I’m fond of saying I have nothing left to prove only value to add.  This week I find myself asking, what the hell does that mean?  Do your values determine your life or does your life determine your values?  Yes.  At what point in your life are you done trying to prove yourself to anyone other than yourself?  When adding value do you discern?  Do you need to know the definition of value in order to add it?

Two things happened this week to make me question if this is the way I should be putting the whole prove vs value thing out there.  Someone commented on the blog last week that they too (on their 65th birthday) felt they had much value still to add.  Then in an episode of “Chopped” a 64 year old woman struggled against the younger chefs to prove she is still capable of adding value.  She ultimately won.   Does that mean you’ll always have something to prove?  These two people want to prove to themselves that they have value.

Should the proving only be to you?  Now we’re talking, of course it should.  When I think of the long list of things I felt I needed to prove over the course of my life most of them had little to actually do with me.   As a woman was I capable of the same things men were capable of, of course I was and still am. Could I live up to my husband’s family’s expectations, not really.  Did I grab on to that and try to pursue perfection, of course I did.  Could I graduate college (in midlife) in order to advance in my career, of course I could.  Did it?  To a degree.

There is always something to prove to yourself.  At this moment in time I’m trying to prove that I am a creative woman. I’m trying to develop the right side of my brain so that it works on auto pilot, so that it sees things that I’ve always thought it should see.   I’m trying to prove I’m brave, putting myself and my work out there, whether it’s the work I’m paid for or the work that sustains me.

I’m no longer trying to prove I’m perfect. Perfection has always been imposed on me, like keeping the perfect house.  Now, if the bed isn’t made I know like I know the world won’t come to an end.  The people that find themselves on Stowe Lane could care less if I make my bed every day.  Toto especially loves twirling into the sheets whether they are on the bed or not.

I don’t set the perfect table I just put it all out and people are glad to indulge in the moments I present.  I used to live in that world where you had to worry if you died what would people find in your home?  What were the books that were supposed to be on the night stand, what food should be in the refrigerator, what would be in the fire safe box.  I just bought a fire safe box…by the way.  Among the passport, social security card, deed, the insurance info and will are my Father’s navy manual and bible.  These are the things that are precious, that add value if you will.

I’m not saving the world and my idea of adding value is to show up, to listen, to attempt to stop the spiky haired, skinny jeans bunch from trying to reinvent the wheel all the while staying relevant.  To put out a body of work that someone might find interesting or meaningful.

So what does value really mean:

• The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
• The material or monetary worth of something.
• The intrinsic worth of something.
• A person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life.

I got this.  No matter what your definition of value, I can fit into any of it, some of it or all of it. Or none of it.  I love the person I’ve become because I fought hard to become her.  I have proven this to myself, no one else needs to care or approve of this.  It was not who I was that held me back it was who I thought I wasn’t.

For those of you wondering if or how you will provide value, just know like you know that you are and you will.  Not everyone will think so but it only matters that you do.