I hope you will forgive me when I say that today is not the day to thank a veteran for their service.  You can do that any other day, every other day but not today.  Today is the day to remember the veterans that lost their lives in battle, our war dead.

As much as I would like this to be about all the veterans that have gone on, my father, Kyle’s father, Muriel’s father and as much as my heart aches that they are no longer with us it’s not about them either.  And they wouldn’t want it to be.  They understood that this day was about the some who gave all.

When my father spent his last years at the NJ Veterans Home in Paramus we had the honor of being there each Memorial Day.  It’s a solemn and nostalgic day for most of the residents who share stories of Sargent This or Lieutenant That or Ensign Whoever among themselves not with you but with each other.  To be fortunate enough to overhear these stories is something that will stay with you for the rest of your life. These men and women suffer that loss each year and it never gets easier.  They enjoy their visitors and their hot dogs but only after the most heart wrenching version of taps is played.  Live, in full uniform, no recording. With hand to heart and tears running down their faces they remember.

Only they can remember with the full respect the day deserves having been there and lived to tell about it.  They do not take that privilege lightly and they don’t speak lightly about it either.  They alone can look another veteran in the eye and speak volumes without uttering a sound.  They alone can smile at the well-intended gratitude of those around them and hope that they will also take a minute to hear taps at the local parade and understand the meaning and heartbreak in the melancholy notes.  I won’t ever be able to hear those notes without the lump in my throat or the tears on my face. I have those tears now, I have them each year.

There are thousands of families reliving the loss of someone dear each Memorial Day.  Mostly these families are enduring each day without their loved one. If you are mindful you can hear snippets all around you.  In the grocery store when a little boy asks his Mom, did Daddy like watermelon too? Yes honey he did she says in the most controlled and low voice you will ever hear. She has to turn away.  Then the volunteer collecting for the care packages to go overseas with his hand on a young man’s shoulder telling him it will be alright. There are stories and legacies everywhere begging to be honored in just the smallest ways.  It is the very least we can do to stop and truly participate in their grief if only for a moment.

From the Memorial Day Tribute site:

In 1996, a humanitarian organization based in Washington, D.C., known as ‘No Greater Love’ conducted a survey on children and asked them why they think there is a holiday on Memorial Day. It was agonizing to hear their remarks that were all associated with barbecues and extended weekend parties and celebration, while they hadn’t the vaguest idea about the sacrifices of the soldiers in whose honor it is celebrated. One of the children was even quoted as saying that this was the day when swimming pools open! Thus, the organization came up with the idea of ‘National Moment of Remembrance’ to remind and especially, let the future generations know about the real meaning of the holiday. The idea clicked with the President and Congress and since 1997, it became a standard American tradition. National Moment of Remembrance requires everybody to keep silent for a minute, exactly at 3.00 pm (local time) when ‘Taps’ is played and reflect on the glory of those who have shed blood for us. The federal government hopes to raise public awareness about the heroes and their valor by introducing this moment.

The greatest glory of a free-born people is to transmit that freedom to their children. -William Havard This is your opportunity to participate for just that moment.  Perhaps someone will thank you…