my camera back into my hands and consequently my heart.  Yes I’ve become a nuisance but the end result is a style, a viewpoint, a continuing illustration of the ordinary.  Technical? No. Cool? Sometimes.  I’ve begun to capture moments in time as I see them and it’s not like you don’t know how I feel about moments in time.

I’ve had the courage to stop coloring my hair.  I’ve gone grey and the end result is so much better than I could have imagined.  I have the glintys as I call them.  Not quite grey, headed toward salt and pepper and worry free.  Hours spent at the salon are a thing of the past and the money saved is a huge bonus.  We have abundance here in so many ways.  Once you shift your perspective you are no longer looking for abundance in one place, it comes from everywhere and from everyone.

I’ve met some wonderful new old friends this year.  We share a common point of view and a love of all things ordinary and special.  What a joy to have them in my life.  Sadly some people I thought were friends have gone. Either they or I had gotten what was the best of the relationship and moved on.  A fact of life I’m afraid, I’ve learned that people will come and go.  The important people stay for a very long time and I continue to be grateful for each one of them even if I don’t see them as often as I’d like.

My family and extended family are flourishing. We had many a celebration this year together for little things and big things.  I am still reeling from the wedding of my dear Muriel and Martina.  I had the honor of capturing their day in photos and selfishly that meant I could be with them through it all.  God knows they’ve been with me through it all.

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Luckily Muriel was with me to assist our neighbor into rehab through an intervention.  Five years later it never occurred to me that I might have to put that hat on again.  I’ve been known to say I resent what I know about addiction, but the fact is it might have helped save a life.  It does all come back to you, the script, the facilities, the beseeching from the intended.  Not easy but I was better at it this time, I was removed from the situation and I let it go after it was over.  For the most part anyway, the jury is still out on the successfulness of it.  Like Bob Seger says, “wish I didn’t know now, what I didn’t know then.”  It was a hard life.

And so it is that making life easier has become a mission. You know, like buying a new sewing machine.  It’s cool, it’s light and it does just what I need it to do, I’m not making clothing any more I’m just nipping and tucking.  I must say the one feature that I was so smug about, the needle threader broke.  I’m not surprised, the reason for it was all wrong.  It was just to spite my Aunt Millie who laughed at me a hundred years ago when she handed me a needle to thread for her and I just poked it right through with an eye roll. “I was like you she said”, sent me some karma, and now I’m like her looking for the magnifying glass.

All in all there has been little to bitch about, there was the Aunt Rant and the poopy bag incident, the Match.com fiasco, the cast iron bra epiphany and the crazy colleague who surely would have been the death of me if he hadn’t been reassigned recently.  Thank you karma, I certainly will learn to let you take care of things from now on.

I’ve learned that I never really was a “Jersey Girl” even though I was born here, that’s my sister’s department.  I’ve learned that I no longer have anything to prove, my only inclination at this point is to add value.  I’ve learned that I’m cool, no kidding, it’s true and that what I’m doing with Ordinary Legacy has meaning to some people.

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I’m going to summon up my courage again this year and develop an e-course based on Ordinary Legacy, that should be an adventure. Talk about being clenched. And finally I’m going to continue to add to my body of work.  Can you imagine?  I’ve got a body of work.  I know like I know that my wildest dreams aren’t really all that wild anymore and that makes this ordinary woman soar, finally.

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I hope you’ll take a look back at this year’s posts and see if they plant a seed for your own extraordinary legacy.

Happy New Year.